My son just told me he hates uni

[Tisforptarmigan]

My son went back to uni yesterday. Once he was on the train he sent me a text saying how he hates his course and is very unhappy.
He said he hates where he is (Bristol) and doesn't like going drinking, so is just in his room all the time on his own.
His course tutor (researcher not lecturer) is Chinese and he finds him hard to understand, when he asks for help he is just told to google stuff. He said a lot of the work is just online rather than actual lectures so is just in his room watching his laptop on his own a lot.
We have told him that we will support him whatever he decides to do e,g quit and come home but he says that he wants to finish the year. Does anyone have any idea of other options he could have. Could he transfer the year just done to another uni for example?
He is in a basement uni flat and there is only his flat on that level so he hasn't made many friends and is alone a lot.
Can he change his course tutor?

Lancaster has a good reputation. DS is doing an engineering degree and as posted above only one lecture is online.

Many universities do a general first year for engineering so it might be possible to transfer into Y2 if he has covered the required modules

Would he feel better living with them rather than where he is now?
Living with people I actually liked was a game changer for me

It is possible to transfer between unis, especially from Bristol to a less prestigious one. Although it's harder to make friends in second year than first year. It sounds like he hasn't found his people yet. Could he try D&D, MTG or something like that? There will be plenty of others in the same boat.

He can transfer both course & University.

"If you changed course, stopped your studies or are repeating a yearIf you stopped your course within the first year, you’ll get funding for the same course or a new course when you go back.
You might also get funding if you:

• suspended your course or withdrew before it finished - and you’re going back to study any course
• are repeating a year of your course at the same university, college, or institution."

He should have access to student services, have an allocated personal tutor and can also ask to speak to the programme leader.

My DS dropped out of Uni at the end of 1st year - he actually told us he didn't want to go back a couple of days before the start of Yr 2. He took a year out, worked PT in retail, decided he would study a completely different course at a different Uni the following year, (switched from Sciences to Humanities) and went to his new Uni as a completely different person.
He had hated his 1st chosen course (although unlike your DS he had enjoyed the social life) and interestingly he also struggled with the plethora of Chinese tutors teaching his course.
He fully embraced Uni life and his course the 2nd time around and went on to study a Masters in the same place. His year back at home and working certainly enabled him to mature more too.

Dropping out/changing courses is more common than you think.
Life is too short to be miserable. Do what is needed - it will all work out in the end.

My friend group have kids in the 20s and early 30s and switching unis, quitting, taking unexpected years out etc is not the least bit uncommon. Some changed unis more than once. The positive thing is that they all emerged ok. One lad switched about 4 times but is now in a good grad job. Another lad switched from Bristol after year one, went somewhere else for year 2 and 3 then back to Bristol for year four and a first class degree.

Sheffield isn't a bad shout especially for engineering. It's big but doesn't feel it. Cheap'ish too.
It would be great if he could speak with student services though.
The issue of lecturers etc having heavy accents is a real one.
Two of my four kids are teatotal - it's normal but doesn't help if your kid is struggling to socialise.
What you son needs to know is that he has lots of options and that he doesn't need to race to make decisions now. He is clearly a bright lad.

Good luck OP. Don't worry too much.. Although I know you will. At least he is talking to you about how he feels

He has a house arranged for next year with people from his course.
If he is going to leave Bristol it would be an idea to find someone to take his place so he isn't liable for a years rent!
Having said that, one of my DC had an intended-housemate drop out because they didn't progress beyond Year 1. The house found a replacement in a student (in the year below) who was a last-minuter (through clearing or adjustment or something like that) who missed the usual accommodation application process.

My son is at Bristol and has accessed counselling and support and speaks to someone regularly. Has helped him.
That said I personally would say if he’s planning to move I would restart first year elsewhere and therefore if he’s unhappy would drop out now.

@Newgirls I heard 2 girls talking on the bus about this- we live near Bath uni and they transferred after 1st year from Bristol. They were saying they much preferred it as it was campus based and smaller and cosier and easier to find your tribe

If he quits now he won't have to pay back the full amount and he'll get funding, he needs to be quick though. My DS left after two terms, and e were able to pay back his loan as it was about 5k and he can go back later.

Meant to say he'll get to be able to apply for a loan in the future

Thanks for all your comments I have read them all and found them very useful.

I am going to use these to compile some options for him going forward. I think he believe the only option is to carry on as he is. Obviously not the case and we will support him in any decision he makes.

Hopefully he will engage with student services for this year and see if he can move for next year. He said the Bristol is not for him. I don't think he stay for a further two miserable years if this is the case

My daughter had completed 2 years and had to leave in 3rd year for MH problems. She transferred to Sussex following September but had to redo second year to graduate from Sussex.
It really was the best option and she is now thriving.
I really would encourage him to come home if his MH is poor Just not worth taking any chances!
My husband is climber .I shall ask him about climbing opportunities in Bristol area.
Climbing definitely helps my husband clear his head .X

Tell him to finish this current academic year. It's April now, so he'll only have 6 weeks or so to go.

Then, try and get a transfer to a different university.....he shouldn't have to repeat a year, he'll go straight into the 2nd year.

Has he got exams coming up? Has he passed all modules so far?

He is so insular he does not tell me anything so not sure. He had passed everything at Christmas break. It don't know how he's getting on now. I know he hasn't given up on his studies as he has been going to labs on Saturdays and says he is doing a lot of work. This of course does not mean he is succeeding.

. He didn't talk to us at all over Easter. Stupidly I thought he was unhappy at home and wanted to go back to uni.

This is something I worry about for my son who will hopefully go to uni this year. When visiting universities one in particular seemed to have very good support services in place. Although this University is also about 4 hours away door to door. He is not interested in drinking ect and I fear he will be lonely. My Uni days (a long time ago) there was a lot of drinking and I enjoyed it! but the world has changed.

I would encourage him to finish the year as he is so close to the end. He could then transfer to a different Uni and take his credits with him and join in the second year with a bit of research to find the right course. Maybe a university closer to home would be better for him so that he could commute.

I think there is a lot of expectations that University are 'the best years of your life' will be a place you 'meet all your friends' etc and it simply is not always the case. Its very common for people in their first year to feel disappointed, a bit lost and out of synch with the very different learning environment. The first year is often moderated less heavily because of that. Engineering degrees can also take time to come into their own so he may find future years an improvement. Hobbies are very important and there will be various clubs. Climbing is great but he is right about maybe needing transport however I am sure he can car share and pool costs if he asks. Is he a bit on the shy side? If he can view University as a time to push out of the comfort zone that might be another goal to encourage where he can. It is positive that he wants to complete - I would be open to things improving if he can invest as much as possible. To have arrangements in place for Yr 2 is very good. Can you find out what Yr 2 might look like academically because there may be a lot more on offer next year.

If all else fails, he can consider his options. The good news is he is willing to talk to you. Apprenticeships are very competitive right now and can offer an equivalent learning opportunity to University. He will need to explain why he is switching track but it can be done if he highlights his strengths. Has he had a job before? Does he thrive better in a work/structured context?

Keep talking to him and getting him to engage with the ideas shared here

You can always contact student services yourself too - just to make them aware of him and ask them to do a welfare check if you feel he needs it. I did that in dad's first year when she called me one Friday afternoon as she was talking about dropping out/feeling suicidal. They were really good. We were a 6-7 hour drive away so it was really frightening.

Agree with others, your DS's mental health is top priority. Can you visit or get him to come home just for a short while to support him while he's feeling so low? It's good that he felt able to reach out to you and be honest about how he's feeling.

Now - this may not be what many people want to hear because as an academic institution , Bristol is highly regarded - but I know of several students who have struggled in similar way to your son while at university there. And of course there was the high profile tragic case of the girl who took her own life and Bristol uni were found to have breached Equalities legislation, they failed to provide adequate adjustments and support. It does seem as though Bristol's support provision isnt good. I have a former colleague who works there too and isn't happy, she feels both staff and student well being is a low priority.

So going forward a move is probably best. He may be happier somewhere smaller and campus based. It's awful that almost all his teaching is online too. Not all universities are doing this, it's shocking really when you think of the financial, as well as social and emotional commitment students make in leaving home to go to university. He had offers from other good universities which is positive.

I really hope things work out for him. Just be there in this immediate crisis and reassure him that there are other options - and also that in a few years time, no one will give a thought as to whether he started one course and then switched to another university. It will seem like the biggest problem in the world to him right now but this is sortable and he deserves to be somewhere that will make proper provision.

Lazarusb. Thanks we will contact them tomorrow. I don't think they would speak to us as he is an adult.

He would probably need to give them permission to speak to you, he could do that by email.

Dropping out/changing courses is more common than you think.

Completely agree with @ohtowinthelottery . When I started looking into this for my DS loads of my friends said 'oh I changed uni / my DC changed uni' etc. When I approached various unis the replies were along the lines of they could consider a move direct into Y2 depending on how similar his course is to their one. I believe the official way to apply for a transfer is via UCAS, so it's late in the day from that respect but absolutely still worth exploring.

Ultimately my DS didn't want to consider a transfer, even though he is also yet to find his tribe, as he doesn't want to go out drinking, and spends way too much time on his own in his room. We have reasons to feel more positive about next year - his accommodation is much more central, and some of his modules are much more practically-focused and less 'droning on in a lecture theatre'. But I still really wish he was closer to home, and had a group of friends. This year has been a very expensive disappointment, basically.

How much more teaching does your DS need to be there for @Tisforptarmigan ? Are his assessments done online? I'm wondering if he can finish the year without having to be there so much, esp if he can get support from student services to get 'signed off' in some way. Wishing you all the best.

You will need his permission to talk to support services etc. would he be willing to give that?

An engineering apprenticeship might be another way forward, especially if he likes the practical side