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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

Non student in DDs halls!

202 replies

kittybiscuits · 04/09/2016 10:22

My DD has a place in halls and is moving next week. It was supposed to be a 5 person flat, but her new flatmate visited it this weekend and said it is 6 beds and an adult/non student male has already moved in and left a note saying he will be living there for 8 weeks. I'm not happy about this. She applied on the first day you could apply so it's not a last-minute place for her. Has anyone else encountered this? She thinks it sounds great. I don't.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 04/09/2016 11:34

Why are people calling the DD "nervous" when the DD is fine with it and "thinks it sounds great"?

Doggity · 04/09/2016 11:34

You don't know his age but you have assumed he's a 50 year old paedophile.

Becky546 · 04/09/2016 11:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tiggytape · 04/09/2016 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YawningKasm · 04/09/2016 11:35

Indeed - the OP doesn't know this man's age.

And I'd assume that leaving a note suggests that he is aware that his presence may be a surprise, and he's anxious/keen to introduce himself, and behave like a normal human being.

MimsyPimsy · 04/09/2016 11:36

Agree to watch the second years, who are way more attractive to first years.

When I was a student in the 80s, there was a man in his 50s who was also a student. He lived on the floor below me. He was a bit odd, and keen to chat up the young women. He was the one who was out of place and treated quite badly, particularly by these young female students and the (female) cleaners, as he was in the minority. So I don't think you can really generalise. (And you don't know the age or anything else about this man.)

zzzzz · 04/09/2016 11:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Moreisnnogedag · 04/09/2016 11:36

Come on now he's just some guy who is probably dreading living with students as much as any sane person would. Either your DD is sensible enough to be at uni or she isn't.

Totallyspies17 · 04/09/2016 11:37

So OP you actually don't know his age or anything about him and you've jumped straight to 50 year old paedophile. WTF? That's actually an awful and worrying assumption and says more about you than anything else. Have you shared these irrational concerns with your daughter?

He may well spoil the vibe of new students for a while which isn't ideal but not exactly the end of the world...... or the poor bloke might be dreading having 5 students move in and may keep himself to himself.

JenLindleyShitMom · 04/09/2016 11:37

Tinkly I don't know how long ago you went to university but I can tell you there is no "vibe" it's a whole pile of different people trying to live together, some partying some not, some studying, some not, some you never see, some always there in their jogging bottoms eating noodles, some shouting at their hallucinations, some tying door handles together, some making little plastic cup sculptures and leaving them all over the place. There is no vibe to be spoiled.

LetsSplashMummy · 04/09/2016 11:37

Ok, calm down until you get some details, don't make this into some ridiculous "what if" drama until you know something about him and his situation. If there is a problem with the guy and your DD complains it will have to be more specific and less hysterical.

I'd make sure the council tax is paid before he leaves after his 8 weeks are up, that is the only issue so far.

MudCity · 04/09/2016 11:37

In halls you could be living with a whole range of people....students who have left home for the first time, students in their final year, postgraduate students, visiting lecturers and people who need accommodation in the area for any particular reason. Any of these people could be mature in years. Any of these people could pose a risk to others, or could be a positive influence, regardless of age. I know someone in their 40s who will be living in halls for one week every month while they are doing a post-graduate course this year. I also lived in halls with people in their 30s and 40s, some of whom were working at the local hospital or working at the university, not studying.

I don't know why the OP thinks that, if the person concerned is 50 he is more of a risk to her daughter than another 18 / 19 year old. If your daughter understands the basics about keeping safe, which I expect she does, then this will reduce risks but I don't think you can label an older male as a greater risk than a fellow student. Embrace the experience of diversity in university halls or else live at home.

Trifleorbust · 04/09/2016 11:38

She probably isn't more at risk from rape. If anything, he is probably less likely to coerce her into sex than a person her own age, because they are less likely to be intimate and alone together.

But that doesn't mean I would be completely comfortable with it. I would still wonder why an older man would want to live in student halls during Fresher's week and the first term at uni. Sounds like my idea of hell, so I would be cautious about anyone who would choose to rent with 18 year olds if they were older than mid-20's. Again, that is without assuming them to be sexual predators - it is more likely to be a convenient short-term let.

My issue would be the university choosing to risk Fresher students feeling uncomfortable, when surely the aim of the first term is to have everyone settled, comfortable and integrated into university life? I think renting student halls to private tenants undermines that and certainly is unlikely to be as advertised.

dylsmimi · 04/09/2016 11:40

Op - you do know that your dd will have to meet 'non students' over the age of 18 during her time at university? - clubs, bars, part time job etc they are not all hiding around a corner waiting to pounce on her

From the very brief details you have given (and have) it sounds like a temporary arrangement and I bet your daughter will hardly see this flat mate - when I was at uni we had one older flat mate and poor thing he spent most of his time socialising with his friends and girlfriend and out and about I expect the last thing he wanted to do was spend lots of time with some immature freshers!! (And j didn't blame him!)

Mummyshortlegz · 04/09/2016 11:40

I have lived in halls over a summer period not as a student. We were expected to move out about a week before term started. I think it's odd that he is staying on and would be speaking to the university. I am sure he is perfectly lovely and normal but it's just not quite usual.

DelphiniumBlue · 04/09/2016 11:41

I'd be concerned that this affects the Council tax exemption usually enjoyed by students. As I understand it, if one person in the accommodation is not a student, then the property is not exempt. On that ground alone I'd take it up with the University accommodation service.

Bluetrews25 · 04/09/2016 11:44

Thinking positively, he could be a responsible adult there to guard all the daughters of anxious MNers.......or a bodyguard for a royal.......or a secret agent.....or an undercover cop.......or a paramedic........or someone really nice and kind who will be missed when he has moved on.

pinkdonkey · 04/09/2016 11:44

Kitty,

We had a lot of mature students in our halls in their 30s and 40s. My DM was horrified when she found out but it was never a problem. You've got no evidence this poor guy is a paedophile or in any way predatory unless he left it in his note! Also did he say he was 50 in this note or are you guessing? Give him a break hes got to endure 5 students for the next 8 weeks!

There will be plenty of other students around and I there will be staff that your daughter can speak to if she has any concerns.

To be fair if I remember right the peer pressure to go out drinking/have sex was just that PEER pressure!

Balletgirlmum · 04/09/2016 11:44

Uni or educational trust owned or managed or designated halls of residence are exempt from council tax.

Wolpertinger · 04/09/2016 11:45

I stay in halls when I have to stay in London because I get buttons for expenses and have to cover it myself. It's the cheapest way to stay. Possibly the flatmate is another professional doing this.

No-one bats an eyelid at the random arrival of a 40 something woman, and I guess they don't when it's random men either - letting vacant rooms is normal for universities.

Balletgirlmum · 04/09/2016 11:46

"The accommodation must be provided mainly for students who are on a further or higher course of education although part of the accommodation may be used for staff or other people."

LakeOfDreams · 04/09/2016 11:46

If you are truly worried then take the opportunity to sit down with your DD and go through with her some personal safety advice. You don't have to make it specifically geared towards this man but general keeping yourself safe around strangers and alcohol.

Fwiw I was in a nursing halls of residence and a lot of our floor were mature students often who'd been through a marriage break up so needed to stay in halls. If anything they looked after the rest of us and would make sure we were back safe

specialsubject · 04/09/2016 11:49

man = paedophile or man = rapist. Dear oh dear...

anyone over 21 stuck living with a bunch of noisy, messy students - my sympathies.

Totallyspies17 · 04/09/2016 11:51

am very well aware what a paedophile is. I used the term as short-hand

Short hand for what? Man?

JustAnotherPoster00 · 04/09/2016 11:52

Vestal Virgin - When was the last time you heard of a case where a man of any age was raped by a woman?

Are you saying men don't get raped by women?

I'd check your sources

OP did he sign the note as Matt (50 peadophile) in true DM fashion?

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