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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

It's real now - leaving home to go to uni (part 3)

999 replies

user9512736123 · 18/08/2017 10:45

Here you go @Lucysky2017

OP posts:

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stonecircle · 21/08/2017 12:48

Not sure I'll be suffering from any empty nest syndrome when DS3 heads off next month.

Was woken up at 5am then 6am yesterday morning with DS2 and DS3 rolling in from a night's partying/clubbing. Then kept awake until 3.30am this morning with all 3 watching Game of Thrones - they like to watch it as soon as it comes out at 2am in the morning. They kept crashing around in the kitchen getting food and drinks. The kitchen which I'd left clean and tidy last night was littered with dirty mugs and plates. My house is a tip. There are shoes and sports gear everywhere. Wardrobes are purely decorative and clothes are piled on chairs/desks/floors in bedrooms. DS2's uni stuff is piled up in boxes (despite his claims that he moved most of it into his new house for next year). We have 2 fridges which I seem to fill every day and there's never any food .... And the washing!!!

DS2 and DS3 are still in bed. Ds1 is only up because he has work.

I love them all dearly but I probably won't be shedding any tears when two of them head off next month! DH and I have been whispering in corners about 'little holidays' (at least two of them don't like to think they're missing out on anything!)

ErrolTheDragon · 21/08/2017 12:56

DH and I are trying to plan a 'free at last' holiday in October, but we can't get it booked till I know the dates of a training course I've got to do sometime that month... in Cambridge.

RedHelenB · 21/08/2017 13:38

Don't think my dd will be organised enough to pre put her clothes on hangers! I can foresee frenzied packing the night before! Plus it'll be a squeeze in my small car
Today's purchase is a single duvet

Horsemad · 21/08/2017 13:38

At the beginning of the year, I thought we'd be 'just us two' bySept but then of course DS1 put a spanner in the works by bailing and coming home to live!

It does take some adjustment when they come home again...

BehindTheBlueDoor · 21/08/2017 13:59

DS2 is pleading with DS1 on a regular basis to change his mind and take a gap year because 'If you go then all the focus is on me!' It will be weird with just one left at home.

Horsemad · 21/08/2017 14:01

It does feel a bit weird at the time but it's also nice to have some one to one time with the youngest.

BehindTheBlueDoor · 21/08/2017 14:23

He'll get used to it but he likes not being the focus. Need to allow time for the dynamic in the house to change.

HSMMaCM · 21/08/2017 21:42

DD has made contact with her first new housemate. I think she was relieved to have some sort of contact before she goes.

We have been making a shopping list today. It's a bit long! Even with all the things she's taking that we have already.

DH has only just realised she needs to bring it all home at Christmas and easter .

RedHelenB · 22/08/2017 08:46

At least dd can leave her stuff and come home by train for Christmas and easter

BananaSandwichesEveryDay · 22/08/2017 09:01

Sorry, haven't read the whole thread so this may have already been mentioned. We got one when DC first went to university and it proved a godsend on a couple of occasions. The money transfers instantly - on one memorable occasion DC was actually standing in the shop with his basket of shopping when he called me! Luckily I was able to leave work and run across the road to my local store to do the top up. It was only used for necessity on a couple of occasions at the beginning, but it also proved a nice way of funding some little extra treats for DC when we were having something special at home.

ErrolTheDragon · 22/08/2017 10:55

I think all dd is allowed to leave xmas and easter is a bike and one suitcase. I seem to remember in my uni hall, half of the wardrobe was lockable so you could leave that crammed, but the room was still usable for conferences etc. Of course, back then I don't think students tended to have so much stuff.

Abra1d · 22/08/2017 11:08

The only thing I would say about not taking out a student loan and paying tuition fees is how would you feel if a future government decided to pay off all outstanding tuition fees and debt?

So your child's friend who took out all loan has effectively had a free higher education but you have paid for your child's?

I am mulling this over at the moment, not sure how much of the debt a future government could afford to pay off in reality, but we have just sold a deceased relative's home and some of the money will mostly go to our two. If you pay off tuition fees while they're studying I think it counts as expenditure for dépendants and doesn't attract inheritance tax, should you not live for seven years after the gift is made.

Lucysky2017 · 22/08/2017 12:42

Abra, I can cope with that because I already do it in a sense with school fees - could have had free education for the twins from age 4 - 18 but instead I've paid at least £260,000.

I doubt Corbyn would not write off prior debt. He said in the election campaign people like my boys who start this Sept might have no fees to pay or written off had Labour got in but he never said he would write off existing debt. As the Tories are probably in for 5 years anyway I can see no circumstances under which children starting this Autumn will have debt written off.

I also think most of us will live 7 years so it's unlikely IHT will come into it. I hope to live 30 years never mind 7!

Abra1d · 22/08/2017 13:38

My friend, who ate a healthy diet, kept very fit and slim and never smoked died within ten months of diagnosis of a rare and aggressive cancer at 53, so I feel you can't always know what's ahead. That's why it's on my mind a bit, I suppose, the future. But hopefully we will all live long and healthy and happy lives! 🙂

Needmoresleep · 22/08/2017 13:53

I am enjoying the preparations.

DD has now announced she will return to the UK the day before she is due at University. We are away. Her brother starts his Masters course tomorrow with a really heavy initial timetable.

My priority is how we get house keys to her. Presumably she can then get on a train, with hopefully a change of clothes (she will have been travelling for a month - so perhaps not) and we can catch up later. Thank goodness she will be in a city.

I am relying on some kind MNetter sending their DC off with a spare set of crockery and cutlery and a home made cake. If they discover a lightly loaded, dishevelled and jet-lagged student without parents, could they please feed her.

Tawny75 · 22/08/2017 14:03

I am feeling much more positive about DD going now. Now that we have her results and we know where she is going it is like a weight has been lifted.

We are awaiting her halls allocation (Southampton) and then we will continue the shopping. We broke the back with trip to Ikea a few weeks ago, and we are holding off on the bedding until we know what size bed she is going to have as some of the rooms have a 4ft bed in.

Food and bedding are what we have left to buy, oh and a printer, we keep adding things to the lists.

Abra1d · 22/08/2017 14:14

Oh I forgot about printers... must have a look online.

stonecircle · 22/08/2017 14:44

Tawny - ds got his Southampton accommodation yesterday, so hopefully you won't have long to wait.

Tawny75 · 22/08/2017 14:47

@stonecircle

You are the first person I have seen who has a DC going to Southampton as well, what is he studying? DD is doing Archaeology

Di he get his first choice of Accomodation? DD doesn't really mind where she goes, as long as it is Self Catering

stonecircle · 22/08/2017 14:54

Physics!

I was all set for an anxious week worrying about accommodation as we had a stressful time a couple of years ago with one of my other dcs who is at Exeter (despite it being his firm, getting the grades and putting his accommodation application in on time).

So it was a pleasant surprise to get an early response from Southampton- and first choice accommodation too! Surprised they didn't ask for a deposit (hope we haven't got that wrong) and first payment not due until 9 October.

He's in Glen Eyre which is about 10 mins walk from his department so he's happy!

Tawny75 · 22/08/2017 15:05

@Stonecircle

That all sounds great. Hopefully DD's will be as smooth. She has applied for Glen Eyre too as well as Mayflower. I am also liking the fact that a payment is not due until 9th October, that means two more paydays!

Peaceandl0ve · 22/08/2017 15:45

Nothing useful to add here but TAWNY, I studied archaeology at Southampton 30 years ago, and spent my first year in Glen Eyre, oh the memories, you DD will have a blast!

stonecircle · 22/08/2017 15:56

I believe Southampton is one of the places to study archaeology

Ocies · 22/08/2017 15:57

My ds was at Glen Eyre (4 years ago) - it has quite a lot of green outside space. Ds lost assorted frisbees and balls in the trees!

Dd has had a gap year so has had her accommodation sorted for a while now but she is just finding out who her flat mates will be. Ikea trip done too.

Horsemad · 22/08/2017 17:02

My DS1 was at Soton and was in City Gateway. We never had to pay a deposit which I was very surprised at. Compare that to DS2 in Newcastle - have paid a £250 deposit AND have to pay £600+ for the first term before he even starts!! Mind you, DS2 is in a Managed Partnership accommodation, so I guess that's the difference. Bloody outrageous though.

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