How many university open day visits did you do with your DC?

[Icedlatteplease]

DD is quite keen on one university in a small city she has visited and loved. Its decent (if not exceptional) for her course and convenient but not too close travel from home (both driving and train). In many ways it works very very well from my perspective. It's a totally sensible, safe-ish academically choice.

She's agreed to visit a couple of others but a little under sufferance. Everything is compared to her preferred choice and her A level campus (which again was a slightly quirky unexpected choice necessitated by circumstances but that is working very well for DD). A lot are dismissed by DD at the online investigation stage.

But I am worried about how much I should be allowing her to self restrict, or for that matter restricting her myself.

The family situation mentioned below means I have carer responsibilities that severly limit my ability to travel, money is limited and i have injuries all of which make travelling to university open days challenging, especially if you can't get there and back easily in a day. I don't really have the emotional, physical or mental reserves to go charging across the country looking at all the unis for her course. The situation will most likely complicate her travelling to and from whatever uni she goes to amd how much i can help.

Compounding the decision is that we really have no idea what her grades might look like.

We as a family had the time from hell through her GCSEs, most people were incredulous DD was still sitting them at all. She had very little actual study in the 3 months prior to the exam but she wanted to stay in correct year with her peers. The fact that she took them was a miracle, the fact she passed any deeply admirable

(The family situation is ongoing and may unexpectedly hit crisis at pretty much any point but hopefully the impact on DD education wise is somewhat mitigated now. But it's still very stressful )

DD underachieved on one important subject she is hoping to rectify this year and averagely on everything else. Would lead to the expectation of CCC. However Initial A level assessments peg her as having the capacity to hit at least 2 B and at least one of those potentially an A (on a good day if nothing else goes wrong between now and then). Not that that surprises me hugely, she's bright. But that makes a reasonable estimate of her grade anything between a CCC and an ABB. She hasn't lot the same level of hobbies enhancements as many with that grade due to covid, the family situation and her own physical challenges

I don’t know whether to encourage her to look at a more challenging uni (which are all bar one much further away for her course) or whether that is just entirely unrealistic and will just hit her confidence if she is turned down or misses the grades. I'd hate to feel I limited DD's opportunities (any more than they alreafy are) before she'd already begun.

But I do know that given DD a stubborn whotsit🫣😁, there's a definite value to letting her go her own way about things. Especially when her way definitely has its own merits.

So how many visits did you do with your DC? Any words of advice?

DD didn’t go to any open days, she was dithering about her choices too much.
DD got offers from all five choices and then visitors three on offer holder days (two with me and one with boyfriend). There was one she loved but was an aspirational choice, thankfully she did really well and got her first choice.

Two things

What course is interested in as we might be able to offer some suggestions?
There's a Facebook group WIDKAU or something similar I'll try and link it and there are loads of parents and students with their own experiences and suggestions- really useful if travel is limited.

I would encourage her to go on her own if you can't travel, there will be students there on their own or with friends, as well as parents and she won't stand out.

Given her grade range I'd encourage one at the high end, one mid and one insurance as well as a couple of others to spread the risk then if she does really well she has a high end option to consider - or she can go into clearing - which makes this ground work more useful

Good luck and how lucky she is to have such a supportive parent x

My parents went with my brother 25 years ago. All his friends went with their parents as well.

I went to a few with dd last year as she asked me. She did also visit with her college. All the students had at least one parent there. I didn’t spend the whole day with her. There were different things to do. Some just for students. They did a couple of workshops as an example.

They had a room with coffee and cake for the parents and left us chatting with eachother.

This group

You should know already if you want a campus Uni or not. You should know if the course options really suit you.

I disagree. DD didn't really know whether she wanted campus or city until she went to Warwick and hated it because it felt like an isolated bubble to her. She thought that Bristol sounded ideal from all that she had read about it, then hated it when we got there. She didn't like Manchester or York either. I think it is important to visit even if it is to rule out a university.

She ended up at her first choice (Newcastle) and loved it. When covid happened I was glad that she was only two hours away when I got the call to bring her back home just before the first lockdown.

@Icedlatteplease We visited 8 universities in the end, but if your DS can't get to many universities I recommend that he does the offer holder days as they are more useful than an open day to get a real feel for the university and the course.

We are rural with poor public transport (and subject to frequent train strikes) so taking DD to open days was a no brainer. She was only 16, and very unconfident, when we first started looking.

Eldest did 5 and narrowed it to 2 before I king one. Youngest it was all on line but she looked at 3 although she was pretty set from start on one she wanted

DD went to two. There are only two unis do what she wanted to do (is doing) though, so that was why. We could have talked her into looking at different things but this was all she wanted to do, no fallback position.

On being more ‘ambitious’ for her, does she have any desire to do that for herself? After good mock results my colleague talked his daughter into applying for something more ambitious/academic/conventional … she was home less than a month into term, wanting to do the course she’d wanted to apply for in the first place.

Tbf she's already told me she's putting her choice first regardless 🙄🤣. I'm taking it with a pinch of salt currently but I wouldn’t surprise me if my level of influence in this ends up being nonexistent. I can live with that though as it's sensible

I'm starting to think this is a sensible option.

Locally we can get to her choice, one more aspirational option, one I wouldn’t consider overly aspirational but the grades are fierce and the course interesting. A few middle of the road ones and a couple of safe bets. Perhaps 5-6 unis in total. But that does inherently limit her to this part of the world, And I do worry she might actually like to be in an entirely different part of the country

Theres two more aspirational choices which would be an overnight, overnight would cause social services a real headache. . One of them is on her list of places she kinda likes the look of so I'm thinking I might suggest she applies for that one and she goes to an offer day solo if she gets an offer cos she'll be 18 then. Which just leaves the last one and me letting her get away with dismissing some places on Internet research alone

Geography, but with a definite human slant

And thank you. I try.

Each of mine have only done one.
First was during covid. Second we did his favourite but can’t afford to travel around for others

Some suggestions based on my own experience:

Encourage your DD to continue to visit other universities by framing such exploration as a way of confirming her current thoughts and also as a way of having some wider info/insights in case her preferences change. It is important not to appear to be undermining her current thought process. My DC's views about uni, which uni and which courses evolved over the A-level years. Her favourite might be the one she ends up at and she may well thrive (because her gut feel aligns with robust underlying reasons) but exploring alternatives is a sensible thing to do and Y12 is a good time to do that. Y13 is very full on and DC can run out of elapse time to accommodate visits within UCAS-related decision time lines.

Definitely encourage your DD to visit various uni locations independently. Like others, I am of a generation where parents did not accompany (lower car ownership, uni visits allowed on school days, less high stakes financially). I got a lot out of my unaccompanied visits. Whilst I offered to attend up to two Open Days with each DC in Y12, I expected them to do other visits unaccompanied. In some cases, they focused on simply visiting the location and uni on a non-Open Day. Obviously they could not enter specific buildings but could wander round on a day that did not have the forced and very artificial atmosphere of an Open Day.

I would expect them to 'report back' after each visit with info (rather than opinions). What is travel to the location involve (eg train change)? What facilities were there in the city/town centre? How long did it take to get to the uni? What was the layout of the uni? Where was the relevant faculty building? How long did it take to get to the nearest 2&3 year student housing area (a mandatory part of the visit)? What were the facilities like in that area? All this was not done from the perspective of being an over-involved parent but to train them up to look at situations factually and critically. The answers to the above questions were for their benefit, not mine.

Finally, I did train them to cope, in their own way, with large numbers of parents being present at Open Days if (as was usually the case) they were in the minority as an unaccompanied visitor. At the informal Q&A sessions, telling them to wait their turn but definitely make contact with their 'target' academic or student to signal they would like to speak to them, not deferring to a parent who might bust in on and attempt to take over a conversation they were already having with an academic or existing student (the latter happened quite a lot). Academic staff were all very good at spotting the unaccompanied visitors apparently and making sure they spent time with them but it helped to give DC a sense of the etiquette of informal networking.

Did zero with dd2 (covid). I think they are largely irrelevant if you know which uni you want anyway (ie a highly rated one for your course)

Did five with dd1 and actually that was good as she fell in love with a uni that was a back up plan and ended up going there and really enjoying it. Her unis were lower ranking though and I think that's when feel is more important

1984 in my case. Me and my mum went on the train, she went shopping, I went to the interview, then we stayed in a hotel and had a nice evening in a restaurant.

OP- DD last year didn't do any Open Days, except virtual ones (we're not in the UK) She dismissed all of them as a complete waste of time.

We did visit two on offer holders' days. These were fantastic, sessions for parents while the kids did workshops etc. Really really useful and helped to cement dd's ideas.

I remember posting on mumsnet at the time and being scornfully chided that of course students should go without their parents.

I can truthfully say I don't think I saw a single unaccompanied teen in all five visits.

And also it was really fun going with dd. We still talk about all the places we went and things we liked and didn't like. I didn't ask any questions or anything, was there as a supportive friend. You don't need to impress the academic staff with your amazing independence on open days! Talk to them yes if you want but how the staff magically know you are on your own and that your parent isn't in the loo/looking at something else I don't know.

With DD I did 2 and DH did 2.

You see this all seems far too much work😆

Lots of boarding school Dc go in small groups together unaccompanied. Not unusual at all. Most other parents go along. I mostly drank coffee and let DDs get on with it. Parents should never go into subjects talks! As for the checklist for “reporting back” above! Most parents would not get this detail out of a 17 year old.

@Icedlatteplease The best advice is to look at 3. Am I right that she’s keen on Portsmouth? In that case, UCL is a non starter. So is Bristol and Exeter as I think her grades won’t be good enough. Exeter Falmouth is a possibility though. I would have thought Sussex or Brighton would be ok too. I don’t know the details of the courses though. If she doesn’t like Brighton obviously the last two are non starters. However Portsmouth isn’t paradise! Surrey is quite a “sheltered” easy going university. Also Oxford Brooks. She could look at UWE too.

My DDs just wanted a city. Few universities are literally spread around everywhere! There is always a core. Is DD just looking at one university because she thinks it will suit you? In addition, we took other Dc with us on visits. Could she not do an open day with a friend? In my honest opinion , I think a gap year might help. Get into the world outside school and choose after results. She is not really being sensible about making choices and if she wants employment after her degree, course and university matter, especially for human geography. What does she want to do with the degree? Any goals?

I went into all the subject talks! Most parents did. I wasn't so cringe to actually say anything 🙃

Genuine question . When did parents start going to Open Days

I went to uni in 1993 and my dad came with me to open days although I did go with my then boyfriend to one that was not too far away. (we were both able to drive)

I guess if your child is visiting a university with good public transport links that you can get there and back in one day they might go alone, but for many of us that is not the case. My son does not yet drive so needed us to take him to most of his.

@Greatly
Yes. The Dc just want to know what’s the course like, will they fit in, is it a nice enough place to be? Not much more in the time available! 2/3rd year housing is what’s available! You don’t have time to hike around areas. Just ask student ambassadors if it’s that important!

I have never understood why 17 year olds have visited a perfectly great university and city and then say they hate it. “Hate” is so childish. It’s just not for them. They cannot possibly know everything about a university or city within a few hours there. Also don’t look at cities or indeed a campus if you don’t like what they might offer. These issues should be looked at before any visit takes place. I have to say, we didn’t find universities to be so different. Nothing to hate at any of them. Or in any city.

Ha,ha, you might be right @Greatly and @TizerorFizz - though it worked for us and the 'reporting back' was actually done in a very low key way. As you say, 16 and 17 years will only impart what they want to impart! Some parents accompany but obviously do not hover over them throughout the visit and that can be a good approach. However, OP is concerned about unaccompanied visits because they may not be able to accompany to many and I am trying to show that is perfectly OK and that DC can be encouraged to do so if circumstances dictate.

We did 4 in person and 2 virtual.