Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

How many university open day visits did you do with your DC?

204 replies

Icedlatteplease · 19/01/2023 21:20

DD is quite keen on one university in a small city she has visited and loved. Its decent (if not exceptional) for her course and convenient but not too close travel from home (both driving and train). In many ways it works very very well from my perspective. It's a totally sensible, safe-ish academically choice.

She's agreed to visit a couple of others but a little under sufferance. Everything is compared to her preferred choice and her A level campus (which again was a slightly quirky unexpected choice necessitated by circumstances but that is working very well for DD). A lot are dismissed by DD at the online investigation stage.

But I am worried about how much I should be allowing her to self restrict, or for that matter restricting her myself.

The family situation mentioned below means I have carer responsibilities that severly limit my ability to travel, money is limited and i have injuries all of which make travelling to university open days challenging, especially if you can't get there and back easily in a day. I don't really have the emotional, physical or mental reserves to go charging across the country looking at all the unis for her course. The situation will most likely complicate her travelling to and from whatever uni she goes to amd how much i can help.

Compounding the decision is that we really have no idea what her grades might look like.

We as a family had the time from hell through her GCSEs, most people were incredulous DD was still sitting them at all. She had very little actual study in the 3 months prior to the exam but she wanted to stay in correct year with her peers. The fact that she took them was a miracle, the fact she passed any deeply admirable

(The family situation is ongoing and may unexpectedly hit crisis at pretty much any point but hopefully the impact on DD education wise is somewhat mitigated now. But it's still very stressful )

DD underachieved on one important subject she is hoping to rectify this year and averagely on everything else. Would lead to the expectation of CCC. However Initial A level assessments peg her as having the capacity to hit at least 2 B and at least one of those potentially an A (on a good day if nothing else goes wrong between now and then). Not that that surprises me hugely, she's bright. But that makes a reasonable estimate of her grade anything between a CCC and an ABB. She hasn't lot the same level of hobbies enhancements as many with that grade due to covid, the family situation and her own physical challenges

I don’t know whether to encourage her to look at a more challenging uni (which are all bar one much further away for her course) or whether that is just entirely unrealistic and will just hit her confidence if she is turned down or misses the grades. I'd hate to feel I limited DD's opportunities (any more than they alreafy are) before she'd already begun.

But I do know that given DD a stubborn whotsit🫣😁, there's a definite value to letting her go her own way about things. Especially when her way definitely has its own merits.

So how many visits did you do with your DC? Any words of advice?

OP posts:
saraclara · 19/01/2023 22:40

I went to four with her, and she went to another with some of her friends who were also interested in that one.

It's definitely worth going to several where possible (and I do recognise that it's difficult for you). My daughter was originally set on the one she first saw, but when she actually visited and experienced the presentation by the staff in the department at the one that had theoretically been third or fourth on her list, she was very enthused, and that's where she ended up going.

Boomboom22 · 19/01/2023 22:42

For teaching look at Surrey Guildford campus and also Canterbury Christchurch. Both good nightlife. Don't think the grade requirements are onerous.

SandyY2K · 19/01/2023 22:48

We did 5 each with both of my kids. They're 2 years apart.

One University was in the city I was born and took the opportunity to visit my parents and stayed the weekend.

We drove to all of them. Went to one with DDs friend and her mum.

They wanted to visit every university that they were applying to.

SandyY2K · 19/01/2023 22:52

Some universities do virtual open days online. Maybe she could look into that.

stayathomegardener · 19/01/2023 22:53

stayathomegardener · 19/01/2023 22:06

Cocktails in Bristol, beach at Bournemouth, seafood dinner in Falmouth... I loved those trips with her.

That was pretty insensitive now I've read your post in full @Icedlatteplease apologies.

I've long covid since March 20, it was the last fun thing I did really so do understand how difficult it is and how you must feel.

whiteroseredrose · 19/01/2023 22:56

We did 4 with our DC and they did a couple each with friends too.

It was useful in that both disliked one (prestigious) University, which was unexpected.

JanglyBeads · 19/01/2023 23:02

How about getting her to see if any friends are interested in the same universities and then you might be able to share trips - she goes to some with friends' parents, on other trips you take one of her friends?

We went to six, well she did I took her to five and one was with her friend and friend's older sister who had been to that uni.

It was fun but v tiring, lots of petrol and not grest for my back problem, so I see your problem.

Teapleasebobb · 19/01/2023 23:03

We visited 3, dd had a good idea which one she wanted to study at and she loved it when we visited.
Location was important, which factored in to where she wanted to study, no point in visiting unis that were too far away as she wanted to be near by, but not the city we live in (still living away from home though).

lanadelgrey · 19/01/2023 23:06

Some with, some without. The real issue was staying overnight under 18. I was quite happy for DD to stay in a premier inn or similar on her own but most hotels say no. I’d say worth doing some or at least a couple in totally different part of the country that you are from. DD is in final year at a uni in a city that has a different vibe/outlook from where we are from and it has given her confidence to think she can live, work or do further study anywhere. Pre visits she had some fixed ideas of what various cities and unis where like but she was disappointed by a place she thought she’d have liked and surprised by others plus courses on paper seemed great but meeting students/lecturers for her subject led to some reassessment

MrsMontyD · 19/01/2023 23:08

I've done 3 with DD and she's done a further 2 with friends.

PettsWoodParadise · 19/01/2023 23:35

DD did most of her Uni visits on her own except one with me and one other with a friend. There were a combination of reasons I didn’t go to more - mostly my work, cost of train fares, wanting her to have her own experience. She did five visits, four in Y12 and one more recently in Y13. She did discount one so one on her UCAS she hasn’t visited but as it nearby we know the area and if she gets an offer will see if there is an offer holder day.

Fifthtimelucky · 19/01/2023 23:49

5 with eldest daughter - over 2 weekends. She didn't apply to 3 of them, so of the 5 she applied to she had previously only visited 2.

2 with younger daughter - and then the same 2 again for offer holder open days.

As to when parents started going to open days, it's an interesting question. I don't remember there being open days when I applied (1970s). I had to go to two for interviews though.

Babdoc · 19/01/2023 23:50

I did two with DD1 (Cambridge and St Andrews) and two with DD2 (York and Newcastle). They each looked at Edinburgh by themselves as it’s easily accessible from us on public transport.
I only went with DD1 to Cambridge as it involved flying and an overnight hotel stay, and she hadn’t done that on her own before, and it also gave me the chance to meet up with an English relative who lived nearby. Likewise, York with DD2 involved a hotel stay.
When I was at the stage of uni applications, back in the 1970s, it wasn’t usual to visit at all - one simply read the various prospectuses and applied by post.

Whatevergetsyouthroughthenight · 19/01/2023 23:54

Hbh17 · 19/01/2023 22:17

I know I'm old, but thus idea of parents always going with their kids just horrifies me. Just put her on a train and send her off - it worked out fine for all of us.

This ^

Why on earth do you need to go with her? Train/Coach, sorted.

Wbeezer · 19/01/2023 23:59

None! We're in Scotland and DS had chosen a course that is only available in 4 places (art school course). He's written two off because of location and or reputation and has applied for the other two which are in Edinburgh and Glasgow, both of which he had been to many times. DH and I went to one as students and his Granny and Auntie went to the other so he feels satisfied with the online info and stats. acceptance rate of 6% for his course though so it's a long shot anyway!

Roughcollie · 20/01/2023 05:15

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

This isn’t a recent thing. My parents took me in 1990

Roughcollie · 20/01/2023 05:17

In fact it would have been 1989 when I applied.

DinkyDaisy · 20/01/2023 06:52

No parents about at my 2 offer days/ interview in 1984

Icedlatteplease · 20/01/2023 07:17

Boomboom22 · 19/01/2023 22:42

For teaching look at Surrey Guildford campus and also Canterbury Christchurch. Both good nightlife. Don't think the grade requirements are onerous.

I'd thought Surrey but incredibly it doesn't do the course. We have a look at Christchurch

OP posts:
Icedlatteplease · 20/01/2023 07:24

stayathomegardener · 19/01/2023 22:53

That was pretty insensitive now I've read your post in full @Icedlatteplease apologies.

I've long covid since March 20, it was the last fun thing I did really so do understand how difficult it is and how you must feel.

Long covid is shitty, everyone needs good memories to hang on to. Ive made my peace with the situation No apology needed.

OP posts:
Teapleasebobb · 20/01/2023 07:25

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I think I probably saw a handful of students without parents on the packed out open days that we attended, the vast majority of students had at least one parent attending with them.

Roughcollie · 20/01/2023 07:26

DinkyDaisy · 20/01/2023 06:52

No parents about at my 2 offer days/ interview in 1984

Things must have changed a lot in a few years then. Lots of parents when I went in 89. They weren’t full blown open days like they do nowadays though. We were largely wandering around on our own.

tbh most kids doing open days will be doing them in year 12 when they are 16, maybe just 17. They will be committing to tuition fee loans of circa £30k and living costs of the same again. For a £60k outlay I think a bit of parental guidance is justified and sensible.

DinkyDaisy · 20/01/2023 07:39

Agreed different now. Have 2 for ds over half term. His Dad going with him to one and me to the other.

RampantIvy · 20/01/2023 07:40

Hbh17 · 19/01/2023 22:17

I know I'm old, but thus idea of parents always going with their kids just horrifies me. Just put her on a train and send her off - it worked out fine for all of us.

My daughter didn't turn 18 until after A levels, and as some of the visits required an overnight stay as they were too far to do in a day trip and hotels don't accept unaccompanied under 18s so I had to go with her.

Besides, she didn't have the confidence to go on her own, and none of her friends were interested in any of the universities she was interested in, so she wouldn't have had anyone to go with her.

And lastly, Northern Rail were on strike every Saturday for 4 months and DD didn't drive so she needed me for transport.

No need to be so smug Hmm

Oblomov22 · 20/01/2023 07:46

I struggle to accept that children and / or parents do so many. If you seriously can't narrow it down to a few then you've got decisive issues. You should be able to narrow down your choices to top 5. You should know already if you want a campus Uni or not. You should know if the course options really suit you.

Admittedly we drove all the long way to Durham only for ds to later decide the course wasn't strong enough, having previously been his 1st choice firm, but we loved the city, and the collegiate, and ds's girlfriend ended up going there.