Non student in DDs halls!

[kittybiscuits]

My DD has a place in halls and is moving next week. It was supposed to be a 5 person flat, but her new flatmate visited it this weekend and said it is 6 beds and an adult/non student male has already moved in and left a note saying he will be living there for 8 weeks. I'm not happy about this. She applied on the first day you could apply so it's not a last-minute place for her. Has anyone else encountered this? She thinks it sounds great. I don't.

Accusing people of being "paedophiles" is the reason some of my male academic colleagues will not see a female student (they are all over 18) in their office without the door being left open and at a time when they know the department will be busy.

Once when I was 19, I told my mum I was thinking about being a life model for older friend's art project.

"What if they're a paedophile?!"

"Well, considering I'm an adult, I don't think it'll come up?"

So you don't even know he's 50? You're just adding the age for drama? Has your daughter not really encountered adults from different life experiences from her own?
You've still not said how your daughter feels about this. Surely that's more important than how you feel.

You don't seem to know ANYTHING about this man.
Do you know what age he is, or if he's working, if the uni knows he's there?
Calm down, OP. Your daughter will be able to meet him and she and her flat mates won't be long working out who he is. The students won't be long sorting out any problems.

Thanks for the few sensible posts.

The sensible posts might not be the ones you think they are...

I often stay in student halls when I'm visiting another university town. I work in a university, but I'm not a student. I don't see the problem, unless the extra person has set his bed up in the communal space.

BTW, most universities let out student rooms in the vacations - Christmas, Easter, & summer.

If your dd is concerned she can ring the accomodation office and express her dissatisfaction with the situation. Then maybe they won't book in a different 50yo in eight weeks time.

As an 18yo I wouldn't have liked it much. Not from a pervert pov but I would be looking forward to being 18yo, leaving home for the first time, partying, etc and would be worried having a middle age bloke in the house would spoil the house dynamic.

She's not more vulnerable than other 18 year old new students, Jen, but I think it's fairly obvious that an 18 year old just arrived at university COULD easily be a target for inappropriate attention. Student accommodation is designed to be somewhat safer than privately renting with strangers, because the students have something to lose (place on the course) and the university is easily able to keep track of who they are and things like criminal records and so on. Not the case for any private individual, and so yes, if I were the OP I might be somewhat concerned, albeit with a willingness to keep an open mind and just ask my daughter whether he made her feel comfortable or not.

I think a lot of these comments are harsh, I also have an 18 year old daughter leaving home for halls and I would not be happy about some random person living in same flat as we expect similar aged students in the same boat, first time away from home and you would like to think secure living environment. I would need to know more about that person's situation and why they were there before leaving my daughter there

OP, you have said don't know how old the guy is, what he does or why the Uni have given a temporary space in halls. But you assume he is:
a) an older man
b) a paedophile
c) a danger to your adult daughter

I can understand mild concern that there will be extra flat mate to the 4 your DD expected but you are drama llama-ing this out of all proportion.

If he was a student, a mature student, would that make him less likely to be a sexual predator then?

Why would being older make him more likely to take advantage of 18 year girls than a 18 year old boy

I think a 50 year old would likely be better at self control than a teenage boy

I would be concentrating my efforts on making sure my daughter had skills to cope with people of all ages making unwanted advances
Is she very naive or have you just worked yourself to a state of anxiety?

I do know how you feel. I've got a 19 year old dd

Can't imagine anything worse than having to live with 5 students.

So we have no idea how old this guy is and he'll be moving out quite shortly after your DD moves in.

It doesn't sound like a disaster really.

Confused - did the note say 'I am a middle aged male who has a keen interesting young people?'

Calm down and get in touch with the uni accommodation office if you are so concerned. You may be overreacting a tad IMHO.

• interest in

I sincerely hope that they don't just allow 50 year old paedophiles to book a room with a flat full of 18 year olds

This has to be a wind up, surely? Otherwise, your post is really unacceptable.

OP I don't understand something.

I'm assuming this isn't female only halls of residence.

Do you have a problem with this person just because he is a non-student/potentially older and therefore in your mind he must be a pervert/creep etc?

You are aware that students can also be perverts/paedophiles (not that that would apply to your DD, being of uni age) and can also pose a threat to her?

Calling someone a paedophile is a very dangerous accusation, I suggest you calm yourself down.

To be blunt it's the male freshers she's more at danger from

Most of them will be lovely though. Some will be arseholes - she needs to be able to deal with the arseholes - whatever their age or occupation.

Maybe somewhere else on MN, a distressed mother is posting about her innocent, worker bee son having to spend 8 weeks living in the vice den of a coven of feckless, drug taking, sex crazed 18 year old vixens students who will doubtless corrupt him and force him into group sex.

I understand why you are worried, but in the end, a male student is much more likely to be able to rape your daughter by coercion.

A 50 year old, or like, anyone over 30 would have to outright attack her, as she's not going to want a relationship with him.
And we know that the stranger danger rapist is much more likely to land in prison.

So, it's not all that dangerous. But I understand your feelings; you have calmed yourself down about this by telling yourself that all the men living there are innocent young students, who are there for university, not molesting girls, and then there's this guy.

I'm with Wendy - think you're getting a hard time OP. I'd be concerned too. In a student halls you expect them to be all in first years together, at my Uni (1 million years ago) all the first years were together.

That said 8 weeks is short, if there are any concerns over this man and his behaviour she has the University to back her up (and 4 others in her flat to corroborate) so I'd be very surprised if there were actually an issue.

Of course there's nothing odd about the OP (or her DD) being irritated that the accommodation isn't as advertised (if that's the case), or that there will be a non-student there, which changes the dynamic.

What is odd is leaping to the conclusion the man is a sexual threat, using the term 'paedophile' as a 'shorthand' (for what, exactly?), and refusing to give any details that might contextualise any of this.

They're all "random" people in the flats in halls when they first get there, fgs. DS2 was put in a flat with international students in their late 20's, and a couple of other 18 yos. At Christmas they moved out and some more international students moved in. No one in that flat, or the rest of that hall where other international students lived, gave a flying fuck. They embraced the experience.

When was the note dated?
He could have moved in any time and be gone before they know it