I'm feeling like uni just isn't an option for our children. It's made me very sad.

[F0XCUBs]

In tears this morning. We have two bright children. One would go to uni next year. But we can't afford it. We are middle income rather than very low or high. They would get a loan but it wouldn't cover all the rent at most unis.
DH says they have to go to local uni or do an apprenticeship and that is that. DD would really like to go to a new place from where we live.
Yes I know we should have prepared for this for years, I'm sorry I really didn't know we were expected to contribute £300-500 per month! We didn't go to uni. Between us we earn about £50.000. But don't have spare money left over.
I know they could get jobs but dd1 has applied for twelve jobs in our town and not got one. She is autistic and lacks social skills so I don't think we can rely on her getting one. Especially if there are thousands of other kids applying for the same part time jobs.
How do people afford it?! It seems so unfair that we can't give them the opportunity
When DS wants to go we definitely can't afford two lots of that money

Firstly don’t panic Op.
On mumsnet ‘everyone’ knows you pay parental contribution but in real world I think memo definitely hasn’t got through. Most people think everyone can get a maintenance loan.
Only being able to borrow 2/3 of loan became parents are on 50,000 joint makes a huge difference. You are expected to pay £300 a month from net without any regard to outgoings, multiple dc at uni. It’s a huge shock.
A year out sounds good to enable your dc to develop skills and work and you to save.
You haven’t missed all uni open days lots are on now and October. Go to some with dc. There are finance and disabled student talks.
There is lots in place for disabled students.
I’d start looking at what are top regarded unis for subject and entry grades. Then look at other criteria eg campus.

Oh really? I thought it was a good option, I told her she couldn't do anything like Philosophy or English because it wouldn't get her a job

It does matter if it’s not the best uni yes. Teaching standards, connections with graduate employers, reputation…

Especially in a competitive field.

I agree an ASD mentor is not a silver bullet. But it is better than nothing. I knew the ASD mentor will in all likelihood need dd to reach out to get the benefit. Knowing dd won't, I facilitated nagged dd to set up weekly appointments with the ASD mentor from the outset. I also called/texted dd to ask how the session went to make sure she was using it.

For all I know, dd was lying to me but after she got settled in, she did not seem to need the ASD mentor by the end of the first year. She passed the first year, so I assume she met whatever deadlines and did her course work to the required standard.

The help is there, it is not perfect. Dd is autistic so as a parent I am there for her, knowing her limitations, to access that support, since I cannot physically provide the same support when she was at home. It gave me some comfort at least to let dd go.

You haven't let her down. She has not been proactive herself. She will have been told all of this in school and if she didn't pick it up fully, then surely her friends will have been discussing it and heading off to open days?

There are ways of making it all happen.

1. You find a way to increase your income. Work in a different sector, or a different role.
2. Any way your DH could increase his income? Any grandparents who might be able to pitch in a little bit?
3. She needs to find a job, any job. She hasn't applied for half enough jobs. My elder two found it difficult to get a start but that's going back upwards of 10 years. There are plenty of jobs out there now. Youngest has pretty much moved from one job to another. Got their first job when a local company did a presentation in school and told the kids, if they wanted something in life, they had to go get it. So opportunist bobbed up, asked for a job, and got one!! They literally made one up for my DC! That provided work experience, and that was just the platform they needed.
4. Volunteer in a charity shop to get work experience. Don't apply to Tesco, Asda, Next etc. Look for work in the local smaller shops. Easier to get into, then she could move for more money (though most are just min wage).
5. Is she learning to drive, and if so, will she have access to a car? Delivery jobs going - eg our local Domino's looking.
6. Gap year, as already suggested.
7. Go local, with the option to live away from home/abroad in a placement year. All three of mine did/are doing this. That gets the living away experience but a couple of years further down the line when they're a bit older and more confident.
8. Eldest did degree local but PGCE away from home, with a bursary of £26k. Taught near uni for a couple of years then moved to a FT perm post near home, now saving for a house deposit. Placement year abroad but was paid, had cheap accommodation provided and got Erasmus then.
9. 2nd moved away for uni at 19 (did a foundation year locally). Spent placement year in London (that one was financially tough but got a small bursary from industry sponsor). Heading to Europe soon for another course and that is going to be challenging as self-funded. No Erasmus due to fucking Brexshit.
10. 3rd studying near home but has ambitions to go to the US for placement year. Saving and working PT.
11. I think degree apprenticeships are a great idea and why not go for one? Maybe your DS would be more suited to this than your DD?
12. Try to avoid an overlap between children, maybe through gap year?

There's lot of options but it's up to your DD to research these, with your support, not the other way round. If she is capable of such good grades, then she is capable of putting in the groundwork of checking out options.

DH and I are both graduates but there's a world of difference between how things were for us and how they are now. My three sorted themselves out.

As the saying goes, where there's a will, there's a way!

I do sometimes wonder whether uni is even the best option for bright kids now - and I've always been a big advocate for education!! I am sure the tiler who recently did my bathroom and is the same age as my eldest, is earning a lot more than my DC in a profession, plus tiler is his own boss. If any of mine showed any skill in a trade, tbh I would encourage it. Tradies are so bloody difficult to get and can basically name their price!

Also get both your kids to seek careers/uni advice, either through school, local careers service, or online. There's never been more info so readily available, so there's no excuse not to avail of it.

Be positive!

Lots of young people do a gap year or two living at home to earn some money to pay for university.

If your dd cannot get any form of job at all, i'd leave aside the university aim for a while and focus on her "life" and employment skills. She will need employment to support herself as an adult - I'd be prioritising that over study, initially.

Her course only needs her in for three days a week

That would not be a computing degree. Or most STEM subjects.

I’m going to give practical advice.

1. Start a spreadsheet. Put grades, accommodation costs etc into it.
2. She should get about £6000 loan, so look at cheaper accommodation. There’s plenty at some universities. Approx 110 a week, maybe 4500 a year. Pay for that with the loan.
3. She then has 1500 plus whatever you can give her and she can earn to live on. She’s not a big spender. Online tuition in maths might be a job for her.
4. They are home more than you think, so don’t need you to give money as much during holiday time.
5. If you have a decent local university, living in halls for year 1, to get the experience and gain independence, and then moving back home can work, and saves money.
6. Ignore people berating you. £50000 is not a gigantic income, leaving lots of spare money at the moment.
7. She can declare her disability to uni and jobs.
8. Don’t worry about open days. Choose based on course content, accommodation, grades etc. You can visit any time you want or go to offer holder days. Street view in google maps is useful to get a feel for the place.

You’ve got time to do the research still.

I think I'm repeating what others have said about apprenticeships, but Legal & General have an apprenticeship scheme that leads to a degree.
They are very open to autism and neurodiversity in general, and I know they are looking to increase the number of women employed in IT. (Look at the "Be a Part of it" section.)

https://www.legalandgeneral.com/careers/future-talent/

PP is right
https://blog.gitnux.com/computer-science-employment-statistics/#:~:text=industry%20is%20growing.-,Computer%20Science%20has%20the%20highest%20gender%20imbalance%20and%20unemployment%20rate,11%25%20of%20graduates%20being%20unemployed.

I posted earlier about why - not sure if you've seen it but if not will happily repost.

You dont have to stay in halls, either for first or any year, just rent accommodation that you can afford

I don’t think @Mrsttcno1 is trying to be harsh but just to show you the reality of what it’s like once there. Yes the money and logistics are the biggest focus just now, then it’s the application process but after all that once there it really is a different ball game. I spent my first few weeks at uni walking round alone on my break crying or phoning my parents. I had no idea how to integrate into a group in this environment it had totally thrown me. I am a shy but confident person but school friends I had known for years and was a safe environment. To suddenly be with nobody I knew who all seemed to have no issues making small talk and getting to know each other I became more and more isolated. Thankfully one day a slightly older girl noticed and took me under her wing and although we didn’t remain close friends through her I met my people. Up until that point I struggled to find classes dotted over 2 campus. I turned up on the enrolment day at the wrong time because nobody explicitly explained how it worked. Others did too but at that time I didn’t know and felt really stupid. When my grandpa died and I went to my tutor asking for the handouts as I had been at my grandpas funeral I was told it wasn’t their issue to solve attending lectures was my responsibility. Thankfully I settled and hopefully your dd will too but it’s a very harsh reality going straight from school, I wish I had a year out to mature and enjoy beforehand.

If she’s struggling to get work due to autism look at local authority for gap year. Guaranteed interview if disability snd meets criteria. Our council has an intern scheme geared towards young employees with autism too.

That's why you need to start making lists and making those lists smaller. Then start visiting the short list

Going to a campus uni is a perfectly good criterion when choosing a uni.

Are you able to speak to her careers teacher? They know your daughter and may have extra info on unis that are good with SEN students.

Above all - you need to stop panicking and start getting practical - start making lists and making them smaller. You have agency - start using it

Oxbridge offer extra bursaries and financial support. For example Trinity College Cambridge is currently offering a £4000 grant per year for those with families earning less than 62k. This is on top of the Cambridge bursary (about 1k grant per year for a 50k household) plus student loans. This would be just about enough to live on.

Edit: sorry just saw predicted grades but perhaps other unis may offer similar bursary schemes too.

Probably because she has no work experience. It's a vicious circle. Which is why I suggested volunteering in say a charity shop - people skills, ability to use till, price up stock etc. It's a start. My elder two started that way.

DC2 was painfully shy. Volunteering, then paid work in retail brought on their confidence by leaps and bounds. Plus an extra year at home before moving away.

Forgot to mention agency work - DC2 registered for shifts in hospitality and got a decent amount of work, and in some incredibly interesting venues, like large football stadia, society weddings, and a cafe in Selfridge's to name but a few!

...I really don't understand, they get loans and get a part time job or live at home and travel in

You can do this OP.
Make sure your DC chooses a cheap Uni. Loughborough for example, as linked above, can be really cheap if you go for the basic accommodation, plus you can stay on campus in Yr2 and sometimes 3 as well, keeping costs under control.
Fees will be paid by the loan.
The maintenance loan will cover the accommodation and a small top up from you will be just about enough if they are good at budgeting, plus they need to keep applying for jobs, locally and on site for term time.

For holiday or pt work Factory work not customer facing may be a better option. Or something like shelf stacking overnight.
I was going to recommend McDonalds as there’s several teens with autism where my dc works, they do kitchen but see she’s tried.

Do you really think the application process for Oxbridge is doable for a young woman who struggles with social skills? I think it's daunting for any youngster.

My son has just spent the summer working as an office cleaner - small amount of interaction with colleagues, but no customers to deal with. Your dd might want to think about non-shop based part time jobs?

Taking a year out after A levels and working (again, not shops - she might get a coding job or admin) would probably be good for her skills-wise and she could save. And spend a bit more time researching what she wants to do and where.

Computer degrees - may I recommend Sheffield? Really good career-focused course, entry is around ABB and the city and accommodation are the cheapest I've seen (although admittedly we didn't look at Hull).

Not sure if anyone has mentioned "contextual admissions" - if she's the first generation in your family to go to uni this applies to her. Lower entry requirements basically.

Yep I do apologise for not having read the thread properly- I read the word bright in the first line so assumed Oxbridge may be an option. However for what it’s worth, I do think those who do have poor social skills can go through the Oxbridge application process.
My DC has poor social skills (very shy, few friends, nervous speaking), but they went through the process this year. What helped before the interview was remembering that they were never going to see the interviewers again if it didn’t go well, and that helped block out some of the nerves. Also the interview was very structured around their subject which helped as no pleasantries were required like a job interview would ask for.

We dropped our DD off at Manchester yesterday. We are comfortable earners (£150k a year combined income) (but have two more DDs at home) and her rent for her first year halls is £7.5k. She is entitled to the minimum maintenance loan which we have said she needs to use for food/nights out etc (or saves what she can), and have said she needs a job to subsidise too. My DH and I are paying all of her living costs (the £7.5k), it does come out in instalments FYI.

the reason I’m saying all this is because years ago we looked into this. Researched how much this would cost US as parents etc etc (Martin Lewis has done some great videos on University).
you had the chance to do the same and you haven’t so if you haven’t budgeted for this and can’t afford it unfortunately moving away from home right now isn’t an option for your DD.

a year out to work and save whilst living at home is a great option for her. Or going to university in your home town. Or better still an apprenticeship in her chosen profession.

you need to sit down with her and just outline all of the options.

good luck 🙂

You earn £150k, you probably think I could earn that too if I just made an effort.
Good for you that you prepared and looked into it many years ago. I didn't. It is highly likely that you come from a. Very different background to me.

I can see that everyone thinks it's just east and I keep wondering to myself why? But I'm starting to think that uni is just set up for those who come from similar backgrounds.

I know people will say I'm wrong but I do think some kids are at a massive advantage when applying because their parents know the system and can research effectively without getting overwhelmed. Or they just aren't a loser who has messed up their life lol

Yep I do apologise for not having read the thread properly- I read the word bright in the first line so assumed Oxbridge may be an option.

Lol. Bright only means A stars. I didn't realise sorry.
She is bright, but she doesn't make a lot of effort. My DS is much more proactive.