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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Thoughts on WIWIKAU

224 replies

Newtothismother · 16/07/2023 01:28

A friend of mine suggested I join this group on Facebook as my son and I are researching university courses (he is in year 12). I did so a few months ago. I am disappointed in it - posters congratulate students on getting a 2.2/third; literally every other poster has SEN; there are multiple posts by mums saying they dreading their kids going to uni and will swoop them up at first sign of adversity. Did my friend send me down a rabbit hole or is this a reputable group? Have only just joined MN HE group but it is much better and speaks hard truths which may be difficult to hear but are invaluable

OP posts:
user1477391263 · 20/07/2023 00:06

The problem with all the pictures of “My DD celebrating her results!”is that they clog up the feed and make it hard to find actual questions or real discussion. People also start to feel the need for “Pic for attention” (adding random photos to their questions in order to stop them disappearing in a tidal wave of photographs) which just adds to the clutter.

A lot of fora/FB pages now ban this type of post, or have a system where everyone is allowed to post one photo in a single once-weekly photos post, to stop this happening.

WIWIKAU seems to be full of the kind of people who don’t apply the “What if everyone posts this kind of post?”analysis to what they post.

kiwivick87 · 20/07/2023 00:23

HNRTFT but I have used FB to share the news that my children have graduated. Why should I hide the fact that I am massively proud of them ? My daughter is graduating next week in her MA for social work,single Mum and she has worked so hard to achieve this…am not going to hide the fact that my daughter is the best role model to her child 🤷‍♀️
I also love seeing posts from my friends about their children ie wedding,graduation,big birthday. Absolutely nothing wrong in sharing good news .

Original poster
Newtothismother · 20/07/2023 01:16

@kiwivick87 sharing your DC’s graduation on your own Facebook - so your family and friends can celebrate with you - is very different to posting it on WIWI. Of course you are proud - so tell your friends not 45k randoms on WIWI and clog up the feed

OP posts:
Original poster
Newtothismother · 20/07/2023 01:28

LaDeeDa123 · 19/07/2023 16:10

I have no idea what WIWIKAU is and I’m not of Facebook but I have to say that I find the Higher Education topics on MN the most toxic and unhelpful of all the topics. I have a DC at a great RG and one hoping to go and I wonder why I bother posting . It’s dominated by pompous show offs, the worst of the worst mumsnetters.

I am so sorry to read this. Only recently joined this board and have found it helpful - both for my high-flying son at Cambridge for career advice and for my ABB son in year 12 who wants to read languages at uni

OP posts:
Original poster
Newtothismother · 20/07/2023 01:37

Btw I name change all the time when seeking advice on here as my two sons would be mortified if they were identified (WIWI parents don’t seem to have the same concern and post under their own name with graphic details and often photos - do their kids know they are doing this I wonder? I suspect not)

OP posts:
Hawkins0001 · 20/07/2023 01:39

It's a mix at times same with here

PhotoDad · 20/07/2023 05:53

TizerorFizz · 19/07/2023 23:43

I do not do social media about Dc . Eg Facebook. I’ve not found anyone asking me very often. Although a couple of parents did when I bumped into them. One from NCT (we met before babies born!) who really wanted to tell me her DD was a doctor. Hadn’t spoken to her for 25 plus years. Another wanted to tell me her DD was doing next to nothing after going to Exeter and what was mine doing?

In fact it’s quite difficult when DD1 did well. We agonized about saying anything even to her godparents. When we did, one really didn’t care (indifferent - all unis are the same etc) and one thought she had done well. So after that, we’ve not said much about anything to anyone: scholarships, awards, career etc. Grandmother excepted.

Happy to offer advice based on experiences though.

I think that there are more "ways" of using Facebook than there are of, say, MN. I and my circle of friends and family mainly use fb to keep up with each other's family news; personally, I love hearing about their kids' successes (and failures), and sharing my own family stories. I'm fairly geographically remote from most of them, and it makes me feel more like we're still chatting about our lives (and our kids) like we did when we lived closer. But I'm not going to say that's the right, or only, thing that people use fb for.

I also very much enjoy support threads on MN for particular groups/cohorts, who regularly share triumphs and disasters.

I completely understand that it's annoying if your friends have a different approach to you (either way around), or if people spam a public group.

lastdayatschool · 20/07/2023 07:02

24 hours away from this thread, and it seems it has quickly sunk to the usual depths of vitriolic, passive/aggressive, and downright rude comments; that most of you (hopefully) wouldn't dream of saying to each other if you weren't posting anonymously.

That's why I generally prefer WIWI now - people are happier and more polite.

Yes, off-topic posts are irritating, but that's social media. If you can't handle it (and, from your comments, many of you can't) I'd suggest you're of the wrong generation for FB, Twitter etc.

Willmafrockfit · 20/07/2023 07:14

i havent shared my dd's results anywhere on wiwi or my own feed.
obviously i am proud of her and she has put off her graduation until the autumn, so probably then.
but i bear no malice to anyone who does post on wiwi

Willmafrockfit · 20/07/2023 07:16

in fact just had a look and the of recent posts are from anonymous members now!

redskytwonight · 20/07/2023 07:43

user1477391263 · 20/07/2023 00:06

The problem with all the pictures of “My DD celebrating her results!”is that they clog up the feed and make it hard to find actual questions or real discussion. People also start to feel the need for “Pic for attention” (adding random photos to their questions in order to stop them disappearing in a tidal wave of photographs) which just adds to the clutter.

A lot of fora/FB pages now ban this type of post, or have a system where everyone is allowed to post one photo in a single once-weekly photos post, to stop this happening.

WIWIKAU seems to be full of the kind of people who don’t apply the “What if everyone posts this kind of post?”analysis to what they post.

yes this. I'm scrolling through all the "congratulations to my DC" posts at the moment. If every poster on WIWIKAU with a final year student was posting this, it would be wall to wall congratulations, then I would have stopped reading entirely.

On the other hand, where there is a bit of a back story and the DC has overcome particular challenges/finished their degree when it looked unlikely a year ago, I think these sorts of stories can be very inspirational and useful for those with children in earlier years going through the same challenges.. But just the "good student at school, got good A levels, went to university, worked hard and got a degree". I don't see why random strangers would be interested.

Somethingintheattic · 20/07/2023 08:08

OP has a 'high flighing son at Cambridge' and an 'AAB son who wants to study languages'..here we go again....

LaDeeDa123 · 20/07/2023 08:40

Thanks @Newtothismother The problem though is I’ve been accused of being one of those mothers now by a poster who despite trawling through my previous posts has misquoted me and also taken some stuff wildly out of context. I notice you have also now been accused of being part of the problem. FWIW I think there’s a world of difference between mentioning once or twice how your dc are doing and being one of those posters who dominates the HE board with endless posts ranking universities into those which are ok to talk about at dinner parties and those which aren’t. I find those discussions quite toxic.

RampantIvy · 20/07/2023 09:00

Hmm. Since when has AAB been considered poor A level grades?

Before covid the average A level grades across the board was C+.
Grade inflation occurred as a result of disrupted education over the last three years, so I guess that people have more unrealistic expectations about A level grades now.

Toddlerteaplease · 20/07/2023 09:03

What's wrong with a 2.2 degree?

RampantIvy · 20/07/2023 09:05

Grade inflation @Toddlerteaplease

TizerorFizz · 20/07/2023 09:06

@PhotoDad I can see your point of view. Im interested in posting failures on FB! I rarely see this. It’s mostly success’s I think! I just write a very short, worts and all, Christmas letter. I used to write most about our racehorses!

EuniceNewtonFoote · 20/07/2023 09:41

Somethingintheattic · 20/07/2023 08:08

OP has a 'high flighing son at Cambridge' and an 'AAB son who wants to study languages'..here we go again....

They can't help it!

EuniceNewtonFoote · 20/07/2023 09:42

Hmm. Since when has AAB been considered poor A level grades?

Only on MN ...

RenoDakota · 20/07/2023 09:52

Somethingintheattic · 20/07/2023 08:08

OP has a 'high flighing son at Cambridge' and an 'AAB son who wants to study languages'..here we go again....

Yes. This is the very essence of the whole thread.

RampantIvy · 20/07/2023 10:32

TizerorFizz · 20/07/2023 09:06

@PhotoDad I can see your point of view. Im interested in posting failures on FB! I rarely see this. It’s mostly success’s I think! I just write a very short, worts and all, Christmas letter. I used to write most about our racehorses!

I think you have shot yourself in the foot there @TizerorFizz Grin

Owning race horses is a very expensive hobby.

Elsiid · 20/07/2023 11:19

LaDeeDa123 · 20/07/2023 08:40

Thanks @Newtothismother The problem though is I’ve been accused of being one of those mothers now by a poster who despite trawling through my previous posts has misquoted me and also taken some stuff wildly out of context. I notice you have also now been accused of being part of the problem. FWIW I think there’s a world of difference between mentioning once or twice how your dc are doing and being one of those posters who dominates the HE board with endless posts ranking universities into those which are ok to talk about at dinner parties and those which aren’t. I find those discussions quite toxic.

Honestly no one is taking notice of a post quoting your old posts, that's utterly nuts.

redskytwonight · 20/07/2023 12:57

EuniceNewtonFoote · 20/07/2023 09:42

Hmm. Since when has AAB been considered poor A level grades?

Only on MN ...

Which means the parents of DC getting genuinely poor(er) grades feel rather disinclined to post.

My response to a post bemoaning their DC's "poor" grades of AAB would be to point out that whilst they might have been disappointing for the individual DC, they were actually pretty good grades and they had loads of opportunities open to them. Except it wouldn't be because I'd be drowned out by the posters suggesting the child's life was over as they hadn't got all A stars.

LaDeeDa123 · 20/07/2023 13:04

I think it’s nuts @Elsiid too. I don’t mind being pulled up if I’ve said something out of line but what I was accused of saying was plain wrong.

RampantIvy · 20/07/2023 13:17

Which means the parents of DC getting genuinely poor(er) grades feel rather disinclined to post.

Exactly @redskytwonight