My son not thriving at Cambridge

[Masalamother]

My son is 1st year at Cambridge and got all A stars at A levels. He was so pleased to get offer but reality is different. His school friends at other universities doing same course (Durham and Nottingham) have much less work and more fun time. He says they are getting firsts in assessments but he is only getting a 2.1 - even though he topped them easily at school. His course is harder - 2 essays a week whereas they do one a fortnight. He was always told to apply for the best university but now thinks he should have gone to a lesser one as degree class is what counts. I don’t know what to say to him. He probably should have had a year out because he seems very burnt out and disillusioned… All degrees are not the same - he/we never realised that! The advice of his teachers to “be aspirational” was simplistic

This seems a tad naive to not expect Cambridge to be harder work than Nottingham! I mean he can probably breeze into a job post degree by the sheer fact he got into Cambridge!

You are right that all degrees are not the same. There is a reason that Cambridge and Imperial are so highly rated globally.

A degree in a science or maths from Cambridge will be more in demand by employers than someone with a similar degree from a lesser university for exactly that reason. My niece has a 1st in maths and mechanical physics from Cambridge, then a paid research post and now earns an extremely high salary doing a complex maths focussed job she loves. But she enjoys the work. Complex maths is her definition of fun.

If that isn't what your ds enjoys, then he should talk to his tutor about transferring or taking a gap year. Life is too short to be unhappy.

Sorry but I call bs on this post. Your supposedly bright son wasn’t aware that Cambridge would be harder work than another arts course? Even in the pre-internet era literally every aspiring Oxbridge student knew this.

If he’s unable to handle the workload and have fun, he is in the wrong uni and should drop out because he’s definitely wasted a year there and that’s a pity.

There are quite a few things about the Cambridge system that aren't that great, I think, and one of them is the short intensive terms. They don't suit everyone and if he was exhausted from his A levels, he might feel that it all seems too much this year. The first year marks don't count though, if I'm right, so my guess is that often they are marked quite harshly because they don't want to be giving away firsts early on, but if you look at the stats, then Cambridge does indeed have a very big proportion of first class degrees, around 30% or something like that so there's no reason to think your son won't do well later on.

He sounds tired and fed up, I guess he has exams in the next week or two. I'd be sympathetic, try to keep him going and keep his spirits up, and review the situation once he has finished the exams, enjoyed the rest of the term and then is back for the holidays.

Oxbridge isn't for everyone, it's quite old-fashioned IMO in the way they tutor and pressure the students to work intensively, it works well for some but not for others and I teach students who have dropped out of Oxbridge and taken some time out then come back into a different university, just make it clear to him there are options. You might find this is just a moan, you might find he wants to leave, see how it goes.

i’m sorry to hear your son is unhappy. It’s such a huge worry. Has he made any friends? Is he managing to have any kind of social life? If he decides to change university don’t worry about the people who talk about ‘lesser’ universities and employment prospects. The universities you have mentioned, Durham and Nottingham both feature very highly as places targeted by employers.

Help him get through to the end of the academic year and then he can reassess over the summer. My DH was at Cambridge for maths but decided it was too much work and switched to engineering. They can be quite flexible about switching.

He will get longer holidays - I don’t know, Cambridge owns so many doors. I’d help him get through it - nothing wrong with a 2:1 in essays!!!

*opens

Employers know that a Cambridge degree is harder than other degrees, and when he is job hunting it will always look good to have Cambridge on his CV. If he's really unhappy he could look in to transferring though - I'm sure it would be possible.

What subject is he doing?

Of course his course will be harder and the workload more than in other unis. But there should be still lots of time for fun - Cambridge students usually work hard and play hard. It doesn’t sound as if he’s struggling to keep up as such, more that he’s jealous that his mates at other unis are having an easier ride. He’s probably just exhausted.

He was always told to apply for the best university but now thinks he should have gone to a lesser one as degree class is what counts

I don't agree with that at all. A 2.1 from Oxbridge goes a long way and I don't think is outclassed CV wise by a 1st from the other unis you mentioned.

A 2.1 is excellent, 1sts at Oxbridge are naturally harder to come by.

Moreover, degrees aren't the door openers they used to be. What career does he want to go into? If he's concerned about getting ahead, it's just as important to start exploring work experience and making use of all the amazing societies and opportunities at Cambridge.

If he's really struggling he could speak to college staff about taking a year out but it's a bit late in the year imo. Has he made friends at Cam? It sounds like he's having a wobble ahead of first year exams? The pressure there is intense for sure - i'd encourage him to stop comparing to his friends at other unis, stay in his own lane and do his best, make the most of this incredible opportunity, grit his teeth and look forward to May Week. He can put down the results this year to experience. Assuming it's first year, the results this year aren't the be all and end all anyway.

So my DH went to Cambridge and was not from a private or grammar background and found the culture/pomp/rituals to be the biggest shock. His best performing year was the middle year that he lived off campus. He also talks about how much work there was to do compared to other top uni's.
I hate the comment that they open doors, probably true if you want to go down that private school I'll scratch your back route. My DH hates to talk about it, won't live near there anymore due to the memories and hates to tell anyone he went. He did finish with good grades and have a good group of friends that he met in halls. I totally understand that you might not have truly understood the difference until there yourselves.
Mental health for young men especially is so important and should be protected. Talk to him and review when the stress of the exams are done. Setup meetings with collage heads/support or even look at other options to give him hope for change now. Good luck!

Hi OP
My DD is in her first year at C too. Her course tutors told the students they don't award firsts for their assignments in the first year. She said others on her course are stressing about not getting a first at the end of the degree. Similar experience in that she's also finding the workload incredibly intense and challenging so after her exams, depending on how she gets on, she may switch courses or drop out and apply to a different uni. Nothing wrong with that. She thought C would be right for her but it might not be as she's unhappy. It depends on the subject as some have more lectures, supo and assignments than others so she is finding it hard to have a social life. I agree with earlier posters that a first isn't everything and if your son decides he's enjoying C enough to stay then a 2:1 is good enough, but as firsts aren't given in the first year he may end up with a first anyway.

I remember a friend saying he’d thought the Cambridge entrance exams were a hurdle to get over, rather than an indication of the level you’ll be working at once you get there!

I agree with pp, he needs to finish the academic year (surely only a couple of weeks now anyway?) and have a reassessment after exams. He should talk to his tutor about the possibility of switching subject if he thinks that would help.

Of course, the truth is that if you collect together some of the brightest and most committed students in the country, the university needs to give them a curriculum which they’ll find challenging. But also, Oxbridge students all tended to be top of their class at school, but they won’t all be best once they get to college. If it’s not suiting him, then it’s fine to move to a different uni

Is it in part because he's used to being at the top of his class and. now isn't.
My brother went to Cambridge. Got the highest grades at school. But obviously at Cambridge so did everyone so he no longer felt that clever and realised there were lots of very very clever kids and he suddenly felt average.
He got a 2:1 but it was from Cambridge he has always had good jobs.

Bright isn't just passing exams. I know quite a few people who got top marks for school exams but struggled with uni because you have to show some initiative of your own.

I went to Cambridge, many years ago. It's a shock that first year. You go from being top of the class to the realisation that you are middling in a cohort of top performers. It wasn't just the academic side. Everyone bloody excelled at everything.. music, sport etc. I was average at best on extra curricular stuff and way way worse in those things.
He needs to find his tribe. I found mine .. state school educated people doing oddball subjects like mine and none of us had grade 8 piano or played country level hockey. We drank and went out and had a good time and studied hard and left with 2:1s. I went on to earn 6 figure salary and no one asked me about my grades ever since. And yes all my friends at other unis had way less essays and work but that's Cambridge for you.
Tell him to stop stressing about 1st unless he's trying to enter academia. Tell him uni is about life experience too and a 2:1 is a bloody good result either way and tell him to lean into everything college life has to offer.

I went to Oxford and got a 2.1, it has opened plenty of doors for me career wise. Like other posters say, a 2.1 from Oxbridge is ‘worth’ more than a 1st from other universities.

Is your son just anxious about his end of year exams? I think with 1/3 of the course done your son should think about whether he wants to continue or switch courses if he is unhappy.

His old school friends may have less work: but I bet several of them wish they were in his shoes!

Did he really not realise that there would be a lot of work being at Cambridge or is he just upset that his friends are getting firsts and he isn't? Sometimes it's a hard lesson when you've been 'too dog' for years and then you realise in the wider world that there are others who will always be better. Good lesson to learn though.

They'll stop talking about it- I can't remember ever discussing what grades I was getting I university with my school friends.

I was at Cambridge in the late eighties. The main difference now is that students via social media can directly compare their experiences to their friends elsewhere. Back then we had no clue that our experience was not typical or normal - we just got on with it. We were fully cognisant however that the very fact of a Cambridge degree would be a huge benefit in later life.

Oxford and Cambridge aren't for everyone. The workload is packed into 8 weeks and everyone there was top of their class. It is hard. And the first year is hardest because of the fear factor.

But as @Keepthosenamesgoing said, he should be able to find his tribe. Both of mine still managed a social life and plenty of fun despite the workload, but it was a lot less than friends at Leeds and Sheffield.

Things were better from the 2nd year onwards because they knew that they are fine and on a par with everyone else. And somehow the workload gets more manageable as they established routines.

Hopefully your son will be able to enjoy his time after exams.

He doesn't sound very mature. Tell him that it's a long game. When he finishes he will have a degree from one of the top ranking universities which will open way more doors and opportunities than Durham and Nottingham,

He should end up with a better choice of career, the advantages are his for the taking. When he's earning £££ he can go party.

He needs to reframe his thinking.

DH went to Cambridge many years ago. He did Natural Sciences and it came as a real shock to him that he was no longer able to breeze through the work as he did at A level. He didn't do great in his 1st year exams, but switched some modules for the next two years and ended up graduating with a double first then stayed on to do a PhD.

First year grades aren't necessarily an indicator of final grades.

That said, what does your ds want to get out of university? Is the social life important? or the end grade? or both? He can always switch to another uni and start again if he wants.

Another comment I would make is this - at least he's getting value for money. Many of us have DCs at uni and frankly the contact time and amount of work required is woeful.

And they all pay the same,

As the parent of a child who left Oxford after one year, I would say it’s important to make sure he knows it’s ok to change his mind, ok to drop out, ok to change path. And if he drops out after first year he still has three years of funding left should he choose to use it.