Empty nest syndrome - it's real.

[monkeyonthetable]

Is anyone else feeling an intense, overwhelming empty-nest dread?

I know it's stupid but am shocked by how powerful it is. I feel sick and anxious, like there's a fist clenching my chest. Both my DC are leaving home at the same time. Of course I want them to start their adult lives but some part of me just wants to hug them and never stop.

I'm fretting that ASD DS2 will be overwhelmed and lonely and that real uni life won't live up to his very precise, planned, high expectations. I'm worried that DS1 will burn the candle at both ends and collapse (he's done this before - actually fainted from hard work and lack of sleep when leading an expedition in L6.)

And concerned that DH and I will slide into evening TV and silence. We had plans to do some long haul travel as soon as they left, to push ourselves out of the empty nest too but that's been shelved due to Covid.

Has anyone had it and got over it? Is anyone else surprised by how powerful and unexpected it is? Would love to chat to people who feel the same or had it and are through it.

I'm just realising how much of my time my dd took up. We would go on shopping trips and have lunch so often. I'm really going to miss doing that with her all of the time.

Well DS1 went on Saturday,
DD left the Saturday before
DS2 leaves this weekend.
All 3 gone in just 3 weeks.
It's been a hell of a busy month.
I'm just about holding it together.
The focus on whether I have bought enough baking paper or hand wash has helped.
Think DH and I will take him out for dinner before he leaves.
It's really lovely to know that others understand the bittersweetness.

I look forward to experiencing this empty nest syndrome because they keep coming back! It’s called boomerang kids...

@Abracadabra12345

I look forward to experiencing this empty nest syndrome because they keep coming back! It’s called boomerang kids...

That’s what I’m hoping!

DS goes tomorrow. Doesn’t seem real some how.

Can I join too please?
I've already had one DS go through uni so knew what to expect with DS2 but it's been compounded by my husband leaving me at the end of July, DS1 officially moving in with his girlfriend 10 days ago and DS2 moving away to uni more than 3 hours away last Friday. Had a busy weekend which helped take my mind off things but yesterday just felt lost. Such a lot of change in such a short time.
I WFH too which doesn't help. Thank heavens for the dog!

I'm so sorry that others are feeling as much sadness as I am, though it is weirdly comforting to know I'm not alone.

DD was upset that she had wasted a day being ill this week - she said "I've lost this last precious time...." I started to get tearful but then she finished with "...to get more of the refresher course finished". Just me then

I dropped my dd off at Exeter for her 1st yr on Sunday. She had a brief wobble before she went & was a little tearful when we left. Fortunately she seems to have nice housemates but was very bored yesterday afternoon and chatted for nearly 2 hrs on the phone as all her flat mates were in their rooms. Luckily today has been better & she has had zoom lectures & been out. Ds1 goes next weekend for his final yr but as ds2 is only 12 we’ve still got him for 7 yrs! We won’t hear much from ds1 when he is away, but having ds2 here will make up for it!
As my mum passed away in May it feels so lonely as both my females are gone.

Zoom lectures already @Badgerstmary? Wow, Exeter starts early! DS2's lectures don't start for another 10 days so they are all milling around because Freshers' week is all scaled back.

(((hugs))) to everyone feeling unsettled, especially to those of you who are now at home alone.

@Coleoptera - Thank you for your lovely message. And for your wonderful, wise support over the last couple of years. You are so clearly a lovely woman and a fabulous mother. I am delighted for you that your DTs are launching themselves out into the world exactly where they want to be. DS1 is and I hope with all my heart that DS2 doesn't regret his decision to choose London.

How great that the mood in your house is optimistic - you and your DTs deserve this so much. And I hope you enjoy your newfound freedom, but feel free to pop in here if you suddenly feel Ugh! at the tidiness and the silence and the acres of free time.

We dropped DS yesterday. I was brave. Didn’t embarrass him by crying. And I still haven’t cried. Felt a bit teary off and on but it passed. Slightly concerned about myself and my reaction! I really thought i would be more emotional. I cry watching strangers saying goodbye at airports!

Having said that we moved countries when DS was 10 and I expected to be very emotional at his last assembly but I wasn’t. Had been at ones for other DCs though. Maybe I’m just odd.

Anyway - house feels very quiet as even the dog isn’t here as she stayed with dog sitter last night.

I feel pretty flat really. No motivation to do much today.

Just dropped my boy off he's heating down to work till October/November...... feel strangely calm and positive.

Heading not heating lol

DS2 has just dropped by to pick up more stuff. He said, 'I'm not staying the night as I'm busy tonight so I'm going home.'
Home?

I'm really glad he's settling in well so far, but did a bit of a double take at 'home.' He only left this one three nights ago!

@monkeyonthetable aw that's harsh ..... when I'm out and about with work I'll say something like 'when I get home' (meaning back to my base) sometimes it just means where you are heading.

Plus my son has changed his Facebook details and 'home' is where he is currently living 😫😫

@Shoegal0305 - it's good really. It means they are coping out there in the big wide world!

rocky day today DS1 was struggling. Because of covid no one else has moved into his flat and one of the other two has moved out and gone home after three days. That leaves him and a 2nd year who has her own friends and an evening job so he has no one to cook with, no one to socialise with during the day. He was very unhappy today and I felt physically sick with anxiety all day after a sad phone call. He went out, alone, and did some errands but he'd forgotten to eat (ASD issue - he often undereats and is very skinny). I just wish I could wave a wand to give him a flat of happy, friendly people to mix with.

Oh no @monkeyonthetable that's rough. DH and I are thoroughly depressed at what awaits our DD when she leaves next week - probably straight into a lockdown. This is so, so tough on our lovely kids - they deserve so much more. 😞

monkeyonthetable My Dd had a bad day yesterday. She didn't see anyone all day, only popping out for milk. I called her as she sounded down and she cried as she was lonely. Her flatmates are ok but not really her kind of people.
It was heartbreaking to hear her so sad.
Thankfully she was brave today and went along to a meet up with others doing her subject and I'm delighted to say it was a huge success. She got on really well with them and said they're much more her type of people.
I've got everything crossed this is a positive turning point for her.
Has your ds got a chance to meet others doing his subject. Or join any societies where he may meet people with same interests?
It is awful being far away and unable to help, isn't it?
It's so so tough for them with all of the restrictions. They would usually have so many more opportunities to meet others who could become friends.

Am joining this thread as just dropped DS2 for his first year at Uni... having waved off DS1 for his third year a couple of weeks ago. I am so very anxious for them both due to the Covid situation, DS2 has already taken a gap year so really didn’t want to defer any more and his mental health wasn’t great last year. He was so keen for a fresh start. It’s now just me and DH and I have felt like sobbing all day but haven’t given in yet! Am pretty shattered after the previous weeks organising all their stuff so being tired doesn’t help I’m sure. Reading the comments makes me realise it’s not just me: doesn’t help when friends say oh how lovely it’ll be - lots of peace and quiet when actually I’ve been dreading it!

I hope this attachment posts ok. I'm currently having some counselling due to severe anxiety and I was sent this 'wheel' which helps you identify what you are feeling. If it helps one person I'd be happy.

Morning everyone, I hope everyone has a relaxing Sunday. Shoegal thanks for the wheel - dropped my ds off yesterday and letting him make contact with us first but I just want to know he is settling; I'd say I am worried!

He is shy and can be anxious. Takes a long time to get to know people.

Met one room mate who carried his case up the stairs while we carried other boxes - very friendly and outgoing - good sign.

I suppose no news is good news! He didn't want me helping him unpack too much and gave me an exasperated look when I offered to make his bed up for him. I wanted to put milk we bought in the fridge but he didn't want me to wander around!

Dh and I got a rare hug when he came back to the car with boxes and I almost got tearful. Desperate to know he is OK but I think it's best to leave it a couple of days before contacting him.

He didn't even look round the campus properly at Open Day so there's a lot to keep him occupied. I'll message him midweek and keep myself occupied until then!

Please can I join? Got back last night from dropping my son off and just cannot stop crying this morning. I feel so empty and as if my life is pointless now. He is a very quiet boy and so I’m also worried about how he will cope and ridiculously worried about him being bullied. Hopefully things will get better but I just keep thinking this is my life now!

@LightandAiry That sounds like a good start - I hope he makes contact soon so you can breath again!

@Missingmylovelyboy I'm so sorry, this is just how I'm going to feel next week. I've been in tears already..... I think it feels so much like the end of an era, and it makes you question what is next. I have been looking at my future life as being the same but without her, which of course it won't be as things change and new opportunity arise. Be kind to yourself today - sending you a big hug.