Devastated DD - awful reference

[AnonymousStudentParent]

My undergraduate DD recently asked her Personal Tutor, by email, whether he could be her referee for a summer school (prestigious, with a generous scholarship scheme). She attached a link to the website of the summer school and underscored the information relating to the reference. She didn't hear back from her Personal Tutor immediately but after about 3 weeks he emailed briefly saying he'd already submitted the reference (she had anticipated him getting back to her for clarification on a couple of things she had done that she had mentioned in the email that he didn't know about). Yesterday she had a quick beginning of term meeting with him when he outlined to her the devastating terms of the reference, basically saying she was too young and under qualified for the summer school but a nice hardworking person if they wanted to take a chance on her.

My DD is neither too young nor under qualified for the summer school - quite the contrary, she's very amply qualified (though mostly outside the scope of her degree). It's in an area she is extremely knowledgeable about and she has properly researched the summer school. She spent several days in the Christmas holidays writing the extensive application.

She was too flabbergasted to react (and her time with the PT was up) on the spot. Needless to say, this isn't good for her self-confidence. Any advice to how she goes back to the PT and asks him whether he can spend a few minutes looking at the website and her application and rethink his hasty judgement? The deadline for submission of the application isn't for another couple of weeks.

Thank you for this point. Some 20-year olds can handle a study abroad or summer school, some cannot.

He could have always not written her a reference if he wasn't clear. That's what would happen in the private sector. And in the private sector, it's normal to ask for a reference (over email, I'd be horrified if anyone insisted on a face-to-face chat about it tbh) and not normal to dictate what does into it.

It clearly isn't a case of her 'not bothering', it's a case of him 'not bothering' and, by the sounds of it, also 'not knowing who she is' and 'not giving a shit anyway'.

I am doing nothing of the sort. You picked on one of my posts that wasn't even addressed to you and insulted. I won't be replying to you again.

The calibre of academia is quite concerning.

My DD has done myriad summer schools and study abroad already so this is not the issue at stake.

That isn't what happened.

Agree @mathanxiety
it seems DD hasn’t had a great deal of contact with her PT so perhaps not best placed to write a reference especially when DD didn’t meet up to discuss it first.

That's a stretch if ever I've read one.

Given he could barely remember her, he didn't know enough about her to make any comments on her 'maturity' or otherwise.

Do you know the mother's daughter personally?
Have you taught students?
And, now to everything I'm writing, you are putting a laughing emoji. Excellent display of critical thinking and maturity.

@AnonymousStudentParent

Can your daughter find someone else to write a reference for her?

It's odd that a selective programme would be happy to just require one in any case.

Yes. Exactly.

Stop imagining what my DD should have supplied according to your personal preferences. There were institutional guidelines, she followed them to the letter.

Don't bother explaining again. You're only wasting your time. Most of us are pretty clear about what you have said. Your DD did the correct thing in following procedures - they are there for a reason.

I really do hope that some of these people aren't what they claim to be!

Is there anyone else, like an adviser of studies, or even a lecturer she has a good relationship that your DD can go to for advice?

I don't think you're going to get much that's helpful here.

The OP has stated that isn't what happened.

And again, he always had the option of not writing a reference, since he was clearly ill-informed.

Tbh I’m not sure you know for definite what the issue is at the moment
Your DD needs to arrange an appointment with her PT to find out.
Im guessing she’s done that already ?

But you've complained that he didn't mention her previous activities. I do references all the time and whatever is on their CV or PS is useful to know but my reference can't be based on things they did before I knew them or even things they currently do which are unconnected to them being a student. I have no way of verifying that information and my reference must be based on my knowledge of them. This is why I also think he's a bit of a twat if he has said that about your daughter though. If he couldn't comment then he should have said nothing.

Strong agree. This thread seems to have turned into some weird excuse for academics doing a half-arsed job. I get that they're overstretched but aren't we all?

Possibly he has other students who would like a place on this summer school? Maybe MA students? The summer school, which is very small, is unlikely to take more than one student from any single institution.

Naive.

I work in HE and get bombarded with student requests for references, it is a nightmare part of the job to be honest, nevertheless it is part of our job.

If I wrote something like that I would expect a complaint to my Head of Discipline or even higher up, it's subjective and unfair. It might not help with this application but I would encourage your DD to submit a complaint

But could she handle this particular summer school? You think so because you are her mom, fair enough. I might gently suggest you don't have a totally objective view.

Maybe the PT did not she could handle it, and you are upset about this. So, now the PT is sexist, incompetent, etc. Maybe it is that your daughter either needs a different way of asking for recommendations, to ask other people, or she needs more qualifications/maturity. I also ask you why are getting involved in a matter that involves your daughter who is an adult?