I'm feeling like uni just isn't an option for our children. It's made me very sad.

[F0XCUBs]

In tears this morning. We have two bright children. One would go to uni next year. But we can't afford it. We are middle income rather than very low or high. They would get a loan but it wouldn't cover all the rent at most unis.
DH says they have to go to local uni or do an apprenticeship and that is that. DD would really like to go to a new place from where we live.
Yes I know we should have prepared for this for years, I'm sorry I really didn't know we were expected to contribute £300-500 per month! We didn't go to uni. Between us we earn about £50.000. But don't have spare money left over.
I know they could get jobs but dd1 has applied for twelve jobs in our town and not got one. She is autistic and lacks social skills so I don't think we can rely on her getting one. Especially if there are thousands of other kids applying for the same part time jobs.
How do people afford it?! It seems so unfair that we can't give them the opportunity
When DS wants to go we definitely can't afford two lots of that money

Kindly, please do not remortgage your home. They’ll have to either work for a year beforehand to save, then go, or work whilst they’re there. Or go local. They’ll have to work eventually, good to get experience now - applying for 12 jobs is nothing honestly!! Or really consider if uni is the best option, it isn’t a golden ticket into a job.

Get them to take a year out to work and save first. Focus on the Midlands/North where rent is much more manageable. If you can afford £100 a month each to support, that will still be a huge help with food costs etc.

I agree, definitely do NOT do this.

I took a gap year and worked a combination of a retail job and nights in a warehouse- was bloody exhausting but not only did it give me some decent savings to take with me but also I transferred to a store near my uni so I had a job sorted for uni before I got there. University is by no means the only option, but if they genuinely want to go there are ways they just take some graft. They should check out the bursaries available, calculate the loan, and see what jobs are about. I had zero parental financing and the loans and bursaries weren't gold plated when I went either but its doable.

You also need to know that often halls are only available for first years. Uni lasts for 3 or more...

They will need to arrange house shares for subsequent years... often before they really know anybody well enough to want to share. Prices of house shares vary immensely, look at rental costs in preferred locations BEFORE plumping for a course there.

(Bath was great for my youngest, great course, great campus, easy home travel, "reasonable" halls cost ... but O.M.G second year on was pricey!)

I was thinking about this too.

If she finds it difficult to establish rapport with other people and struggles with other autism related traits. She might be better off staying near you or at home where she can benefit of your support without having the direct need to interact positively and regularly with other people in order to survive the challenge of ingratiating herself with flatmates and other students in order to participate in university life, her student flat’s social dynamics, work in a team and the always difficult one: be close and strong member of a group of people so they would like you to move to a new flat together.

The percentage of people with ASD in universities may be considerably higher at university in certain subjects, they will be respected by their brain, determination and problem solving skills if they are better than usual BUT how happy and fulfilled they might become may be heavily based in developing strong relationships and if that is something she struggles with, university may be hell for her.

May be choosing a close by university, live in halls the first year with an option to live at home for the 2 and third year, May be a better option for her.

I have seen a few students attending university locally or at a short commute spending the first year in halls and then moving back to family home.

This was planned, not accidental. The idea was to become used to university life, become part of a friendship group, get used to make the best that the university has to offer and to survive on their own.

Once this is done, moving back to their childhood bedroom is not a problem as they have already done the networking, friendships and exploring what they need to do to avoid experiencing university as if it was just a bigger 6th form.

I have found however, that those students who stay at home from the get go, tend not to hang around at uni as much. Heading home easily all the time doesn’t put pressure on them mingling with other people or participating in events so they miss up on everything else universities offer away from the classrooms. They also seem very dependent on mum and dad as they have not had the chance to learn to survive and cope on their own.

Lots of people don't realise they don't - I was talking to a fellow Professor in my Department with teenage children last week and they hadn't realised the loan would barely cover half of the accommodation let alone food etc!

It is a travesty really that the loans are insufficient and it is always the families in the middle who suffer worse - they earn enough to only get the bare minimum but genuinely cannot afford to pay it especially if they have other children.

And it is not just 'fancy' places like Edinburgh, Durham etc where it won't cover accommodation - my daughter was in halls in Leeds last year - nothing fancy, tower block of 5/6 students per flat shared kitchen self catered - and that was over £7k. I have gone to several open days at other Universities over the last 2-3 years with my children and only one - see below - had accommodation that would be covered by the loan.

Can recommend Aberystwyth - we were very impressed with it and it is on my youngest's UCAS list - excellent University doing some fantastic research that really supports their students and widening participation. They also have a range of grants/bursaries on offer. It is just a long way for some of us!
https://www.aber.ac.uk/en/accommodation/fees/#accommodation-fees--
https://www.aber.ac.uk/en/study-with-us/ug-studies/scholarships/

I agree with you, my son now late 20's with ASD went to uni but wasn't able to cope
socially - this affected his academic study as well as his course involved a lot of team work ( computer aided design course). He left in his 2nd year. It has taken him a long time to find his feet. He was employed by a community based charity as an administrator apprentice and he loved it as he got to learn how to deal with all sorts of social interaction situations involved in the day to day running of a community centre. I have worked in charity shops myself and they are very supportive of volunteers who need help with social skills as you say. My younger daughter never wanted to go to uni and left her college btech course because of too much pressure to apply for uni, she went on an apprenticeship and got full time employment in fast food place , where she met lots of people who had finished uni but were unable to get work in their degree fields - one girl had a degree in psychology but left her fast food managers job to work for the railways !

If they are first in the family to go to uni get them applying for every scholarship and scheme they can.

www.thescholarshiphub.org.uk/first-your-family-go-university/

Have you looked at Swansea? I think her grades would be at the right level there, they have good pastoral care and rents are low (my DS was spending £100 per week including bills)

Thanks again for all the support. I've had a very productive day thanks to you all! ( I don't work on Mondays) and have sat down with DD this afternoon to go through everything.
In case anyone is interested!

We've set a limit of £6500 for accommodation. This is the loan amount.
They are going to get a job in a charity shop and continue to apply for jobs locally to improve prospects of getting a job at uni
They are open to going to local uni, looking at halls for first year then come home or make a choice about that
Have told them we can only contribute approx £175 per month
I've looked at lots of unis and what support is available for autistic students, a couple offer halls for whole course for autistic students
Someone mentioned Swansea, yes looking at that too. Only might be a bit far away. Otherwise looks great.

Been looking at bursaries etc.
I was hoping being a female doing CS and autistic and parents didn't go to uni might help somehow but no luck there.

Is Bristol and UWE impossible to get accommodation after the first year? Does anyone know? Might decide against that one

Also discussed degree apprenticeships and she thinks she may as well apply to those too as she likes the idea of going somewhere every day rather than sitting in room motivating herself to study.

Thanks again for all the help and for giving me a kick up the arse

She still says the local uni said it would all be paid for and there was no need to worry about money. She said none of her friends talked about that either. Her brother seemed to know though!

Couldn't see any that would apply but thanks

Just wanted to say that you seem to be a very caring mum and your DD sounds great. I am an academic (not CS) and there are many neurodivergent students at universities who achieve amazing things and, like most other students, develop independence, improve their social skills, make friends and blossom. It's not too late to start researching and getting a better understanding of the differences between courses and universities. If you can, try to attend some Open Days to get a feel for different universities, have a nose around sites like https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/ and look at university rankings https://www.theguardian.com/education/ng-interactive/2022/sep/24/best-uk-universities-for-computer-science-information-systems-league-table. Best of luck!

Another problem with halls is you don’t dictate the one you want ie the Uni may have 8 halls one at 6k the others 7-9k you’re generally asked to choose ie 5 and put them in order of preference and you can end up with any out the 5. My dd got her 2nd choice her friend got her 4th

DD is just about to start at Cambridge. Her college (and I think lots of other colleges) have bursaries upto £3k for incomes below about £65k. You only pay accommodation for term time which is short (28 weeks) and whilst they don’t recommend you work during term time as the summer holidays are the longest of most universities it is possible to earn during the summer and jobs like student ambassadors or doing tours for new students during term time are allowed and are well paid. DD’s 30 week licence which includes bills, wifi and washing machines costs is £175 per week so just over £5k per year. Those on low incomes get a reduced rent possibly on top of bursary. Some colleges are even cheaper.

Was your daughter one of the years where they had the child trust fund? I know it only ran for a few years but did included my daughter’s year.L and a couple of years after I think. Even if you just banked the £250 the government gave many are now worth about £1,000.

My DD is at Anglia Ruskin (Cambridge campus), which is good for vocational courses (she is at the art school there). She is on minimum loan and that paid for her first year accommodation! Second year is more expensive but she worked in the summer holiday.

Sounds a productive day Op. Yes these current yr 13s have the child trust fund, worth checking its value.
There’s a Facebook group aimed at parents called What I wish I knew about University which has lots of good info.

It’s quite possible that if it was your local university talking to a group of local students who’d (presumably) be living at home, the conversation about money just revolves around fees, which would be paid for in full by the tuition loan that all students can get, so ‘no need to worry’. I think she’s just not heard the full context.

I know, you keep telling me. She wants to go and I will support her in the ways I have told her I can if that is what she wants.