Thoughts on WIWIKAU

[Newtothismother]

A friend of mine suggested I join this group on Facebook as my son and I are researching university courses (he is in year 12). I did so a few months ago. I am disappointed in it - posters congratulate students on getting a 2.2/third; literally every other poster has SEN; there are multiple posts by mums saying they dreading their kids going to uni and will swoop them up at first sign of adversity. Did my friend send me down a rabbit hole or is this a reputable group? Have only just joined MN HE group but it is much better and speaks hard truths which may be difficult to hear but are invaluable

'responses that made me laugh at the narrow view these posters have on life - is that better for you @EuniceNewtonFoote? Yes it is an example of MN at it worst. The HE board is more or less closed to anyone who wants to ask about anything other than RG universities demanding the highest A level results - surprised you haven't noticed. It would take a very brave poster to ask about the prospects of a DD or DS achieving C's.

I mean, it is true, you did post those things - I am just pointing out that there might be posters who find "mainly A and Å" a bit show offy, just as you find the other poster's 3 x Å. By naming grades instead of a more discreet "DC did well" for example, you are both contributing to the "MN elite" narrative that puts some people off.

Maybe you’re right @pintery and maybe it’s my own insecurity that made me post something along those lines. I definitely didn’t post what you have accused me of though.

I’ve seen those posts on MN. The overwhelming majority of the posters recommend not going to uni.🙄

To be fair the higher education threads where you are with posters whose DC are in the same cohort have been brilliant. I joined the one where all of our DC started university in 2019, and it was lovely and supportive.

Here you go, copied and pasted from your posts (except I have changed the formatting of the stars):

"They got mainly ÅA at GCSE"

"DC has mainly ÅA grades at GCSE"

And a bonus "he got into his first choice RG"

There’s nothing particularly wrong with saying what DC do/get if it’s relevant. Often it isn’t.

I find a few posters boast relentlessly. Most do not. It’s perfectly possible to discuss any uni.

I think you have hit the nail on the head about expectations on uni courses. Parents expect teaching. Lots of hours of it. That’s what £9,250 is paying for! Private school type teaching. Too DC are poor at self directed learning and independent thinking. Very prescriptive syllabi in school has caused this. When exam grades were much lower, the bright student was allowed to argue coherently for a point of view. About something they read independently. It set them up better for uni.

Totally agree with this.

This is true.
Not, obviously purely related to the FB Group, it is true about life.
Far too many people go to University because the career service is barely existent, and they don't know what else to do rather than because they want to study a subject at greater depth or at all

I think there will be a HUGE overlap of posters between MN and WIWIKAU.

I dip into it occasionally and it is a very different vibe to this board. Amazing what taking away posters anonymity does to posting styles!

WIWIKAU feels a bit saccharin to me, but it can be useful for factual questions about specific unis/courses/finance etc.

WTF is wrong with celebrating 2.2 and 3rds?

Nothing, but the issue is the number of parents who clog up the group when they are neither asking for information, or offering advice.

At some point, most of the offspring of the people on WIWIKAU are going to graduate, but we don't need post after post of that being announced - for all of the thousands of people who don't know the person. The usual thing to do, is to announce it to your own family and friends.

How do you 'clog up' a Facebook group? - or are they just not worthy?

When there are 40 000 people in a FB group - pretty easily.

It's why most FB groups have rules and parameters and things that aren't what the group is for (so, in this case, parents asking questions about University) get removed, or don't get approved in the first place.

I know the admins can't possibly 'vet' each new post - the group is too big.
I think it shows how useful it has been, in that people keep recommending it to others, but it has grown so big it is presumably unmanageable.
I think the women that set it up have done a fantastic job, but it becomes useless if people can't get answers to what they want to know, through their posts getting pushed down the feed by so many people posting things that aren't of any help to other people.

@UsingChangeofName - okay - but what if my DD or DS got 2:1 or First - am I allowed to celebrate by posting?

If this was for me - absolutely. I don't mind at all when a poster celebrates their DC's achievements, whether that's graduating with a 2:2 or getting ÅÅÅ predicted. Hats off to them all.

I'm not sure if you are being deliberately obtuse @Somethingintheattic or if I am being really unclear.

It isn't about what class of degree you get, obviously. It is the fact that it isn't the right forum to start posting personal photographs, or announcements about the fact your child has graduated.

When my older dc graduated, yes, I did put some pictures on MY facebook, and lots of relatives, and family friends congratulated them or said they were pleased to see the pictures, or that they hoped we had a nice day or whatever, as they knew my dc.
Fine. Same as I like to see my nieces / nephews / godchildren / other young people I have known for years when they graduate.

What I didn't do is share that news, or those photos in any of the groups I am a member of. Even putting aside the sharing of someone else's photo outside my own facebook privacy settings, it is just not interesting for other people to know that a random person they have never met, has graduated.
Plus, it means when you go to the group for information, you can't find it amongst the stuff that ought not be there.

I admit that I posted DD's degree outcome and graduation on my own Facebook page, but not on WIWIKAU.

I very rarely post on there, but I find it interesting reading. I agree that questions about term dates etc can easily be found on university websites. I also wonder why people book holidays to be away on results day. Surely everyone knows that A level results are always the third Thursday of August and GCSEs the following week.

Schools spell this out very clearly every year. A parent would have to be pretty disengaged from theirs DC's education not to know this.

Do relatives and friends really want to know grades etc? I didn’t tell anyone what DDs got. Up to them. It’s their degree, not mine. I’ve just been told a relative got a first. Well done: of course. No job though. So there’s lots of things to celebrate as well as a degree. There’s often more exams to go and career goals to achieve. When do parents stop celebrating and telling everyone. We find grandparent boasting tiresome too.

Do relatives and friends really want to know grades etc?

Yes they do. Well, mine did. On GCSE and A level results day I had a lot of messages from people asking how DD did. In both cases I had only posted something along the lines of DD doing well, but didn't post any grades, but people did want to know the actual grades, so I told them privately.

Do relatives and friends really want to know grades etc? I didn’t tell anyone what DDs got. Up to them. It’s their degree, not mine.

Can't speak for anyone else, but I am talking about posting photos taken on the day, not the class of degree (on my own FB).

What is annoying on WIWIKAU (for me) is the amount of people posting stuff that is neither advice, or a question. I think that is the point. This month, it might be graduation photos. In September (as someone else pointed out) it is photos of a full car / packed boot of a car.

In my mind, it is a FB group set up for a specific purpose, which is a different thing from a chat forum, like this.

Are you the admin and founder of the group?

If not, then you don't get to police who posts, when they post, how often they post, or what they post.

And please don't include me in your "we".

Or anyone else for that matter.

Speak for yourself. YOU aren't kind enough to think that maybe there's a parent out there wanting to share their joy at their child's achievements. Fine. Do you.

thanks for posting that @pintery and proving I was right and you were wrong.

@UsingChangeofName - I was teasing you because I thought your post quite rediculous. Like a pp has said what makes you Facebook police' and why so invested?

I do not do social media about Dc . Eg Facebook. I’ve not found anyone asking me very often. Although a couple of parents did when I bumped into them. One from NCT (we met before babies born!) who really wanted to tell me her DD was a doctor. Hadn’t spoken to her for 25 plus years. Another wanted to tell me her DD was doing next to nothing after going to Exeter and what was mine doing?

In fact it’s quite difficult when DD1 did well. We agonized about saying anything even to her godparents. When we did, one really didn’t care (indifferent - all unis are the same etc) and one thought she had done well. So after that, we’ve not said much about anything to anyone: scholarships, awards, career etc. Grandmother excepted.

Happy to offer advice based on experiences though.

I don’t think it’s about the syllabi in schools so much. I think it’s more about the fact that a lot of people are going to university who simply wouldn’t have gone there 30 years ago.