How many university open day visits did you do with your DC?

[Icedlatteplease]

DD is quite keen on one university in a small city she has visited and loved. Its decent (if not exceptional) for her course and convenient but not too close travel from home (both driving and train). In many ways it works very very well from my perspective. It's a totally sensible, safe-ish academically choice.

She's agreed to visit a couple of others but a little under sufferance. Everything is compared to her preferred choice and her A level campus (which again was a slightly quirky unexpected choice necessitated by circumstances but that is working very well for DD). A lot are dismissed by DD at the online investigation stage.

But I am worried about how much I should be allowing her to self restrict, or for that matter restricting her myself.

The family situation mentioned below means I have carer responsibilities that severly limit my ability to travel, money is limited and i have injuries all of which make travelling to university open days challenging, especially if you can't get there and back easily in a day. I don't really have the emotional, physical or mental reserves to go charging across the country looking at all the unis for her course. The situation will most likely complicate her travelling to and from whatever uni she goes to amd how much i can help.

Compounding the decision is that we really have no idea what her grades might look like.

We as a family had the time from hell through her GCSEs, most people were incredulous DD was still sitting them at all. She had very little actual study in the 3 months prior to the exam but she wanted to stay in correct year with her peers. The fact that she took them was a miracle, the fact she passed any deeply admirable

(The family situation is ongoing and may unexpectedly hit crisis at pretty much any point but hopefully the impact on DD education wise is somewhat mitigated now. But it's still very stressful )

DD underachieved on one important subject she is hoping to rectify this year and averagely on everything else. Would lead to the expectation of CCC. However Initial A level assessments peg her as having the capacity to hit at least 2 B and at least one of those potentially an A (on a good day if nothing else goes wrong between now and then). Not that that surprises me hugely, she's bright. But that makes a reasonable estimate of her grade anything between a CCC and an ABB. She hasn't lot the same level of hobbies enhancements as many with that grade due to covid, the family situation and her own physical challenges

I don’t know whether to encourage her to look at a more challenging uni (which are all bar one much further away for her course) or whether that is just entirely unrealistic and will just hit her confidence if she is turned down or misses the grades. I'd hate to feel I limited DD's opportunities (any more than they alreafy are) before she'd already begun.

But I do know that given DD a stubborn whotsit🫣😁, there's a definite value to letting her go her own way about things. Especially when her way definitely has its own merits.

So how many visits did you do with your DC? Any words of advice?

Back in the mid 80s I went to one open day, with school. It was more a this is what a uni is like, rather than any course specific talks as I remember it. Certainly you didn't do open days prior to do the UCCA or PCAS form.
Then I was invited to prospective applicants days at the unis I applied to, only a couple interviewed me. Got their by train on my own. Don't remember anyone there with parents.

I don't recall my friends going to open days in the 1970s. My sister was interviewed at the universities she applied to so did go to visit them all.

I think that public transport cuts make it more difficult for a lot of people to be independent transport-wise these days. We are fortunate to have a station in our village, but trains are only hourly and don't start very early or run very late.

For example it takes 1 hour 45 minutes to drive to Warwick university from our house and three and a half hours, involving 4 trains and a bus each way to do this by public transport. Time-wise it's doable in a day, but what a hassle. And at 16 (which she still was at the end of year 12) DD had travelled by train independently, but not on a trip involving 3 changes followed by a bus, and she certainly wouldn't have had the confidence to do so.

She would now though.

I did enjoy visiting the different universities with DD, and we often made a weekend of it by staying over the night before to get an early start. I must admit that I did like Warwick and found them very welcoming. Also, the summer open days had a much different vibe about them because exams had finished and everyone was celebrating and happy. The autumn ones were much more workaday and "this is what we do".

Also, I suspect that those who travelled on their own to open days probably chose universities that were easy to get to by public transport. My parents didn't have a car, and it was certainly a factor when my sister chose her university.

Whereas now, as most parents do accompany their DC and have a car, location is less of an issue. It isn't just one simple "we overparent our teens more" these days.

I went all over the country when visiting universities, as did my DC. There were one or two places where I was working with a client in the vicinity and dropped a DC off but they made their own way home.

The point is that these days are for the DC to meet others considering the same courses and places, spend time together and learn from each other as they decide if the venue is the right place for them. Much of this opportunity is lost if they have parents in tow.

I act as a visiting lecturer from industry to a number of UK RG universities and the recurring comments from staff about open days is that they had to set up parallel talks to separate off the parents in order to give the potential students some chance of getting the open day experience for just a few hours. Sometimes as a parent to a nearly adult you have to stand back and reassure them that "they've got this".

Perhaps they should make all the subject talk parent free? I attended some with DD, but she went to several on her own. I was happy to sit in the sun with my kindle.

Thinking about this further, the you're on your own approach regarding university open days isn't going to work with those of timid disposition.

I would liken it to throwing someone in at the deep end of a swimming pool. Those who can swim are fine, those who can't need some help with a buoyancy aid until they can swim, or they sink and drown. I would suggest that the parents at open days are the buoyancy aids for the timid students. DD was timid and unconfident, but she isn't now - she is a strong swimmer.

Maybe only the strong swimmers applied to university in the 1970s?

Young people develop confidence at different rates. DD was horribly bullied at school which knocked her self confidence for six, and developed her confidence at university. I was happy to be her buoyancy aid, and taxi, at open days.

Logistics are important. Don't underestimate the importance of things like the ease of getting home. Many a first year student has struggled and being at a uni a plane flight or very long train ride home has been a problem.

I agree @pocketvenuss. It was the final nail in the coffin for Bristol TBH. When I had to collect DD just before the first lockdown I was thank ul I didn't have a horrendously long round trip.

Maybe only the strong swimmers applied to university in the 1970s?

Possibly. I had been travelling to and from school on my own using multiple trains and busses since my 11th birthday so was very confident using public transport.

As others have mentioned, I don’t remember any open days specifically aimed at prospective students or offer holders, just interviews.

Universities did have open days but they were open to the public at large. My father used to take me to those from age eight onwards. More for his benefit than mine, I expect.

Neither of my DDs met anyone doing their course at an open day! Prospective Students just talked to their parents. It’s just a day out really. We actually visited two privately. Just phoned up.

DD met someone on her course on her offer holder's day. The girl turned out not to be much of a friend in the end, but by then she had made some genuine friends.

None of DDs lasting friendships have been from her course at all. She preferred her housemates!

@Oakbeam there were no open days - you just went. But it's true that, especially for the state schoolers, it was not for the faint hearted.

I'm wondering how people find 7 or 8 unis to visit? We've only got 3 that we are considering so will visit those but tbh already know the towns so won't learn anything new.

We're slightly struggling with 2 further unis to look at. DD is in her first year and has lots of friends at various unis so have learnt a lot speaking to her and her friends.

I think we'll only visit 3 as 2 are in London where we are based anyway.

DS has visited 3.

My DF's DS was very much like your DD in that he was pretty fixed in one Uni and one course. He did eventually agree to visiting one more Uni.

He started his course at the Uni he was fixed on in September and is blossoming.

I wouldn't worry too much about not visiting too many. If you have any Unis nearby, take a walk around during half term. We did this with DS so that he could get a feel fit a Campus Uni and a. City Uni.

@AmboseliIt makes a difference if your Dc is actually interested in going elsewhere. Some of us have nothing handy. Plenty of London Dc go to Durham for example. They look at league tables and employment prospects more than geography and convenience. I’m not sure why anyone cannot find more than 3, unless the subject is very very niche. It’s only limited by not wanting to travel very far I think. So self limiting.

Ds had a shortlist of 8 places he needed to whittle down. He ended up visiting 6 of them and he immediately discounted 3 places after his visits.

It's expensive to go very far away. Dd has discounted Edinburgh for this reason as she'd have to fly up and down or get a very expensive train which takes hours and hours.

Most manage it. If you want it enough. Who would choose Bournemouth over Durham? (If you are qualified for Durham). Train to Edinburgh isn't that bad. You don’t need to fly! Makes me wonder how in earth students study abroad?! Plenty do. The key is: you don’t come home all the time!

Living in Northern Ireland, when my DS and his cohort, were researching open days last year, one aspect they found particularly frustrating was that no universities they were interested in held open days on Sundays.

easyJet and flyBe schedules post COVID means it's almost impossible (London excepted) to do day trips to English cities, so an overnight stay was always going to be required.

Being able to attend an open day in one city on a Saturday and then travel by train to another on a Sunday, before flying home would have made the logistics and cost a lot more palatable.

Consequently, I'm unaware of anyone in my DCs cohort who did fly to attend an open day - thank goodness for YouTube and Tiktok 🙂 which were used heavily to influence application choices.

I realise we're an edge case and I'm not looking for sympathy - I just wanted to provide another viewpoint.

Well that depends on your circumstances.

The neuro-diverse young person, or the young carer or one with other family/personal circumstances that mean they might prefer to be more accessible to home will make their choices accordingly.

I think it depends on the course @Amboseli. DD was initially interested in medicine and really wanted to visit as many medical schools as she could. They all have different criteria for interview selection and different methods of teaching.

A lot of the information covered in the subject talks was not available online - for example one admissions tutpr said that they never read personal statements unless the student was borderline, one said that they preferred the third A level to be an arts or humanities subject because it showed breadth of education, all tutors said that further maths was not considered as a separate A level subject for medicine applications unless it was a fourth A level. They mentioned which hospitals they would use for placements

These little snippets are pretty important when you are considering studying somewhere for 5 years.

It’s not very expensive if you are canny

DS goes from London to Glasgow every few months relatively cheaply

Often he will go via Leeds/Manchester and see friends and then onwards via Carlisle for bargain split rail fares

Or sometimes flies if not bringing much back and wants to get back quickly . He came back end Oct & fare was about £22.

It’s worth looking into train times and fares as some places I thought were miles & miles away are very accessible from London, where others that I’d thought looked geographically closer have slow & costly transport links.

We don't live anywhere near London tbh. Just pointing out that there are valid economic and practical reasons for some students not wanting to live a very long way away.

A friend of Ds discounted Brighton for travel and economic reasons. The train route was horrendous and accommodation unaffordable.