Empty nest syndrome - it's real.

[monkeyonthetable]

Is anyone else feeling an intense, overwhelming empty-nest dread?

I know it's stupid but am shocked by how powerful it is. I feel sick and anxious, like there's a fist clenching my chest. Both my DC are leaving home at the same time. Of course I want them to start their adult lives but some part of me just wants to hug them and never stop.

I'm fretting that ASD DS2 will be overwhelmed and lonely and that real uni life won't live up to his very precise, planned, high expectations. I'm worried that DS1 will burn the candle at both ends and collapse (he's done this before - actually fainted from hard work and lack of sleep when leading an expedition in L6.)

And concerned that DH and I will slide into evening TV and silence. We had plans to do some long haul travel as soon as they left, to push ourselves out of the empty nest too but that's been shelved due to Covid.

Has anyone had it and got over it? Is anyone else surprised by how powerful and unexpected it is? Would love to chat to people who feel the same or had it and are through it.

[TrembleLikeAFlower]

How's it going, everyone? DC is back and it looks as if our nest won't be empty again any time soon!

[ladytramp]

I share everyone's joy. It's been so special to have him back, trainers and all. @Motorwaysandwich 😂

[anothernamereally]

Ds is coming home for Christmas today - I'm so excited to see him

[Motorwaysandwich]

Yes, it's real. But I got my boy back yesterday for Christmas and when I woke up this morning and remembered he's in the next room sleeping I thought my heart would burst with joy 😍

Then I went downstairs to make a cup of tea and fell over his giant trainers in the hall 😂

[TrembleLikeAFlower]

No, not too bad, thankfully. We've had some more cookery chat but have been assured that DC is very busy indeed writing essays.

[ladytramp]

Oh no I hope it wasn't too bad! No haven't heard but planning to attempt a call this evening. DH will surely warn me against

[TrembleLikeAFlower]

Ha! Within five minutes of my post last night, I’d been texted a photo of a (thankfully not too serious) cooking-related injury so that I could give long distance first aid advice. Have you had any news from your lad today?

[ladytramp]

Tremble the exact kind of messages I get here aswell!

[TrembleLikeAFlower]

Hello, ladytramp. I'm in an almost identical boat - only child is in first year at college, now self-isolating - and we're WFH in Tier 2. But we do hear quite often from our dear fresher, especially when cooking or laundry tips are required!

[ladytramp]

Thanks anothernamereally, I know it will get better. My friends all seem to be facetiming their kids and I think I've been holding back too much to give him air!

[anothernamereally]

@ladytramp

Can I join. My only son left to college a few weeks ago. He's had to self-isolate but is now fine and enjoying making friends and leading an independent life. I'm WFH, so is DH. I'm not doing too well. DS is a real friend and has always been a pleasure to be with. I miss the chats, the laughs, knowing about his life, etc. Tier 2 means we can't even see friends anymore. Sorry, this is my list of miseries!

It does get better- I still miss my ds of course but I am less depressed and teary about it now a few weeks in

[ladytramp]

Can I join. My only son left to college a few weeks ago. He's had to self-isolate but is now fine and enjoying making friends and leading an independent life. I'm WFH, so is DH. I'm not doing too well. DS is a real friend and has always been a pleasure to be with. I miss the chats, the laughs, knowing about his life, etc. Tier 2 means we can't even see friends anymore. Sorry, this is my list of miseries!

[Peridot1]

@AldiAisleofCrap - it’s lovely that you’ll have children at home for so long. There is 15 years between me and my youngest sibling with two in the middle. I know my mum liked having us around.

I hear you about the grandchildren! I only have one DS so o o one chance to get it right! And he tells me he’s not having kids till he’s about 40 and I’ll probably be dead then! I was 37 having him so he may be right!

[AldiAisleofCrap]

@Peridot1 will be 23 after I have my last.

[AldiAisleofCrap]

@Peridot1 I have 21 years between my eldest and youngest. Am kind of joking in that I didn’t spread them out so I would always have children at home but it’s it’s a nice bonus. I do think it will be very hard emotionally when they all grow up as I have been a mum since I was 20. Hopefully I will have grandchildren by then but am very conscious especially after reading threads on here, that my relationship with them is based on my children’s wishes and their future partners.
It’s shocking to read how some grandparents over step the boundaries by demanding babies sleep
over etc.

[TrembleLikeAFlower]

Yes, apologies, in trying to be brief I wasn't being clear. One flatmate is a contact and another has now tested postive, hence the self-isolation.

[Peridot1]

@CatPerson99 - I’m sorry you are still fining it hard. I suppose it’s to be expected. Good days and bad days.

I’m doing ok. Miss him obviously but he came home for a weekend and is hopefully coming home again next week.

He was a total cliche last time and brought his washing!

He had to have a Covid test last weekend as had been in contact with a few people who had tested positive so they all had to isolate in his flat. They were all negative.

@AldiAisleofCrap - that’s impressive! What is the age difference between the oldest and youngest?

[MarchingFrogs]

But now DC is self-isolating because a flatmate is a contact,

@TrembleLikeAFlower, has your DC actually been told to self isolate by the contact tracing people If? Because it's not what's in the published guidelines. Only the flatmate does, unless they (or anyone else in the flat, obviously) themselves develop symptoms.
www.gov.uk/government/publications/guidance-for-contacts-of-people-with-possible-or-confirmed-coronavirus-covid-19-infection-who-do-not-live-with-the-person/guidance-for-contacts-of-people-with-possible-or-confirmed-coronavirus-covid-19-infection-who-do-not-live-with-the-person

Your household does not need to self-isolate with you if you do not have symptoms ofCOVID-19, but they should take extra care to follow the guidance on social distancing, handwashing and respiratory hygiene....

[AldiAisleofCrap]

That’s why I spread all my children over many years. I will have had dependent children at home from 1998 to 2040. Forty two years, it will be a adjustment for sure.

[TrembleLikeAFlower]

Hello. I've been reading but haven't posted here before. Our one and only has just started at college and, until today, I'd surprised myself at how brave I'd managed to be. But now DC is self-isolating because a flatmate is a contact, and home and college town have been placed in Tier 2. It all now seems a Bit Too Much.

So virtual gin and a hand squeeze to anyone feeling in need.

[CatPerson99]

Is anyone else still finding this really hard? I was trying to be brave and get on with things (we are about to move house!) but I’ve had a bit of a bad week and actually cried on the poor lady doing my ‘cheer me up’ pedicure! I have three away, one in the Army and two at uni so it’s been a gradual process, but I have to say I’m struggling now my little girl is spreading her wings too!

[NecklessMumster]

Mine seem ok. I'm still having waves of sadness but is getting better

[Peridot1]

DS messaged yesterday to say he might come home this weekend. To see the dog!

He thinks they will get locked down at some stage so should come home now if he wants to.

Whilst I really miss him obviously I’ve surprised myself by not being that upset. I actually think they will all get sent home so maybe that’s why. Deep down I don’t think he’ll be there for long!

We are moving next month. Two and a half hours from where we are currently. DS very keen for the move. I did worry he would regret it as he had a good summer here with friends but he is still keen. He hates the town we are in.

[ifancyagreencard]

@monkeyonthetable

We've done the same thing with DD re moving. We're looking at shifting area quite radically in due course, but we're staying put until her studies are done so she can still come "home" to her old school, childhood and family friends.

[monkeyonthetable]

LOL @JonHammIsMyJamm. You're not broken, you're just ahead of us.
I'm currently feeling much much calmer and happier for now because DS2 settled better than we expected. But DS1 is off soon, so the nest is not entirely empty yet. I expect to feel very odd once it is.