Thoughts on WIWIKAU

[Newtothismother]

A friend of mine suggested I join this group on Facebook as my son and I are researching university courses (he is in year 12). I did so a few months ago. I am disappointed in it - posters congratulate students on getting a 2.2/third; literally every other poster has SEN; there are multiple posts by mums saying they dreading their kids going to uni and will swoop them up at first sign of adversity. Did my friend send me down a rabbit hole or is this a reputable group? Have only just joined MN HE group but it is much better and speaks hard truths which may be difficult to hear but are invaluable

I use both MN and WIWIKAU and said above both have their place.

The latter is more representative of the parents of Uni students in general and many are absolutely clueless (but then some parents never went off to Uni themselves or if they did things have changed.

But dear goodness some of the kids must be mortified at some of the posts. Whilst my two would like to receive something they needed or liked through the post. Both my two would despair at many of those cringey competitive ‘care packages’ or the dreaded ‘washing up bowls’ with fancy writing on saying X’s sick bowl etc.

I sometimes use the search facility on WIWIKAU and sometimes look at MN HE. You can mute the former and use the search facility.

Yep - this thread has turned sneery

For some student that will be a degree they have worked hard for and the best grade they could have got. Why shouldn't they be congratulated for their hard work and perseverance?

Of course students should be congratulated on their achievements, but the point being made is WIWIKAU isn't the place to do it.
There are apparently about 40 000 member, so that means at this time of year, around 10 000 young people will be graduating. If everyone posted a picture, or announcement of their dc, that would be 10 000 posts on the site that help no-one.
The site is there to help people find out information about going to University.
Your own Facebook or other social media is where you tell the world how proud you are of your dc if that is what you want to do not a group that is there for people to ask questions.

Well, come September WIWI will be full of people posting drop off pics and room pics. Some of those parents will be dreading the drive home without their son or daughter and some of their sons or daughters will end up being bullied by little fuckers who've been brought up by parents who sneer at others.
Apples and trees etc.

@Newtothismother I use both WIWI and the HE section here (under a different username)

On balance I prefer WIWI as here every single thread is taken over by 2 posters and their pissing up the wall competition as to who knows more about EVERY SINGLE UNIVERSITY IN THE WORLD. Hilarious really. One of them knows more than the other, tbf, though neither know as much as they claim to. Their hijacking of threads just gets tedious.

Wiwi is more inclusive I think. (until the "this question has been asked eleventy times" starts from the page police.)

You are right @Piggywaspushed. I find WIWIKAU far more representative of the real world.

There are currently a lot of posts about students failing exams or even failing their year. I feel so sad for them.

It's a sneering comment I guess aimed at parents who are concerned that their uni aged children with SEN will be bullied, or are bullied. It's true that on Wiwi, often parents of those students post looking for reassurance or help about certain issues their children are facing.

How dreadful for the poster not approving of it to have to suffer their presence.

My son has SEN - diagnosed at age 3 and had a statement/EHCP throughout school. I am not sneering at SEN - of course not. What I am struck by is that whenever a parent voices concern about their 19 y.o Uni student (often referred to as “my baby” or “best friend”), WIWI posters rush to suggest ADHD, autism, severe anxiety etc.

The stock response on WIWI from posters to parents who have a student not enjoying Uni/passing exams is that they must have SEN. It’s absurd (and I am a SEN parent). Some students aren’t suited to uni - many because they get on the uni conveyor belt in sixth form, as that is what schools/parents push, without evaluating their options or course choices

i am sorry but the “care packages” on WIWIKAU are all about the mums not the students. Just awful. I was booted out of group because a mum (backed up by numerous other mums) said they expected their daughter to call them EVERY day in first term at Uni. I said that was all about them, not about her. I was “not kind” (apparently).

WTF is wrong with celebrating 2.2 and 3rds?
And god forbid students with SEN attend uni.

MN really is all about performative parenting!

my DC would be utterly gutted to have incurred £60k in student loans only to come out with a third. A 2.1 is pretty essential if you want to get on a graduate scheme. But each to their own - we must all form our own judgement - and if your student enjoyed their uni experience but didn’t get a top grade but is sanguine that’s great 👍

I think that’s the thing - it’s about judging. MN - inc many of the posts here - is about judging others’ parenting and comparing it to your own narrow experience. (eg I’d be horrified if DD got a 2:2/phoned me all the time etc, without any understanding of a person’s backstory).

WIWIKAU has a wider mix of posters (not all RG unis! not all middle class! ), and without the anonymity it’s much more difficult to criticise other’s positions.

There is definitely, as always on MN, an undercurrent of snobbishness on this thread. Usually but not always from people that went to uni themselves and think their kid isn’t going to grow up to be a proper adult unless they survive solely on beans and pasta/share a bathroom with 50 others/phone home once a term - basically reliving their own uni experience even though the world has moved on in 25 years.

Some students aren’t suited to uni - many because they get on the uni conveyor belt in sixth form, as that is what schools/parents push, without evaluating their options or course choices

I totally agree with this. It is obvious from some of the posts on WIWIKAU that the student in question isn't suited to university or simply not ready. I read posts from parents of DC who simply won't knuckle down to work and still go to university, these are the ones who fail.

You then get sensible posters who come along and advise that they take a gap year or two and go when they can motivate themselves to study.

IMO it was a mistake getting ofsted to evaluate 6th forms on their pupils' final destinations because university is seen as the default.

When DD decided to take a gap year her head of 6th form was unimpressed. However, she was very happy to support DD's application to apply to university a year later, and provided a reference.

i havent heard of that Dr Seuss book
both dd's left uni now, dd3 just graduated
i did use that facebook group back in the beginning but i think dd started in 2016.
some times i do feel the parents are such helicopters.
i guess it is a safe place for them.
i need to leave the group now though!

I’m sure you mean well but this is a good example of talking about your own situation and applying it to someone you don’t know.

You see someone on WIWIKAU and think “they should do what I did” without knowing anything about their backstory, what might prevent them from having a gap year. Off the top of my head here are a few examples of things that might stop someone having a gap year:

• fear of being left behind as all mates go to uni
• severe lack of local transport to get to any paid work
• abuse of some kind at home meaning an escape needed
• lack of knowledge and experience of what a gap year could look like
• lack of understanding about deferrals/student finance/scared of not having any school support to help with the uni application process
• parent/s unable to assist with uni application/gap year choices/gap year motivation for multiple reasons eg working three jobs to stay afloat no time

list of course is endless.

I see people on there that do things differently to me. Do things I’d never do. But I don’t know why they do those things. There’s always a reason.

I have been through lots of Ofsted inspections They have barely glanced at sixth form provision, let alone gone though specific destinations with a fine tooth comb. It tends to be the private schools that are measured on this.

OP, I am noticing you only acknowledge that posts that agree with you that WIWIKAU is awful, so why ask?

MN , btw, is in itself notable for stating 'SEN' every time someone posts something about their DCs, from toddler up.

@Sycamorethanever reading between the lines of the posts from very concerned and worried parents of struggling students I'm not convinced that most of your reasons apply.

A lot of these students start at university already with various problems, and support isn't as forthcoming as it might be in higher education establishments.

I feel that perhaps 6th forms could manage the expectations of these young people more about just how hands off university staff are compared to teachers.

@Piggywaspushed do schools do this?

“Reading between the lines” is just it though. How can you? How do you know about all the stuff they aren’t telling you about? Partly because it’s not anonymous most of the time, or just because people don’t want to share certain information.

MN and WIWIKAU both have their place. It's hard to read MN threads about "really poor" mocks results when the child's "poor" results are better than your child will get in a million years. I think it's useful in those threads for the poster not to give grades but give context.

Equally I think some posters on WIWIKAU would benefit from some straight talking. I don't think it's sneery to point out that maybe their adult DC won't appreciate their parent getting involved in every small problem (unless they've asked for help/support) and that it doesn't matter what they think their DC should do, it's up to their DC.

The points about a gap year are relevant here. My niece goes to a school where apparently applying to university is so part of the day to day process that a student who wanted to go onto an apprenticeship was still forced to apply even though they had no interest. I think a lot of parents (and by association, their children) just assume university comes after school and don't even think about if alternatives are possible. Happy to put my hands up here and say that I had to go through considerable internal angst when DS said he wasn't going to university - but that was my angst, not his.

Individual teachers try , rampant but it's not a priority.

When I speak to students back form uni for the summer I am struck by ow much more like schools universities have actually become, perhaps especially in STEM subjects. This is a good and a bad ting. I do tell mine they will need to sue their free time to work , read, write essays, research, plan stuff themselves. I think the students thta do that at school age are the ones who adapt best. But schools, for a range of reasons have become exam treadmills and very spoon feedy.

Oh, if you meant pastorally hands off... yes, that's a problem .Schools are the fourth emergency service. It's no wonder so many youngsters struggle at uni, pastorally.

Of course students should be congratulated on their achievements, but the point being made is WIWIKAU isn't the place to do it

No, the point the OP made was that they were
"disappointed in it - posters congratulate students on getting a 2.2/third"

people can show their pride in their offspring whatever the grade on WIWIK,
there is no rule that says they can't.