Cost of stepdaughter going to uni will stop my son being able to do the same

[Exhaustedbird1]

Just after some views on this please as not sure where to stand my ground and how to make this fair.

For context so no drip feed : Married, have one DS and one DSD. DSD is one year older than DS.
DSD came into my life 5 years ago, I dont have any involvement in raising her (DH has her weekends at his PIL house as we have a tiny house and no space apart from a sofa bed (my house when we met and we cant buy bigger as DH still paying for his exW house until DSD turns 18, live an 1.5 hours away so she gets bored at ours and can't see friends / do hobbies over the weekends if she was at ours so it just works best).

DSD has her heart set on going to uni - I fully support her in her decision as I want her to live her life and follow her dreams. DSD mum says she can't afford to assist with funding DSD at uni (she is low income through choice, works 16 hours a week to get full benefits (those who'll comment how do you know; she proudly told me and said she couldnt imagine having work full time like I do) as DH still pays for half the house and some of the bills under the divorce agreement until DSD turns 18). Our joint income whilst not huge means that me and my DH are likely to have to fund quite a lot of her uni costs. I dont begrudge her this as I love her and want her to succeed in life but here's the kicker....
My son also has his heart set on uni and is a smart kid and needs a degree for what he wants to do in a career. By myself and my DH funding my DSD through uni means there's no way we can afford for my son to go.
To not drip feed, my DS's dad died when he was very young so no financial input from that direction.
My DSD will go to uni, her heart is set and both her parents and I want her to go but where does this leave my DS? I cant save up enough to cover his costs from my income and it just seems so unfair his life choices will be limited by me funding a child who is not biologically mine. I want the best for them both.
How do I make this fair?

@GreySkiesAndBirds Why would she need to? She’s the one eligible for the fill loan and no parental contribution. Her DF is with op and they have a joint, higher, income. DS lives with them. He’s got 2 working adults in his family home. DSD has one who is a single parent. Op will have her household income assessed but her DS will have the lower student loan and would pay it back more quickly if he gets a decent job.

It's quite feasible that the cheap rooms sell out first. I live quite near Glasgow so I do have an idea of how much student accommodation costs. It's quite difficult for students to get cheap accommodation in Glasgow at the moment - there isn't enough private rented accommodation to meet demand. Even the cheaper rooms in a flat the East end of Glasgow are working out at 500-600 pounds a month

There are few grants these days - loans in most cases. If people are living at home though they'll have less costs obviously

@Roobarbtwo That IS cheap! It’s gojng to be a lot more in Bristol or London! I’d not advocate a 4 year degree in Scotland for someone English or Welsh with little family backing. However the loan is £10,500 so £6,000 or £7,000 even for rent leaves a decent amount over. Halls of residence aren’t usually 50 weeks either and usually no bills on top. Often not allocated on first come basis either but of course private landlords will.

It is cheap - but it's not the norm. A lot of students in Glasgow are paying a lot more for accommodation and there are also landlords asking people to pay ridiculous prices for little more than a cupboard. Which is probably replicated all over the UK.

When my brother went to uni 30 years ago he paid 500 a year for student accommodation in halls. There's definitely a market now where people are cashing in on students - because they know if people are desperate they'll have to pay it

As I said in other posts a lot of young people are studying online now - so they don't have to worry about accommodation costs and they can pretty much work full time around their degree

@Roobarbtwo The increase in the number of students is definitely the problem! However this was encouraged by the post 1992 universities and lifting the student number cap in 2013. Where new housing has been limited, supply and demand has caused rents to rise - for everyone. We need a serious rethink about university numbers but of course many Scottish students don’t leave Scotland and have less debt than anyone else. So paying rent is not unattractive when you’ve saved over £30,000 by no fees.

I'm old enough to have done my first degree when we still got grants. By the time my brother went to uni it was loans. I went to the local uni and I had around 35 quid a week after travel then you could claim travel expenses back. I got my first post grad fully funded. Funded the second myself and have just finished a degree that was paid for as it was part time and I'm on a low income

If I were 18 now and contemplating going to uni for the first time it would be much harder.

It is completely within your power to ensure both children are treated fairly. If you don’t do this it will cause resentment and hostility between the children and also potential alienation from your son in the future.

Once she has applied for all of the maintenance loans etc. You then need to calculate how much more is needed. Your DSD can get a part time job to support some of this and whatever you give her then needs to also be put aside to also support your son.

Also looks for any additional support from ex alumni funds etc, as a lot of university have various funds they can use to support lower income students.

I know it seems harsh but once your DSD turns 18 then the house needs to be sold (insist the work to prepare the house for selling starts ahead of this date) and you will also have the additional income from not paying child support too.

You need to make sure that you treat both children fairly at all costs.

@RoobarbtwoYou seem to keep studying for little financial return. I don’t see why the state should support people who want multiple degrees and don’t earn much afterwards. If you came from a single parent family earning under the minimum salary you would have £10,500 a year loan for maintenance and a loan for the fees. As a low earner you would pay next to nothing back!! The state is paying. So why would you not go? It’s costing you next to nothing. It’s costing the state far more. I assume you realise loan repayments are based on earnings. Why do you need so many degrees?