My son just told me he hates uni

[Tisforptarmigan]

My son went back to uni yesterday. Once he was on the train he sent me a text saying how he hates his course and is very unhappy.
He said he hates where he is (Bristol) and doesn't like going drinking, so is just in his room all the time on his own.
His course tutor (researcher not lecturer) is Chinese and he finds him hard to understand, when he asks for help he is just told to google stuff. He said a lot of the work is just online rather than actual lectures so is just in his room watching his laptop on his own a lot.
We have told him that we will support him whatever he decides to do e,g quit and come home but he says that he wants to finish the year. Does anyone have any idea of other options he could have. Could he transfer the year just done to another uni for example?
He is in a basement uni flat and there is only his flat on that level so he hasn't made many friends and is alone a lot.
Can he change his course tutor?

Hey @Itsokish can I message you?

That was a great post from

@poetryandwine. I hope your son knows that it's perfectly okay to decide that a place is not right for him, and that somewhere else will be right for him. Well done to him for wanting to finish the year despite his unhappiness - that shows inner strength.

He's still very young and has so much time to find what's right for him. I wish him all the best.

There was a story in the news this last month about how awful Bristol Uni was when it came to dealing with students' mental health, and how they engaged in every cover-up following the aftermath of a suicide. It's a bloody awful place.

Yes of course

He is going to lectures apparently I think he is in his room on his own working all the time. He might be rewatching lectures when he does understand things

@Tisforptarmigan

Something else which I think he might like might be affiliate membership of the appropriate professional body for him, OP.

This is the form for Affiliate Membership for Mechanical Engineering students, for example.

https://www.imeche.org/membership-registration/become-a-member/affiliate-member/student-affiliate

That's good he is going to lectures. I think. Has he given you any information about how he is doing with his marks and course work if he has it?

You seem to have lots of great advice in this thread but I know that it's largely all depends what your son wants to do. However much you want to swoop i and bring him home or whatever you can't unless he wants you to.
I hope things improve for him very soon.

Students leave university all the time .
Two out of the seven people at my dd’s student accommodation left at Christmas.
They simply weren’t enjoying the university experience.
I think so much onus is put on attending university when the truth is it is not for everyone
Many students feel depressed in the first year, it is more common than one would think. I remember feeling extremely unhappy in my first year at university
However, your DS has existing MH issues so it is important that this is taken into consideration when deciding what to do next.
Is there a way he could stay at home and return to take his exams?
He could then transfer to another university and start the first year again.
You said that he was offered places at York and Lancaster. Those universities may have been more suited to him
Others have mentioned Sheffield, which is smaller than Bristol and a great student town

Tbf, I know many people who are at Bristol who love it and are doing very well.
It is a very good university.

Bristol were the first Uni to get students to agree that the Uni can speak to parents if they are worried. It was a big leap to do this as students are adults, but it's meant they can now get in quickly if any issues.

Bristol were amazing during Covid and the student support services couldn't do enough, so I'd suggest speaking to them. If your DS ticked the box, they can talk to you about any worries, but you can also talk to them.

I'm glad he's going to lectures too.

I think over the Summer I'd try to talk to him about the possibility of being ND and how that's not wrong, he might just think a little differently than those around him. See if he's willing to get assessed?

Unfortunately if he is ND and starts another course elsewhere, he won't necessarily have the fresh start he's perhaps hoping for. He won't suddenly become very sociable for instance and start inviting people out or to study together in the library.

Has he thought about trying for an apprenticeship instead?

I have only just seen this thread but have read it all. Your son has done very well to stick the course for the year.

I think as others have said he might be best off looking to transfer to a different uni for the rest of the course. I also wonder if a student house is the best thing for him as they can be really stressful if you aren't a party animal and the people you are sharing with are. On the other hand it can be isolating being in a studio on one's own. Some of the more luxurious private student halls where you are sharing with fewer people might be worth considering.

Whilst climbing is his main interest me might also enjoy a university hiking club and meet some like minded people.

He might benefit from a talking therapy. Sometimes kids this age will open up more to other adults than their own parents. In the holidays try and plan a few things that will encourage him out of his room. If he is with one parent doing an activity he enjoys he might open up a bit..

Ah bless you, I see why you are so worried/concerned. There are actually a few options your son and fam cd consider, yes he can xfer to another Uni, he can repeat the year or xfer direct into yr2 elsewhere, suspend his studies, xfer to a new course etc. Tell him to speak to student services and the student loans company to enquire about his options. I am wondering tho with his mental health being so fragile atm if he's better just suspending his studies whilst looking into other options and to give him some breathing space etc. He cd for example move back home and do an open uni degree, or distance learning degree instead. The fees for Open Uni are cheaper, he wd b less lonely moving back home and he cd even work part-time alongside doing his course if he wishes. I have a son who has just started Uni, he has social anxiety etc, but I also have a bro who committed suicide at 21, so I wd 100% put yr sons's mental health first. The rest can all fall into place over time. I really wish u and yr son all the very best 🫂

I suppose I could write an essay on how bloody awful Bristol is. Sure, some like it but others totally don't and there is much too say against the city and the uni - it just seems to be something in the water there imo.

There are other things to say against uni life generally, however.

I had a chance to go some place else after a year and bottled it, I wish that I had however.

I could write an essay on how bloody lovely Bristol is. One experience does not mean a place is bad for everyone.

@Tisforptarmigan

as your thread has been restarted, do you have an update ?
as this was started in April and I reckon your son would be starting / has started his 2nd year now ?

It's a long wait until June if he's this unhappy. For the sake of his mental health could he come home now, take this year out and work and reapply to a different uni and/or course next year? His living arrangements sound terrible for someone who has had mental health issues. So sorry he's going through this and it must be so hard on you, far away worrying. Hoping you both find a good solution soon.

Can you continue the university and get him a year out? Can he transfer to a more hands on course? Can he transfer to a university nearer to you? I strongly suggest leaving doors and choices open

I'm sure some people do love Bristol but it's poor on student well being and the accommodation situation the OP's son was landed in was crap.

Check the dates folks. This thread was started in April and ended a few days later.

He can apply for another uni next year.