school calling me a liar

[noodels2002]

Hello im new here. my dd ages 4 had the chickenpox for 2 weeks and i provided medical evidence for the school. however when she was well enough to return to school her grandfather died. i went in explained to the school and filled in all necessary forms. we went out of town to be with distraught mil which we told school we would be. my daughter took the news very hard and obviously was upset over it so my husband and i decided to take her to butlins for the weekend friday to monday and on our return we were greeted with a letter from the school dated Wednesday of that week informing us she hadnt been off due to bereavement but infact a family holiday and they had information could i come to school by friday when they broke off for half term ( impossible as we was out of town and which they knew we was) as they had been "given information".

the hakf term went by and i went to the school this morning to ask the head what the meaning if this letter was and what evidence she had to suggest this. she replied weve been given evidence by a reliable source and would not stipulate any further when asked by whom.

i also asked who had hand delivered the ketter to my house again to which she would not answer. i informed her the claims are incorrect and she said the school believe you are lying due to this reliable source. i said how can i defend myself if you have no evidence to give me. and she said she had evidence but wouldnt share it with me. i again explained about the bereavement and why we went out of town i also honestly told her we went to butlins at the weekend and showed her confirmation to which she said thats fine but we dont believe dd was where you said she was during the week. so at this point i got very distressed and said she had no proof and things got heated which resulted in me being escourted off school premises. ive shiwn her medical proof of rhe illness and proof we went on a family holiday friday to monday not the monday to friday she is questioning. this isnt the first run in with the head as the first time they accused my mother if child abuse and breaking my dd arm on idle gossip which resulted in a visit from ss to which they closed the case instantly and said the school was wrong to accuse people of this on idle gossip and no evidence. the second time the school called me and another parent in as a teacher had saw us arguing nor me or the other parent knew each ither or what she was even talking about as said parent wasnt even at school that day.

anyway back to original point. am i wrong to ask for their evidence and for the head to withold it from me before making these false claims. any help or advice appreciated as i feel i am being harrassed by the school and feel the need someone had been to my house and hand deliver a letter knowing we was out if town totally unacceptable. i feel due to the death of fil i have been hounded and harrassed by the school a trespass has been commited and a total lack of compassion shown from the achool in these difficult circumstances.

Did she actually use the word "liar"?

I wonder if a way of breaking the cycle is to request an educational psychologist's assessment via the local authority if possible, and also talk to them about the breakdown in the home/school relationship and perhaps get their advice on a better or more appropriate placement for your DD.

Definitely change school, OP, for your dd's sake. In my experience (I worked as a primary school teacher) a kind head teacher sets the tone for the entire school as does a bullying head teacher.

However badly you feel this situation has been handled, your behaviour has been such that the Head has felt that she has no choice but to ban you from the premises. That's a huge step and quite an achievement within one school year. I think you need to consider your behaviour and think about whether there is anything you can do to repair your relationship with the school for your DD's sake.

my daughter has a senco assistant and is thriving at school. in all too sets but this headteacher seems to dislike me from day 1. the incident with the arm breaking was my mum took her to park and she fell off the climbong frame which she has climbed thousands of times and broke her arm. when school asked her what happened she gets confused and struggles to communicate properly and said nanna was there and the school flagged social services from that my mum is an ofsted registered childminder so obviously distraught with social services visit.

the women were all stood outside the only school enterance waiting for me and moved to block my path with my dd 3 in pushchair and said sorry we feel its not appropriate to let you on school grounds we shall collect dd and fetch her back again knowing dd is not good with strangers

Does your local authority have something like a parent partnership person who can mediate between SEN parents and the school? I think it will need something like that to clear the air.

Have you been aggressive or violent at any stage at school?

I'd send an email to HT.

Dear HT,

I am writing to you with serious concerns due to the 3 allegations you've made against me and DD extended family.

•The allegation my mum broke DD arm which you reported to SS who closed the case.
•The allegation that I argued with another parent who wasn't even on the premises on the day in question
•The allegation that we were not where we stipulated on x date to y date despite my providing evidence of the dates we visited Butlins after a family bereavement.

You have informed me all these accusations have come from a third party and it concerns me greatly that someone has the desire to cause emotional distress to my family with unfounded accusations.

As you have received the evidence of the dates we were in Butlins please inform me what information you require to prove FIL death and provide the copy of the policy that requires me to do this.

Please also inform me how you are going to prevent further problems occurring through malicious unfounded gossip against my family to safeguard DD emotional wellbeing.

no ive barely seen her since my dd started nursery at the school aged 3 and my dd is due to go in year 1 in september other then to discuss senco and the arm breaking incident. other then that no other run ins but she seemed to take the i dont like u stance from day 1 and i dont know why. i take my daughter and pick her up everyday with no problems with any teachers parents ect. so i just feel she has had bully tactics on this occassion which has shocked me and yes i understand everyones qualms regarding butlins but my husband suggested it and his mum came with us as they have fond memories or fil there where fil worked for years and met his mum and dd1 with the autism enjoys shows ect ple ty of distraction for her. i too thought it was an odd choice until his mum started talking about her and fil past history there.

You need some answers on paper.

1. What are they threatening you with?

1. What evidence will they require?

1. Why is it neccessary to exclude you from school grounds?

Cc in the board of governors or local authority depending on where you live.

Formally complain about the head teachers handling of the situation including distressing your older daughter. Ensure that you have someone with you during every interaction with Head as your witness if she has a history of making false allegations.

Good luck

Yes..i have experienced similar at my kids previous school. The head teacher didn't like me from the start and had made numerous lies about me causing lots of problems.
There are good head teachers and there are bad ones unfortunately.
I would most definitely be considering a move starting a fresh. It worked for me, my children are happy and so am I.
Sounds like bully tactics...make a complaint and contact Ofsted also.

I also had problems with DS secondary from the get go. He has autism and the short and long of it is they didn't want him at the school so made my life hell hoping I'd move him. And I would have done if school places weren't like gold dust!

You clearly don't like this teacher and have ignored any post where people have tried to explain why the school may have concerns.
You seem to have a real attitude. Who talks of having "run ins" with staff. You aren't seeming very reasonable.

I had this with DS's School a few years ago, they also had proof from a 'Reliable source' that I was lying.

They told me that they knew I was lying that they had proof I was lying and there was no way they would ever believe me.
They threatened me with all sorts and told me they would 'take it further' if I didn't admit that I was lying about him being ill and confess that we've been away, except I wasn't lying we haven't been anywhere, DS had been ill.

We went back and forth a lot but In the end they wouldn't tell me what information they had, who gave it to them or what their proof was.
They reported me to the council for an on authorised holiday and the council tried to fine me, I decided not to just pay the fine and instead challenge it, I had a hearing and was able to argue it and I won and it was dismissed.
The school however, refused to mark the absence as illness and it is still on his record as an authorised absence.

I was also told at the hearing that it was in a very unusual situation as the education authority rules on pupil absence actually say that if a child is reported absent due to illness they must mark the absence as illness and are not allowed to call the parent a liar.

Well funnily enough I wouldn't like someone who had caused me so much worry or stress either Wolfiefan.
Unfortunately there's too much seeing these teachers as gods. As far as I'm concerned they are there to teach my children not dictate to parents how to bring up their children or when to keep them off school, that's a parents decision. Her attendance looks good, illness can not be helped neither can a bereavement and everyone grieves or has different ways of coping.

im sorry if i come across this way wolfiefan and as for not answering every post there has been so many i need to read back on all to reply individually. i have no problem with this headteacher its just she can fabricate things out of thin air im clearly goving all information both past present and future regarding this headteacher and myself that is all. that way everyone is aware of everything. im sorry if i have come across confrontational on this thread not my inyention. im just trying to get some help and guidance thats all. as im a 33 year old woman and lost my father as a child so dh father in over the last 18 years has been a father figure to me too. my husband as we speak is wording a letter to the head and complying with the schools complaints procedure which a copy goes to governing bodies. he is shocked with it all.

I'd also like to say there are many fabulous, thoughtful, compassionate teachers and heads out there but there are some that are not and they need to be challenged about their tactics.

are you also on the autistic spectrum, op? (this is a genuine q not meant as an insult). on the face of things, it sounds like there is a lot of antagonism between the school and you, but it seems unclear why exactly.

no im not on autistic spectrum paintingbynumbers. and yes i have an otder of service but they demand death certificate.

sorry, that q didnt really sound great reading it back.

also someone asked if she used the word liar yes she did use the word liar.

"my husband as we speak is wording a letter to the head and complying with the schools complaints procedure which a copy goes to governing bodies."

Good move. I would also state that you have been called a lair and ask why a death certificate is necessary as proof if you already have an order of service. State that getting a copy of the death certificate from your bereaved MIL will take time (I assume she isn't local) and that the order of service will have to suffice for now.

Death Certificates are a matter of public record. If you find it difficult to ask MIL for a copy (which is understandable) could you obtain one yourself. Or indeed give the school the relevant info, whereby they would be able to obtain a copy themselves without them having the opportunity to accuse your produced copy of being fraudulent.