I'm feeling like uni just isn't an option for our children. It's made me very sad.

[F0XCUBs]

In tears this morning. We have two bright children. One would go to uni next year. But we can't afford it. We are middle income rather than very low or high. They would get a loan but it wouldn't cover all the rent at most unis.
DH says they have to go to local uni or do an apprenticeship and that is that. DD would really like to go to a new place from where we live.
Yes I know we should have prepared for this for years, I'm sorry I really didn't know we were expected to contribute £300-500 per month! We didn't go to uni. Between us we earn about £50.000. But don't have spare money left over.
I know they could get jobs but dd1 has applied for twelve jobs in our town and not got one. She is autistic and lacks social skills so I don't think we can rely on her getting one. Especially if there are thousands of other kids applying for the same part time jobs.
How do people afford it?! It seems so unfair that we can't give them the opportunity
When DS wants to go we definitely can't afford two lots of that money

My Ds is looking a course in Edinburgh that only requires 3 days a week (around 12 hrs f2f)

We are exactly the same. Middle income and minimum loan. My son knows he will have to pay for accommodation and will work alongside studying.
Plenty of students do.

We were in this position years ago. We supported one of our children to go to a local uni and save on accommodation.

It was a Computer programming course with high rates of pay after graduating so it's a worthwhile course.

What happened is, they spent the first two years at home. Had a paid work placement year and lived out because they had an income, then continue to work for the company into the final year at uni. Also living out for that final year.

So it might be she starts in a supported way from home and lives out once she's saved enough money to do so. She could also do occasional nights at friends houses on a blow up mattress. I bought one for this purpose.

It worked out. We have some savings but no pension so we were reluctant to sink our retirement pot into university as we have three children to cover and we are older so less opportunity to build it back up.

Starting at home doesn't mean that she'll be spending the full course at home. She won't miss out, not at all.

It's very possible for your child to take a gap year, work for a year to save up for uni OP. Perhaps look into some interview and other skills sessions to help find a suitable job. An entry level / admin position in a professional services or IT environment should hopefully be enough to save some money.

It sounds like Op’s daughter may find it hard to work and study due to her autism. Would she qualify for PIP?

Dd stayed at home and went to the local uni. For her it was due to health reasons. In an ideal world she’d probably have gone elsewhere but it was what it was. She did the subject she wanted, got a 1st class degree. I think that’s better than not going at all.

Please don’t tell her what she can and can’t do. She’s an adult and the tuition fees will be hers. By all means suggest she thinks about career prospects but telling her no will lead to resentment and her blaming you down the line. Plus with any degree she is opening up general graduate schemes!

My DD ( now 20 ) is autistic and couldn’t get a P/T job while still at school, instead she volunteered in a local Barnardos charity shop. They were very supportive and she grew in confidence. She decided she’d prefer an apprenticeship to going to uni ( as we’ve got friends with children who were still unemployable after their degrees ) she was successful in applying for an admin apprenticeship in the NHS which she has just finished. She’s just got her first job in HR which she is loving.

@F0XCUBs I am the opposite of what you think and I have made sure I am knowledgeable about uni and pip as I knew it would likely feature in their lives. I live in a council house, work part time and have a serious illness (cancer)

Don't be ' woe is me' you will her no favours or your son.

@F0XCUBs I've got a degree in English and I'm the head of my dept earning over £50,000 & I'm not a teacher. Do not underestimate how versatile a humanities degree can be.

OP, I think you need to ask your DD how she thinks she'd manage living away? if she can't get a pt job perhaps staying at home for local uni would be best for her.

I appreciate the costs of going to University can be a nightmare but maybe I can throw a curved ball in here by suggesting what I have just done as a long term solution.
My DD is just about to embark on a PhD in a Northern city and the costs of private accommodation are crazy, over £1000 a month is not uncommon for a one bedroom flat.
Appreciating I am in a fortunate position I have just bought a three bedroom house for £155,000 for her to live in during her three year course.
Given your equity of £250,000 this could be an option and maybe your DS will benefit from it in the future.
The property would be an asset and most likely increase in value as and when you no longer need it and decide to sell.
It could, maybe as she gets to make friends, also be shared by other students during her course and create extra revenue for you making life much easier for her, you and your panicking hubby.

I agree, better to do a degree in a subject you love. She can't do English without the A level anyway but it's what my DD did and she did very well. She would have done a lot less well doing a degree in science.

If your daughter does apply to go to university, please do encourage her to apply for a DSA needs assessment Whilst the funding won’t help with everyday costs, rent etc, there is funding available for equipment and support if she has a diagnosis.

@Ilefttownonsaturday Also an English grad with a well paying job relevant to my degree - but also have family members with a random selection of degrees in graduate level jobs
@F0XCUBs please don’t discount a degree in a good solid subject

My dh and I have joint income of 60k and both dc went to uni. Maintenance loan was around 6k which covered accommodation plus about £100 pm left. We gave each dd £100 pm towards food. Then they both worked in fast food. They went to North unis and accommodation was around 5k. You say your dd will struggle to work due to asd. Would she be entitled to PIP?

I don't get this? I went to uni, worked and no one helped me out. You don't need to support her she can do it herself. But I love that you want too. Don't be so harsh on yourself. She can go. Or even do part time if money is a concern xx

Oxbridge is actually often cheaper than many universities. Many colleges have bursaries for those on incomes below about £60k, only pay for accommodation for 28 to 30 weeks, non-means tested book grants etc.

Did you get a full loan though?
In Op’s case the daughter is getting £3500 less than other students.
In many towns and cities her accommodation will be more than the part maintenance loan she gets.
Yes some students work in term time but realistically an autistic teen who hasn’t managed to get a job to date isn’t going to get a job or be able to sustain hours needed to make up difference of hundreds a month. And that’s just to put her in level playing field with someone who gets full loan, not working for any extras.
It’s extremely daunting to have a £6000 loan and £7000 accommodation bill.
Not insurmountable but I can understand where Op coming from having only just realised parent contribution is set at this level.

DH has a six figure salary with a Philosophy BA (head of department in an ad agency). A friend is a very highly paid pharmaceutical lobbyist, having spent his 20s working in Westminister, on the back of a first in English from UCL. DBro’s GF is a director of a TV production company, with an MA in history from Cambridge.

Perfectly possible to have a high salary with a humanities degree.

@Dixiechickonhols I didn't have much money, and I had no where to move back to after term time. So yeah I made it work. Back then I got loan and small grant. It was about £4k? But running a private flat was expensive. There's so many option available. I missed the bit about her daughter being autistic. However, If that's the case there's so many option, like distance learning. I'm doing a second degree online unsung student finance. Not bothered about the student loads and there don't affect me. Been able to buy a house and eventually I'll pay them back. Just not yet. I think MN makes a deal out of university being expensive for parents when it doesn't have to be. However I understand now during these circumstances there is a difference. x

@fairymary87 , the issue is the minimum maintenance loan is £4100 per year (the OP's dd would get more) and the first year accommodation in halls can range from £4,100 to £9,000 per year. At many unis the accommodation is allocated by a computer so whilst you can choose the cheapest options some may be in the £6-7k price range. Once allocated you can only change by going on a waiting list. You then need money to buy food each week, laundry and also put down the second year house deposit etc within months of starting the first year. The costs all add up.

Uni accommodation is staggeringly expensive now

Tbh the halls were the cheapest year, it was the private renting afterwards plus deposits etc. Eye watering.