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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

It's real now - leaving home to go to uni (part 3)

999 replies

user9512736123 · 18/08/2017 10:45

Here you go @Lucysky2017

OP posts:

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Sparklingbrook · 18/09/2017 13:32

I really want to know what DS is eating. He didn't take any food with him at all, he said he would get some when he got there. Bet he hasn't.

Emptyhouseparent · 18/09/2017 14:20

Doobydoo, I lost my mum a few weeks ago so understand

Sparklingbrook · 18/09/2017 14:23

Oh Empty an actual phone call where you speak. I am not ready for that yet. It's been texts so far.

Emptyhouseparent · 18/09/2017 14:27

Bigbluebus - I am so very sorry, that must be incredibly hard x

Emptyhouseparent · 18/09/2017 14:29

Sparkling - yeah there have been lots of those too... he is enjoying himself but it is just so much change to get used to I think.. he seems to need contact at the moment x

Emptyhouseparent · 18/09/2017 14:30

I am just so relieved to have found I am not the only parent feeling like this!

TheMightyMing · 18/09/2017 14:45

My son phoned to say he had a hangover, went clubbing and was having a ton of Heinz soup and bread as a late breakfast. One of his five a day I suppose. Poor DH was sobbing again this morning , im letting him go for a restorative pint with our friend later whose DS is my sons best friend and us in the same city but not same uni.

yeahforfriday · 18/09/2017 15:19

hugoagogo the shopping did it for me as well. Mine went Saturday and when I went to do my weekly shop yesterday, I just found myself picking up and putting down all the stuff I used to get for him - even saving me £40 didn't cheer me up! Only child as well (although do have SS but he won't be over now for 2 weeks.

It's a very weird time - first time ever me and DH will live together without children being resident (we both had DC's before we met). I keep trying to think of the positives and the new adventures for me and DH as well as DS but I keep putting off going home today as I know it is a very quiet house I am going back to.

On plus side DS messaged earlier saying he loved it, met up with flatmates last night and were all going to pick up wristbands later together so 2 days in he seems ok.

MiddlingMum · 18/09/2017 15:27

To those of you struggling, yes it does get easier I sobbed when we dropped DD off three years ago. Then came home, went up to her bedroom to tidy a few things away and sobbed some more. The first few days were horrible, and I wanted to know exactly what she was doing.

She's still missed, but she comes and goes, or we go to visit, and it's all fine now. Several of their friends have now graduated but can't afford to live away so have moved back home Don't be too sure you've lost them .............

Oldie2017 · 18/09/2017 15:30

Mine seem fine and no phone calls yet.
I just spent 8 hours moving their older brother out into his own house he bought last year so it all go here anyway.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 18/09/2017 15:36

Mines a bit bored...apparently

HSMMaCM · 18/09/2017 16:01

DD is printing out photos. I think our ink budget has been blown!

lazydog · 18/09/2017 16:23

So sorry bluebluebus and dooby.

Emptyhouseparent - I think dh and I created the polar opposite scenario. We'd described how fun and lively the university social scene was, and ds has, in contrast, found it to be really quiet and little to do outside of classes and the gym. Your dd's university's freshers experience sounds so familiar to me from back in 1991.

lazydog · 18/09/2017 16:28

bigbluebus I mean. Sorry.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 18/09/2017 17:25

Turns out he is sat in his room as he struggles to talk to people and is 'afraid' To text them

bigTillyMint · 18/09/2017 17:32

SO sorry BigBlueBus and Dooby

Sparkling, you are so right - if it doesn't suit them, they can come home and make a Plan B. But most will be fine after they get used to it all.

And we will get used to it. Eventually

OddBoots · 18/09/2017 17:39

Oh Rufus. Is there any kind of mentorship scheme at his Uni? Has he checked out what is going on at the SU?

Worst case, even if he struggles int he first few days it will all change when his lectures start, he will automatically meet more people that he is likely to have more in common with.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 18/09/2017 17:41

Thats what I'm thinking odds

I may have to get someone to hide the car keys...and money so I can't go and rescue him

He was out Saturday night and Sunday night with SU stuff but yeah i reckon next week he should hopefully relax a bit more and speak to people

ErrolTheDragon · 18/09/2017 17:46

We're still in the buying stuff phase. Today included a selection of teas, microwave popcorn and some nice cookies - hopefully to be shared with new-found friends but otherwise as consolation. Sainsbury also yielded a couple of excellent additions to DDs mug collection - a maths one (which she checked for accuracy) and a very handsome dachshund, thus reflecting two of her chief passions.

I think she's bought enough black pens of various sorts to last her the entire degree.

Rufus - can you perhaps suggest to him that there are probably quite a lot of good talkers in need of an audience?

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 18/09/2017 17:57

Thats an idea errol

I was thinking of texting him that there were probably a lot of students in the same position

He has come on leaps and bounds since January, through a mixture or therapy and maturing. But he still doesnt quite get the nuances of social interaction

By that i mean that he doesnt get casual interaction, he seems to need to be invited...

lazydog · 18/09/2017 18:13

Rufus - a few days ago you replied to me saying: "He sounds similar to your boy"

After reading your last few posts, I'd replace "similar" with "separated at birth"!!

DS is exactly as you describe your son being, socially. He actually had plenty of friends at school, but they were outgoing people who he'd got to know over long periods of time and who no doubt spoke to him first. He's struggling to make friends at university as he cannot do small-talk at all. He's really awkward until he feels comfortable with someone, and then he becomes a totally different person - but I'm worried about whether anyone is going to make the effort to get past his shyness when it's quite likely they'll see it as stand-offishness instead

dingit · 18/09/2017 18:31

Errol, I bought this for dd. She wore it yesterday for a family BBQ to send her off.

It's real now - leaving home to go to uni (part 3)

ImListening · 18/09/2017 18:42

bigbluebus & dooby

I was doing fine till I just spoke to dc who's having a tough time as not really clicked with flat mates as they just want to stay in & so has no one to go out with. It's tough - maybe I shouldn't have bigged up my experience so much!

Doesn't help that dc2 (year10) has just moved school & is also finding it hard.

Being a parent is a never ending source of worry!

OddBoots · 18/09/2017 18:43

I have just seen that we are nearly at the end of this thread, I think we are going to need a new one soon.

dahliaaa · 18/09/2017 18:43

I really don't like all the 'Freshers Week' pressure. Great if it's your thing but just too much for some young people. Thankfully it doesn't last too long.
I was talking to a woman last week who works as a support worker at a university and she said they have recognised this and from next year they are going to make a real effort to offer an alternative experience for those students who don't want the full on drinking / clubbing frenzy.

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