Disappointed he didn't get a first.

[UserM6]

I know a 2:1 is fine but I'm sad he didn't come out with more from his time.
He didn't join any societies. Doesn't drink so never really went to the SU and largely stayed in in studying
He says he made friends on his course but no one he's talked about/been to visit/ go on holiday with etc.
Stayed in crap accommodation in his first year 2 and 3rd year lived with the one mate from bloody school. Had a girlfriend throughout (his first ) who he spent his weekends with. She's graduating in 2 years and going abroad next year

He doesn't even want a job in his degree but doesn't know what else to do.

I've stayed positive for him but it seems like a largely wasted time. I feel bad for thinking like this but he's my one and only 🙁.

Congratulations to your DS! Plenty jobs out there now he's finished though. Retail, Civil Service etc.

And a degree is a degree is a degree. It's what he does with it that really counts!!

DD1 isn't doing Law (her first degree) or anything to do with her MSc. But she's happy and that makes me proud and contented.

Cut the poor kid some slack.

You make it sound like his life is over - assuming he’s 21, he’s hardly started! I have many close friends in my life, none of them came from my 3 (very average) years at university. I joined no societies, did no trips, had no term time job, hung out with my flatmates and got a 2:1.
My friends from school and the people I met on my grad scheme however are friends for life (I’m also married to one of them!) Bonds forged in common experiences that have lasted 20-30 years so far and show no signs of breaking. Give him a break, he will probably be a completely different person by next year

I agree

'A great time at uni OR a first' would have reassured you? They are not mutually exclusive. Nor is hard work a guarantee of a first.You don't choose one or the other!

Proud 2:1 owner here. Also the proud owner of a Master’s degree (just an ordinary one, mind!), a dog, and a house because of the job I got at 22 which was - shock - not related to my BSc or MSc. Also married to my husband who was my first boyfriend who I met whilst I was at uni (although that’s not how we met if that makes sense). Kindly, you are overreacting here. Uni is not the be all and end all. Has it helped me get where I am today? Yes, although the MSc wasn’t necessary. Did I enjoy my time there? Yes, although not the time of my life. There have been far better times since, some with the friends I made at uni, some not. Your son will be absolutely grand, OP.

You seem to be living your life through him. You need help with this or you are going to destroy your relationship with him. I suspect he already has had a whiff of your very obvious disappointment with his choices and achievement. He may need therapeutic support himself in the future to deal with the impact of this. Back off now before it’s too late.

oh come on now, that's not true.

Of course recruiters look at grades, and for quite a few years. I am not saying they are right *or wrong, but it's standard.

Grades are much more important nowadays than they used to be - I don't think it's a great move frankly, but that's the reality.

OP what are you smoking

a 2:1 from a good uni is perfect for many graduate jobs

he can apply for a variety of jobs with that degree

you should be celebrating

like I say, wtf are you smoking

Mine has got a 3rd after struggling with MH issues, being under a MH team and having no friends whatsoever due to his MH issues. I couldn't be more proud of him, there is more to life than grades..so there is perspective for you.

University is so over-rated. I much preferred school and work. 2.1 is perfect. So many weird fake people at uni imo. I love nights out, but not at uni. It was just all a bit me me me.

I met my husband when I was 19, only man I’ve been with. Still very much in love 13 years later, with a house,a beautiful little boy, what’s the problem with picking the right one the first time around?

absolutely this.

a good lad with a smart head on his shoulders who worked hard and did his best, and has realised at the tender age of 21 that he doesn’t fancy working in this field for the next 50 years and his mother won’t allow him that.

Also universities don’t give out firsts very easily, where I worked you needed 73 to get one, they had stepped marking meaning it was 68 or 73. For 2:2s at 57.5 they’d profile up to a 2:1 but did no such thing for firsts. Kid did his best, has a good degree and the world is his proverbial oyster, he can get onto a good many grad schemes, yet his mother is disappointed in him.

such a shame, will do long term damage to their relationship

What makes you think he isn’t happy?

Because he hasn’t had the experiences that made you happy?

What a great result, I'd be very happy with that.

He might be happier if he had a mother who was proud of his achievements and didn’t feel disappointed with him…

It was true for me. Prospective employers must have seen my grade but it made no difference to whether I was offered a job. Not did it lead to a glittering career. In fact, I've heard some people being quite derogatory about people with firsts, assuming they are geeks with no people skills.

Of course he did. The uni experience is totally different for young people now than it was for us. Didn’t you notice that? It’s not the 80s/90s any more. The world has moved on and so have young people. Maybe you should too.

I don’t understand your disappointment, his experience of university has been his choice and it’s upto him what career path he decides upon.I don’t think you realise how lucky you are to have a Son who is physically and mentally well, happy with his Girlfriend and a University degree on his CV.You only have to read the posts on here to gain an understanding of the battles some parents face with their young adults.

for a reality check and to put this in context, my mum of 75 years old is very proud of my 43 year old brother, who after 30 years of being a heroin addict, living rough, losing teeth, having no one, basically being on death’s door and putting the family through hell, because he has passed his functional skills maths and is, we think, off the gear. What a fucking post 😡give your head a wobble!

I'm proud of your son, OP. Congratulations to him.

I do, however, feel incredibly sorry for the withering comments his mother has made about his achievements - of which there are clearly several.

Is he happy?

Was he in line for a first? (Not that this is an exact art.)

He's done better than many to get a 2:1. Better than me with a plain ord !

He's not sat in his room with an X-box for company, he's not managed to develop troublesome drug habits. He's done well.

There's more to Uni than the grade of degree. He might not be the life and soul of the party, he may not have joined societies etc - but he's invested in himself, he's planted roots that will flourish later.

Not all continue with their studies into employment. Some do, some don't. Some employers see a degree as a capability of a level of capability, not of knowledge.

My DW did geography but was recruited as a computer programmer. I read that there are more students studying forensics than there are actually employed doing forensics.

Yes ,a first would have been nice - but he's done well, seems (according to you, rounded) and unlike some alive and undamaged.

Hi @UserM6 my DD has had a similar experience.

She‘s slightly shy, has school refused in the past and then ended up acing Alevels and going to a good Uni where she really had to push herself to go, make friends and gradually grow and socialise over the 3 years she was there.

Some young people find it very easy to mix and do incredible things and run societies but at this stage of my DDs life she doesn’t. However, she has managed to separate from me and live really independently, really look after herself and make a small group of friends whom I feel will be her friends for a long time. She will get a 2:1 or maybe a first but for me the real win is her growth from a school refuser in year 10 to a graduate with friends. I’m really proud of that. Don’t forget also the nightmare of GCSEs / Covid and sixth form online for a year which I think this year group also coped well with.

I hope you can try and be proud of your son’s journey as everyone is on different path and I really believe one of the most important things to do as a parent is to accept your DC’s journey - and that it’s got its own timeline which may well be different to yours or your choice for them.
well done to your boy and you! X