DD able to but didn't try for Oxford : slap me

[DrumSenseintoMe]

So, I feel sad and a little bit of failure because DD didn't want to try for Oxford.
Now I can see her there it's charming and beautiful and cosy within each college but also connected to a whole . So you get the best of all worlds.
It's very close to where we live about 30 miles away !
She didn't want to go far . She looked at Durham but feels it's too far.
It's much much cheaper than anywhere else for accommodation by a very long shot , 3 / 4 grand cheaper . On the open days students told us of endless travel grants etc . There are so many opportunities.
Everything is massively subsidized.
I can't help but feel to do so well at school for all these years and work so hard and get predicted three a stars and win subject prizes and not even try, is sad.

What put her off was the talk of 5 week burn out and she said she couldn't cope with an essay a week.
The students we spoke to said it's a thing and a myth and they do stuff on week 5 to cheer people up !

I'm being stupid I know I am. Its just so close ,so cheap so romanticised, so many amazing oppsritnies with the choirs ,drama ,travel grants money chucked at them ,beautlful stunning grounds ,characterful accommodation and interesting international students.

Of course I want her to be happy and enjoy her time but I do think she would have enjoyed it.

Talk sense into me. Btw I've 100 per cent backed her choice talked it up and I genuinely like it and have not let her know my secret disappointment.

OP, You are focussing on superficial
things here. No one in their right minds goes there mostly as it’s cheap and beautiful (though it is beautiful - certainly not cheap and your talk of grants and subsidies is rubbish).

Young people should go there if they are highly academic and fascinated by a subject. You need to be able to manage the level of teaching (tending to zero) and self study involved (total). Three A stars predicted is nice but not amazing. NatSci applicants will generally be getting four A stars, most will be rejected and there is a big difference between doing three or four A levels.

I’m uncomfortable tbh as the best British universities operate at a level that generates Nobel prizes and Fields medals in maths. You wanted your child to apply as it’s handy, it’s pretty and she was predicted reasonable results.

This thread is a bit old by now but I want to respond.

Three A stars are amazing grades. Come on. "Nice but not amazing"? "Reasonable results"? Literally the highest grades you can get.

I am not condoning the OP’s view of why her DD should have applied to Oxford btw and I agree you need to love your subject to want to go there, but three top (as in toppest) A level grades is pretty special. Not sure how you could do better. Yes, lots of candidates with maths A level will also have FM, but offers are made based on three A levels, if three are being taken. NatSci is Cambs not Oxford AFAIK btw.

As for not being able to manage an essay a week, well I’m afraid that speaks for itself. Why on Earth would you want to shove her into a place (assuming she got in which is a huge assumption) where she is already telling you she wouldn’t be able to cope.

And now the thread is derailed by people thinking Oxbridge is attractive as it is, according to you, a cheap option with huge grants available for all.

Honestly if you are a real poster, and not a wind up merchant, please stop.

You are disappointed because you have fluffy ideas in your head your child needs to do what works for them why cabt you be happy for that? Thry are not an extension of you

The three A stars were predicted not achieved. To get subject prizes at school is again nice but everyone is the top of their year and OP doesn’t seem to realise this.

By the way, many young people do four A levels and get four A stars without doing further maths. It’s heavygoing to do eg Maths, Chem, Biology and History but they do it to demonstrate they are both arts and sciences people. This is impressive imv.

Oxford IS good foe bursaries if you're from a low- income household.
My DD is holding an offer, if she makes the grades, with her College & Crankstart Scholarship she will have just over £7,000 in non-repayable bursaries every year on top of her maintainance loan.
So if you're poor & get a wealthy College it isn't bullshit to say they throw money at you.

Yes but... I mean how could you get better PGs? Yes predicted grades are predicted, not achieved, I understand that, and yes, I know full well they are not always achieved – but genuinely, what PGs could be better? And if you have not yet sat your A levels that's all you can offer. You say three A stars (even if PGs) is not amazing? There is literally no higher PG possible.

As for taking four A levels without FM – google suggests this is about 2% and I cannot imagine lots of them gain all A stars. Can't find the exact figures for that tho. But it is hardly "many". I agree though four A stars in maths, chem, bio abd history is impressive. If only bc so few people do it.