How many university open day visits did you do with your DC?

[Icedlatteplease]

DD is quite keen on one university in a small city she has visited and loved. Its decent (if not exceptional) for her course and convenient but not too close travel from home (both driving and train). In many ways it works very very well from my perspective. It's a totally sensible, safe-ish academically choice.

She's agreed to visit a couple of others but a little under sufferance. Everything is compared to her preferred choice and her A level campus (which again was a slightly quirky unexpected choice necessitated by circumstances but that is working very well for DD). A lot are dismissed by DD at the online investigation stage.

But I am worried about how much I should be allowing her to self restrict, or for that matter restricting her myself.

The family situation mentioned below means I have carer responsibilities that severly limit my ability to travel, money is limited and i have injuries all of which make travelling to university open days challenging, especially if you can't get there and back easily in a day. I don't really have the emotional, physical or mental reserves to go charging across the country looking at all the unis for her course. The situation will most likely complicate her travelling to and from whatever uni she goes to amd how much i can help.

Compounding the decision is that we really have no idea what her grades might look like.

We as a family had the time from hell through her GCSEs, most people were incredulous DD was still sitting them at all. She had very little actual study in the 3 months prior to the exam but she wanted to stay in correct year with her peers. The fact that she took them was a miracle, the fact she passed any deeply admirable

(The family situation is ongoing and may unexpectedly hit crisis at pretty much any point but hopefully the impact on DD education wise is somewhat mitigated now. But it's still very stressful )

DD underachieved on one important subject she is hoping to rectify this year and averagely on everything else. Would lead to the expectation of CCC. However Initial A level assessments peg her as having the capacity to hit at least 2 B and at least one of those potentially an A (on a good day if nothing else goes wrong between now and then). Not that that surprises me hugely, she's bright. But that makes a reasonable estimate of her grade anything between a CCC and an ABB. She hasn't lot the same level of hobbies enhancements as many with that grade due to covid, the family situation and her own physical challenges

I don’t know whether to encourage her to look at a more challenging uni (which are all bar one much further away for her course) or whether that is just entirely unrealistic and will just hit her confidence if she is turned down or misses the grades. I'd hate to feel I limited DD's opportunities (any more than they alreafy are) before she'd already begun.

But I do know that given DD a stubborn whotsit🫣😁, there's a definite value to letting her go her own way about things. Especially when her way definitely has its own merits.

So how many visits did you do with your DC? Any words of advice?

@boys3
My point was that where there were high private school Dc, rents might not be cheap and it’s an expensive housing area. I didn’t say Exeter was cheap! The median is over £7000 hardly anywhere. You just have Dc wanting high status rooms. My DD1 shared with bathrooms shared too. No en suites.

@Bellalalala
If your Dc is assessed for a minimum loan, you are expected to top up. You obviously earn more than some parents. I’ve only seen a very few hells that make anyone move out for the holidays. Did the ones in Brighton? They were for 39 weeks which is standard. However if you cannot afford better and don’t want to pay, then taking the cheapest is what you have to do. Or Dc can work a bit. You might like to know that grants (prior to loans) were always means tested. Parents were always expected to top up. So as parents know this, it has to be factored in to household savings. You do not get many halls below the minimum loan so parents have to accept there is a cost to university and there always was.

@boys3
Also with Lincoln, it’s all new accommodation. Older places are cheaper. So often the older universities have a greater range of accommodation prices.

My DD is at Lincoln and we are paying £7500 for self catered with en-suite. It is a very modern campus Uni. She has already lined up 2nd year accommodation (refurbished private rental which includes bills) which is cheaper at £6500 for the year. She loves it there and must admit it was my favourite when we did the visits last year but it was her insurance choice in the end.

Your post is baffling and completely irrelevant to what I said. Not sure whether your need to prove a point means you are just posting nonsense, or you are as patronising as your posts appear.

I didn’t object to supporting her. I am fully aware of what the expectations of parents are. I don’t agree with how it’s worked out, but I am aware. I am quite happy to financially support her. The point was that while £400 or £1000 (or any amount) may not be a big difference for accommodation for you. It is for some and impacts decisions. While I am supporting her and she does work (not many hours granted) £400 would make difference to us.

I didn’t say she got the minimum either. I didn’t say she wanted better accommodation. Or that we expected to have anything.

Yes I do earn more than ‘some’ households. When I earned 22k, I earned more than ‘some’ households. However, loan applications don’t take other expenses into account. And yes, I agree, savings for Uni would be great. Unfortunately my savings were depleted fleeing domestic violence, 6 years ago. It’s only been the last 2 years where I have earned enough to have ‘household savings’. Do you really believe people who struggle to help their kids at Uni or have to take prices into account, must have just not known how it worked or planned badly and just decided not to save?

No I don’t have a list of which accommodation has different rules. Dd picked her university and booked and accommodation over a year ago. I didn’t keep a list incase someone on mumsnet was wanted details over a year later. Lots happened in that time. Retaining irrelevant Information isn’t a priority.

I know how grants worked. It’s entirely irrelevant to my post or todays Uni students.

You really do come across as someone who seems to think people who disagree with you, only disagree because they simply don’t understand the system. And if a few hundred pounds makes a difference then it must be their poor planning.