We are letting DD down already!

[Festoonlights]

I would really appreciate some wisdom. DD is making her choices for universities. Her predicted grades are AA and A in maths, biology and geography - she is also currently doing a fourth in economics predicted an A although she is thinking to drop econ.

She is passionate about environmental sustainability and loves field work and wants to mix it with ecology etc at Edinburgh or do a straight biology degree. Dh after much research is imploring her to mix this with environmental sustainability with economics as the job prospects are so limited with biology and biosciences/environmental science. He seems to think the job market is tight and badly paid in bio areas. DD does enjoy econ but prefers more fun subjects.

Dd is a bright and capable student, but we are getting very lost as to how to help her make a decision, she isn’t fixed on anything atm.

Battle lines are becoming apparent as dh says environmental stuff is a hobby/ interest not a career. She has ruled out law and most other routes. Any thoughts?

Is your dh hugely successful in an industry that your dd has expressed an interest in? If not, then why is your contribution less important?

Your dh needs to understand that his role and yours is providing advice and support.

At seventeen how do people even start to choose?! I understand why she is feeling pressure as it’s hard to make an important decision, some of her friends know exactly what they want to do. Others struggle like her. School are not helping as they are quite overworked

Sorry but you need to let her decide and just give advice if she asks for it. My ex tried to bully my daughter into doing medicine and she really didn't want to. It has to be your daughter's choice.

Her strong suit is biology should she stick to that?

Dh in banking so yes he does know about econ element

My field of work couldn’t be more different. I literally know nothing beyond my own personal research on her subjects , so I am not best placed to advise. School telling her to aim high whatever that means.

I agree with other posters, she should do what she is drawn to. Should probably add that I run a team some of whom are bio science / env scientists. All in high five figure salaries. It’s a good, exciting, and rewarding (personally and financially) career from my point of view. Good luck!

PS Mum desperately wanted me to be a lawyer. I’d have been shocking at it. I became an engineer and have never regretted doing what I knew was right for me.

Scottish uni a good idea, at somewhere like St Andrews she could do sustainable development and biology and economics for two years before deciding which to concentrate on.

OP, if your DD goes to Edinburgh, the Scottish uni system is different. Degrees are four years, not three, and you can mix and match, or change, subjects more easily.
DH did a BSc at Dundee, started off majoring in physiology but switched to psychology after two years. And then did two further years in computing.
Life sciences are also quite a big area up here - there may be more jobs in the sector than your DH realises if he’s based in London.
As PPs say, you can only advise your DD, not force her into a degree she doesn’t want. And thousands of jobs are open to graduates with any degree, rather than specific vocational ones, with training provided in house.

Thank you. I am so glad for the replies. I have struggled to help as she is very science based. We were looking at the St Andrews course as she liked that one exactly as you recommend. Any suggestions would be really helpful.

I think both you and your husband need to stop thinking of the uni course as vocational, something that will get her into a specific career. I’m mid 30s, did a very generalist degree, would be considered very successful in my work which is related to sustainability and to get where I am have changed sectors/ disciplines/ roles etc perhaps 5 times? Unless it is specifically vocational (medicine, architecture etc) a degree is a stepping stone to the first job, the first job is a stepping stone to the second. Let her study what she wants, give her the 3/4 years to figure out what career that might lead to.

It's her life. She gets to decide what she wants to study and where. If later in life she decides she wants to take a different track, she can do. (I retrained in my 30's but don't regret my initial choices).

I had a couple of friends at uni whose parents had refused to fund the degree they wanted to do, these parents were well meaning but it really soured relations and both friends ended up with degrees that didn’t lead them to where they wanted to go.

I chose my degree because I was interested in the fieldwork options and the university had lots of bars in campus. I enjoyed it, did fairly well and have a decent job now.

it is difficult, but ultimately has to be her decision and not DH. If she’s undecided then a year out to consider and get some work experience is probably not a bad idea.

I've known a few parents who have forced their choice of degree on their children - never works out well.

I have many friends who work in the city -eg, banks, adventure capital, not one of them has an economics degree. Maths and physics seems to be the thing for the city these days.

Your DD has to make her own path - yes the information can be overwhelming - so many universities offering similar sounding courses but can differ wildly when you look in more detail. But it's a process she needs to go through for her own development. She needs to be committed to the courses she'll apply for. Your DH criticising her choices by calling them 'hobby' subjects is simply unacceptable, and is bullying. You need to tell him in no uncertain terms to back off. Biology at Edinburgh is a good degree. What your DH needs to remember is that an undergraduate degree is a springboard, not an end point in of itself.

You may find your DD's school can offer her and your DH advice. I know my DD's school was very insistent at every stage that it's the children who are studying not the parents and that forcing a child down a route they are reluctant about is damaging.

I say again - you must tell your DH to back off. And if he doesn't you need to be activate in supporting your DD when she is under attack

I can empathise as one of my DC currently at Uni had decided on Economics and then literally two weeks before the application deadline switched to Ancient History. I had got her to apply for a joint Economics and History degree course, but later realised I was being an idiot.

Yes, graduates with Economics degrees get very well paid, but none of the careers interested her (although she liked economics academically).

The careers she was really passionate about are all working in museums and being paid to be a tour guide at ancient ruins in Greece or whatever. She knows it’s not very well paid but she pointed out she’s very frugal and it’s still enough money and what’s the point of more money if you hate your career/job?

I think your DH needs to back off as well. It’s really her life and most people are happy to cut their cloth to their means if they’re doing something they love.

My friend is an energy manager for a big 4 firm and earning £60k+

Agree with others, she needs to choose.

My DS2 is doing biological sciences and I am sure he will find a rewarding career at the end as he is passionate about it. My DD has just graduated in Eng lit which is hardly a great door opener - OTOH she got a great degree despite many struggles as she loves the subject. Totally no point in making your child (as if you could) study something they are not interested in, just because it leads to a great career. In any case as I say I would reject that notion wrt sciences.

If your DD is planning to drop economics it doesn't sound as if it would be a good choice for a degree - clearly not a fave subject.

You have to love your subject (s) at degree level.

YY of course we as parents 'let' our DC choose their degree subject! wow I mean how else would it work? In any case I know nowt about biology at A level or beyond. DS2 did his research and looked at different course, picking those where he thought the modules and structure fitted his likes.

DD did french A level which is one of my subjects - did I want her to do a French degree? Not i she didn;t want to tbh. It's not me doing the degree.

Has your DD been to any open days? If not I would book on to some for September and maybe look at a few places over the summer. my DC found that helpful.

Your DH sounds controlling. It is dd's life and her decision. He needs to butt out.

Sorry meant to add in a more constructive way - DS2 did maths, biology and PE so not miles from your DD's subjects. With those grades she could have her pick of universities - that's what 'aim high' means to me.

There are lots of options and there are websites where you can input A levels and it comes up with suggested degrees - she has the whole summer to research this.

Do other parents just let their kids pick anything?

What do you mean by 'anything'?
Is 'anything' just whatever you don't agree with?
But, yeah, my children get to choose what they study. I'll offer guidance if asked but the decision is all theirs. 🤷‍♀️

Job opportunities are limited with environmental science? I’m sorry but that is bull. My DH is an environmental scientist (environmental science and management at uni) and graduates with a good degree are walking into jobs £30k+. Don’t make assumptions unless you’ve done the real research. His company can’t keep hold of graduates as they aren’t paying market rates. It’s a fabulous area to go into. FGS.

You asked for suggestions - has your DD heard or or considered Human Sciences. There are 5-6 places that offer in the UK - basically it's a portfolio degree where you can choose different options. The one at ULC allows you to study an incredibly wide range of subjects - DD did anthropology, psychology and lots of human biology and biochemistry, but she could have included maths, Arabic, geography - anything in the 'field of human endeavour'. Universities offering it includes UCL, Durham, Birmingham, Exeter and Oxford

With the greatest respect your dh is wrong and the poor girl is overwhelmed because she is trying to decide whether she should do what she is interested in and will do well at , or whether to please her father and regret it for the rest of her life . Did your dh go to university? he seems to be confusing education with training or trying to live his life through your dd.

firstly except in few limited circumstances class of degree is much much more important than subject. I am an accountant, surrounded by successful accountants with history degrees, english degrees , engineers, linguists, biomedics, geophysics etc .

Secondly there is no reason why a history graduate from Bristol should be a builder unless they want to. History graduates especially from good universities are in demand because they learn to master huge amounts of information. It’s not what you learn at university is how you learn. It’s also about personal qualities drive etc it’s not just the degree.

As parents we are there to support and guide if required.

Your dd needs to make her own mind up what she wants to study, university is pretty full on and it’s for the next 4 years of her life, she needs to want to study her chosen course.

advise and stand back and let her decide.

She should concentrate on what she enjoys and what she's good at. That will translate into the most positive uni experience and the best result. This will help her more in later life, both mentally and job wise than choosing a degree subject that your DH with his Important Successful Job in the City has chosen for her.