Thoughts on WIWIKAU

[Newtothismother]

A friend of mine suggested I join this group on Facebook as my son and I are researching university courses (he is in year 12). I did so a few months ago. I am disappointed in it - posters congratulate students on getting a 2.2/third; literally every other poster has SEN; there are multiple posts by mums saying they dreading their kids going to uni and will swoop them up at first sign of adversity. Did my friend send me down a rabbit hole or is this a reputable group? Have only just joined MN HE group but it is much better and speaks hard truths which may be difficult to hear but are invaluable

There is a place for everyone and WIWIKAU with 42k members on the FB page is a great source of information to many. I'm on both and find both helpful in their own ways. The expansion of higher education post 1997 means many parents of current and prospective students have no experience of higher education sometimes within their extended family and friends and the system and cost can seem daunting. The removal of the stigma around students with alternative learning needs means that is some Sixth forms up to 25% of the cohort have access arrangements in exams so this will feed into any forum about students support. Plus parents are far more involved in their dc's life now days and the financial commitment expected by parents is so great that they have to be involved in so many aspects of the process. If you haven't already started on open day visits get ready for the large number of parents attending and their constant questions in the talks.

The benefit of WIWIKAU is that an innocent parent can post about , say, Lincoln , or their child doing a degree in [insert name of MN non approved degree] or their child having BBC A levels without encountering the sneering disapproval of others. There is one very tedious man on there just now who'd fit in better over here on the HE boards! My DS is at a RG university doing a perfectly established subject and there are times on MN where one could feel he is totally pointless.My other DS got a 2:2. Sorry about that.

It may come as a surprise but not everyone has super super bright , STEM focused, high pay destined, RG obsessed DCs... (actually I'm not sure it's fair to pin that on the DCs...)

Both have their place, and both are useful. I actually find the university specific Facebook pages the most practically useful

The most tedious thing about WIWIKAU right now is actually all the parental gloating about firsts.

Bu if you are disappointed, leave the group. Simple.

I think it is somewhat ungenerous to object to people congratulating others on the achievements of their children.

WIWIKAU is more representative of the population than MN - what is striking is just how little many parents know. It performs a really useful service and users clearly find it helpful and supportive.
MN is much more focussed on higher ability DC, and a smaller group of universities. The advice is detailed, and the discussions about the relative merits of courses, institutions etc is interesting. There are some posters with directly relevant knowledge from being in the field. There are also some who pontificate with great conviction without acknowledging that they are only giving their opinion.
I use both, they are both annoying and helpful in their own ways!

What comes across really starkly on both boards is how little parents know or understand student loans and parental role in this. It's just interesting to see the different approaches to and ideas about that!

You can spot the posters form here on WIWIKAU a mile off! There's a 'MN voice'

I use both too and agree both have their peculiarities for me the stand out on there is the amount of students with SEN. I hadn’t realised there were so many HE students who have SEN, I suppose that’s because my disabled kid has learning difficulties so disability plus high academic ability is an unknown world for me

I don't follow it as such but the good thing about it is that its easily searchable. So you can search on the course / uni your dc wants to go to and there will often be posts on it. Or specific terms that apply to you. Maybe from last Yr but gives you an insight. It tends to less showing offy imo.

To give an example...on WIWIKAU right now there is a post about catered halls at universities in the Midlands. It has garnered directly helpful replies.

On MN recently a very similar request led to a barrage of debate about catering, spolit children, molly cuddling, type of university etc.

You want a debate? MN. Want to feel affirmed because your DC are super clever? MN. Oxbridge advice? MN. Want to form a specific smaller support group? MN.

Straightforward non judgemental advice or practical experience? WIWIKAU.

The parents seem hyper involved and encourage their adult children to be incredibly fragile. I feel sorry for HE staff if this is typical!

I like WIWIKAU and the fact they celebrate everyone, firsts/3rds etc. DD just got a 2:2 and yes she's SEN

I find it more inclusive than here but agree some of the parents are OTT but that's different parenting styles I guess. I'm shocked at the basic questions some ask which makes me think some schools are giving zero support which is worrying. We were so lucky with our sixth form.

I would say if you're disappointed with a Facebook group then leave it. That's what I do.

You will never get the discussion here about applying for paramedic science, forensics & criminology, nursing etc.

Perhaps a few more parents should start singing the praises of their children with lower degree classifications and A level results. Then people would realise that their own child isn't a source of embarrassment when they only ever hear about 4 x A*s leading to a first in Economics from LSE.

Ds2 is year 12 and in his sixth form of those on the university pathway 75% are first gen to uni students. When Dh and I went to uni only 19% of 18 year olds went, now it is half. Statistically there are parents who have no first hand knowledge of how it all works.

There are lots of parents out there who ask specific questions about unis or halls or catering etc. I think WIWIKAU is probably a much softer place to ask the questions rather than MN. I tell every man and his dog about expected parental contribution. I believe it should be a letter sent to parents when their children are choosing options so that they are prepared for it also with the local uni accommodation costs so they can see how much that loan may or may not cover even the most basic of needs.

I've been on it for over a year and it's been very helpful for understanding the process, open days, accommodation, assessments and general struggles and extra support. I've posted questions myself. Now students are graduating and you will have posts proudly (not gloating) about their child having obtained their degree - you don't know what struggles people have gone through, there has been marking strikes also, just scroll past whatever you don't want to read. People post on forums to ask questions and get advice. If it's too much either leave or turn off notifications and use it as a search function got particular queries.

This

WIWIKAU is way more informative, supportive, inclusive and less judgemental.

I find MN hugely competitive, boasty, sneery and snobbish. I know there are small pockets and posters that aren’t, but in the main.

MN is a good place for a fight or a contest.

WIWKAU is a good place for advice and information.

The other big difference as pp have mentioned already is that many of the MN posters went to uni themselves, where many WIWIKAU ones didn’t.

IRL I much prefer talking with people that didn’t. There’s a certain sort of intellectual snobbery that persists in my generation of people that went to uni, and this seeps into conversations about uni for your children.

I'm there for the photos of loaded-up cars with the DC crammed in almost as an afterthought

I've found it useful but don't bother much now because many of the questions are so repetitive. Use the search function!

I agree with much of this. I agree that posters on MN are generally much more willing to speak "hard truths", particularly around the fact that not all degrees are equal, that academic standards are not equal across universities, and that it may sometimes be sensible to take academic pecking order into account when choosing a university. Discussion on the MN Higher Education board tends to be very focused on Oxbridge/Russell Group type universities and traditional academic degrees. WIWIKAU discussions tend to cover a broader range of degrees. There can be a reluctance among some MN posters to recognise that (a) a degree from an institution lower in the traditional academic pecking order can still be valuable, and (b) that there can be times where an Oxbridge/Russell Group type university is genuinely not the best choice. Some regular posters on the MN boards are clearly very wealthy and cannot seem to grasp that many students (sadly) do need to include accommodation costs as a major factor in their decision-making.

I find it useful for asking a wider range of people for specific information (e.g. small details about halls at a named university). There is generally someone who can advise on your even quite niche question.

I find a lot of the parents are very OTT -e.g. there seems to be a disproportionate number that are entirely inconsolable at their DC moving out, buy everything and the kitchen sink for them before they go, overanalyse how frequently they ring home etc. But these ones I scroll by.

I also find a number of parents overly involved in their DC's application and university life. No, your child (probably) does not have a mental health problem because they are a bit homesick in their first week. No, you do not need to ring the hall warden to complain that your DC can't use colour catchers in the hall laundry (I bet your DC doesn't care). And no, you are not the one writing your child's personal statement. Again, I scroll by.

By and large it's useful, but there is a lot of "noise" to get past.

I’m a frequent MN user but haven’t really checked out the HE board on here as I found WIWIKAU first.

I think it’s brilliant…a great place for reassurance and advice based on people’s actual current experience, either as a parent or a student.

There are the occasional posts that make me eye roll or think wtf, but I just scroll on by…it’s ready not hard.

WIWIKAU trumps MN every time for me.

The MN HE threads often tend to go off topic very quickly; often lead into the same repetitive debates of private vs. state school, RG vs. non RG, North vs. South, etc, often featuring the same set of protagonists giving their outdated opinions (most of whose children left university several years ago).

There can also be an undercurrent of nastiness on a lot of the MN threads, something you don't get on the WIWIKAU posts, presumably because you're not posting under an alias.

Thanks for all replies. Yes, I can see WIWIKAU has its place and I stupidly hadn’t thought about using the search bar! As someone new to this board, I didn’t realise it had a reputation for being judgemental tbh…. Agree that it is shocking how few parents know they are expected to top loans up to the full amount….

I'm there for the photos of loaded-up cars with the DC crammed in almost as an afterthought

You should join the Costco FB group, those photos come more than once a term

I find it helpful - DC is useless at communicating things like about booking dropping off slots in halls - didn't even know that was a thing until I saw it on WIWIKAU, and yes we needed to book a slot.

& WIWIKAU includes classics such as the poster who wanted to send raw chicken by post to halls as she was worried about their diet.

I joined it but started to find it a bit annoying when mothers were asking pretty silly questions which their offspring could easily find out (and I say that as someone who is a bit lot of a helicopter mum). I just stayed in the specific one for my son's university - which also covered things like needing to book a dropping off slot. Also got bored with all the filled-up-car photos.

Yes, agree re the undercurrent of nastiness that anonymous posting can engender.