Is anyone else feeling an intense, overwhelming empty-nest dread?
I know it's stupid but am shocked by how powerful it is. I feel sick and anxious, like there's a fist clenching my chest. Both my DC are leaving home at the same time. Of course I want them to start their adult lives but some part of me just wants to hug them and never stop.
I'm fretting that ASD DS2 will be overwhelmed and lonely and that real uni life won't live up to his very precise, planned, high expectations. I'm worried that DS1 will burn the candle at both ends and collapse (he's done this before - actually fainted from hard work and lack of sleep when leading an expedition in L6.)
And concerned that DH and I will slide into evening TV and silence. We had plans to do some long haul travel as soon as they left, to push ourselves out of the empty nest too but that's been shelved due to Covid.
Has anyone had it and got over it? Is anyone else surprised by how powerful and unexpected it is? Would love to chat to people who feel the same or had it and are through it.
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Empty nest syndrome - it's real.
monkeyonthetable · 28/08/2020 10:44
@Shoegal0305 - that's a great post. Glad to hear that something is shifting for you.
New and Gad - that's how I feel too. Same tidal waves of emotion.
Hamster - yes - all those things I meant to do with them. Which is stupid, because I have done a LOT with them, but some of the stuff I meant to do before they left home (lots of the practical stuff 
) I haven't got round to. They'll have to muddle through.
DH reminded me that they are very excited and that helped, to remember that. I mustn't rain on their parade by being nervous for them when I could be excited for them. They know I will miss them hugely but I want them also to know that I am really happy for them and proud of them and that has to be the focus when we say goodbye.
Big hugs to you all, it's a very strange stage of our lives seeing our DCs go off and spread their wings. Often coinciding with menopause and other things going on.
DD goes into her second year accommodation next week. I know I'm going to find it so much harder this year than last. Last summer she went travelling for over a month, and was out a lot, so when we dropped her off at uni, although I was sad, I had got used to her not being there. This year is obv completely different, she's been here every day for six months. DH and our other DD have both continued working throughout Covid - I've been working from home and we've got a little routine going, she gets up for breakfast, I stop for lunch 
. We sometimes go out for coffee/brunch. She's chatty and funny and I'll miss her terribly.
She is desperate to go though and I am pleased for her, she's made some lovely friends in her first year and she misses them all.
For those of you worrying about your DCs first year at uni, try not to. I know it's different this year but they are all in the same boat and they will make friends. DD is shy, lacked confidence, could be a bit socially awkward and I was concerned this time last year but it has been the absolute making of her.
@monkeyonthetable all our anxieties are probably trebled in your case of your DCs are suffering themselves. They have you as their mum tho. I never had any parental support. They are lucky and loved in that respect. Please keep us up to date as to how they and you profess 
I've come back to this thread to join you again now dd has gone. We dropped her off yesterday and it's the most painful thing I've ever had to do.
I cried all of the drive home. Just when I thought it was easing another wave came over me.
We had a lovely chat by text late last night and I was feeling much better about it, but I'm feeling sad and empty again today.
Dp is working so the house is quiet. I'm going to have to keep busy as every time I stop it hits me again. I haven't cried this much in ages.
I want her here again, mooching around in her dressing gown. But I don't because going to uni is such a fantastic opportunity for her and I know she'll do so well.
I know it'll get better with time but it doesn't half hurt today 
I'm so glad to see the support on this thread, I remember a similar thread last year/year before where the OP had some awful replies some really quite harsh. I'm a couple of years away from this but I expect I will feel the same loss so I hope when I post similar you are all still around for a handhold.
Keep your chin up OP and everyone else 
I'm actually feeling anxious because my son is coming HOME! Because he won't talk to me and because his education is hanging by a thread I know I'll pick him up from the station and get the silent treatment plus I don't know whether he's coming home to co to use education or whether he's going off to work 2 hours away again
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