Thoughts on WIWIKAU

[Newtothismother]

A friend of mine suggested I join this group on Facebook as my son and I are researching university courses (he is in year 12). I did so a few months ago. I am disappointed in it - posters congratulate students on getting a 2.2/third; literally every other poster has SEN; there are multiple posts by mums saying they dreading their kids going to uni and will swoop them up at first sign of adversity. Did my friend send me down a rabbit hole or is this a reputable group? Have only just joined MN HE group but it is much better and speaks hard truths which may be difficult to hear but are invaluable

@RampantIvy My DD2 has an arts degree and a diploma in her change of career. I find this is sneered at too. No RG in sight!

My DDs are very different in terms of career and one earns multiples of what the other earns. I did not go to uni at all full time. I clawed my way up through day release at two places that are now unis. So I’m open to all sorts of routes into jobs.

However I do think Dc should aim high. I think firsts are often over rated. It’s possibly one % above a 2:1. It’s does not make that grad better all round in employment terms because few employers just look at degree outcome. So a certain amount of realism is needed. Plus, why do posters boast about degree classification? Is it their personal triumph and one upmanship? There’s a strong need to be the best on here.

Plus, why do posters boast about degree classification? Is it their personal triumph and one upmanship? There’s a strong need to be the best on here.

I think they are genuinely proud of their offspring. I never posted DD's degree classification on WIWIKAU, but I was damn proud of her achieving so well in spite of her ongoing chronic fatigue issues, anxiety for which she is medicated and then getting a bad dose of covid right in the middle of her dissertation. Even her dissertation tutor advised her to ask for an extension which was refused by the university.

The fact that she managed to submit it on time was due to a huge amount of effort on her part.

I meant to add that I totally agree with posters wondering about mothers sobbing all summer at the idea of their DC going to university. I find the idea of them insisting that they use trackers on their phones all the time rather creepy and controlling as well.

I once had a post deleted because I suggested that any student going into self catering accommodation should learn to cook before they go. It's not exactly rocket science. I questioned a poster as to why she hadn't taught her son to cook, and her response was "because he's a boy". Words fail me.

@RampantIvy I'm surprised you weren't banned for such a heretical suggestion! I know what you mean about the sobbing and posting of sad poems and eulogies on how much people are missing their precious offspring but it certainly comes across as competitive grief at times. And what does it say about these parents that their identity and life seems to be so bound up in their children that they simply can't imagine how they will function without them? I suspect that these are often the students who really struggle to budget, revise, eat decent food or get themselves to lectures on time.

Did you dare to suggest that a mattress topper is not an essential purchase for university? That would definitely be heresy on WIWIKAU.

@RampantIvy Are not most of us proud of Dc? Mine had some health issues too. All ok now but she was no high flyer on her degree! Way better in her new career. There is a lot of boasting about HE. Fewer boasts about what it actually led to other than more HE and preferably a PhD! All the lecturers want this. Mere mortals see it as not necessary for the myriad of other careers out there! However we are in a minority of uneducated idiots.

I do wonder when people post personal details (whether it’s room addresses, personal issues, or how many bras they’ve packed) how the students would feel to know their parents are posting it in such a public forum.

I often want to ask people if they’d have shared that in a stadium full of people, or put it on billboard in a town centre, because with 40k plus members, that’s effectively what they’re doing!

I could never quite find the energy to look at wiwikau but now am tempted to at least peek

I'm glad to hear it's not as elitist as MN, there's one poster on here who said her dc hadn't even bothered put any uni but Oxford on their UCAS as what would be the point. That really rattled me, I seriously began to doubt that my non-Oxbridge dc were going to have any sort of lives at all. Then I got a grip.

Or you didn't send them off with a copy of Dr Seuss's 'Oh, The Places You'll Go'.

I think posters are beginning to sound exactly like the sneerers mentioned upthread.

FWIW, I read that Dr Seuss in final assembly. The kids love it, and I sent my DS to uni with it. It's pretty offensive to mock other people's choices.

Am I meant to make him walk barefoot there himself and never speak to him again?

Glad people are enjoying making fun of other parents.

@unfortunateevents that's just the sort of sneering/judgmentalism that puts people off mn though! For what it's worth, there was no grief here, dd went off to uni already very independent/out and about all over the country visiting friends/able to cook etc. However she's really struggled to revise/get her work done/keep sensible sleep times/get places on time, which we now suspect is due to ADHD.

I was just thinking that. It's getting spiteful, no shocks really but exactly why some of us don't post on the HE threads.

Horses for courses I guess.

Yes, sorry about the Dr Seuss thing. I nearly sent it myself!

Fwiw, I am an avid WIWIKAU follower and am guilty of some of the things frowned upon here.

No worries. Apology accepted!

Flowers for you, piggy, just to prove I am, at heart, more WIWIKAU than Mumsnet Higher Education.

@piggywaspushed , meant to quote you there.

Gah, missed capital P!
@Piggywaspushed

I answer to anything....

That's so WIWIKAU 😁

Who is Dr Seuss? Passed me by.

The Dr Seuss book "The places you'll go" - about basically going out into the world, finding new things and tackling new challenges.

I actually think that's one of the nicer WIWIKAU "traditions". As PP says, it's a lovely book.

posters congratulate students on getting a 2.2/third

For some student that will be a degree they have worked hard for and the best grade they could have got. Why shouldn't they be congratulated for their hard work and perseverance?

I don't get the bit about every other poster having SEN.

You haven't heard of The Cat In The Hat? Or The Grinch ?

Well yes. Now you come to mention it. Never read them or seen the film though. Plenty more books in the universe.