DS major fail... wwyd? Totally pissed off

[Troublesometuesday]

In brief .....

DS was at RG London uni doing an engineering course.

In June, he told us he’d failed his degree. And whilst we we were shocked and disappointed, tried to figure out how best to support him.
Now, we finally know the truth of the situation, which is pretty shocking tbh...

-Failed a second year exam

• had four warnings about non-attendance at tutorials/practicals

-transferred onto ordinary degree at end of Yr2

We knew NONE of this!!!

Then, he failed two exams in final year and also failed his dissertation.

Now, whilst most of you will say, what an idiot.... my anger/fury/disappointment is not only directed at him, but also the fact that by treating students as adults, there is no way to intervene at all until it is too late.

To get a degree, DS has to go into 2nd year at another uni. So, never mind the fact that we have supported him fully for the past 3 years, he would get some funding for the coming year, but none at all for what would be the 5th year if a 3yr course....

Btw, at school he was a bright and able student who got 3 A’s - so, if ever there is a warning to other parents, this is it. They can lie, squander money, lie, don’t work, lie some more and fail then miserably.

I just don’t know what to do - of course I want him to achieve in life, but I am so hurt and can’t trust him any more.

Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is - to do nothing.

@Troublesometuesday what were you paying the £8k for? Student tuition fee loan and maintenance loan.

What happened to his friend might explain the drop in achievement. What an awful thing to happen.

I think OP needs to try to let go of the money issues and anger if at all possible at this stage, understandable as it is, take a deep breath, and just try to be supportive to DS in other ways. This is a bigger issue than going off to university or fibbing/lying by omission to Mum and dad, imho. Maybe suggest some career counselling, if suggesting mental health help would go down like a lead balloon, as I suspect it might.

I would also going forward want accountability for any further financial or other concrete help, beyond maybe paying for counselling, but cross that bridge when you come to it.