Non student in DDs halls!

[kittybiscuits]

My DD has a place in halls and is moving next week. It was supposed to be a 5 person flat, but her new flatmate visited it this weekend and said it is 6 beds and an adult/non student male has already moved in and left a note saying he will be living there for 8 weeks. I'm not happy about this. She applied on the first day you could apply so it's not a last-minute place for her. Has anyone else encountered this? She thinks it sounds great. I don't.

[JenLindleyShitMom]

I did an access course a few years ago. It was all mature students. Mid twenties-forties. They all passed and took up university places. Many going to halls of residence. All men

What a depressing thread.

[APlaceOnTheCouch]

I can see why you were surprised. You thought by moving into halls, your DD would be living with people of a similar age and at a similar life stage. Now you're worried because that doesn't seem to be the case.
Since your DD is comfortable with it then I think the best option is to support her. Let her know she can come to you with any problems or concerns.Don't make this an issue where you push her onto a different 'side' from you. This is your chance to show you trust her judgement.
As a PP said, if you have any concerns about the legality (eg number of people; number of rooms; health and safety) of the situation then encourage your DD to check with the student accommodation office.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Yes I would have some concerns about a random older man spoiling the vibe and possibly making people feel intimidated. I think the University are rather out of order.

I suppose you have to give him the benefit of the doubt though. One of DS's flatmates in was first year was a very cool 30 year old mature student. He kind of guided them all in the ways of partying and drinking safely and looking out for each other and sharing a communal space considerately. He got them all cooking Sunday lunch together every week for example. Basically he was like a nice big brother.

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

If her other student flat mates are all female, I could understand this being inappropriate. If she is in mixed halls, then how is it any different? Just because someone is a student, doesn't mean they aren't a threat to others. Just because someone isn't a student, doesn't mean they are a 50 year old paedophile. That is very presumptuous. I think you added that so others would jump in and agree with your unecessary outrage.

[frenchielala]

It may be some sort of 'trusted professional' I know a lawyer who often stays at uni houses when he goes to court or training around the country as they are the only places his expenses will cover, especially in more expensive cities

[sandragreen]

Did the man put his age on the note? "Kind regards, Matt (age 50)" Or is this more "shorthand", like "paedophile"?

OP you do realise that university students are all ages don't you? Do you actually think that everyone one your DDs course/halls will be 18?

What is it that makes him a paedophile? Is it his gender? So you want DD to be in female only halls? Is it the fact he is over 18? So you want DD to be at a uni that doesn't accept mature students? Or is the fact he isn't a student? So men who aren't students are paedophiles?

You sound utterly ridiculous. I bet your DD can't wait to get away from you.

[VestalVirgin]

Maybe somewhere else on MN, a distressed mother is posting about her innocent, worker bee son having to spend 8 weeks living in the vice den of a coven of feckless, drug taking, sex crazed 18 year old vixens students who will doubtless corrupt him and force him into group sex.

When was the last time you heard of a case where a man of any age was raped by a woman?
Seriously, that mother, if she exists, is paranoid.

OP is not. OP has just managed to have rose tinted classes about her daughter living with male students, but her worries about non-student males and their motives to live with students, are perfectly reasonable.

[PuppyMonkey]

Well do you know what OP, I think it sounds a bloody odd set up too.

[Waitingfordolly]

I think you're getting a hard time too OP, though I guess to some extent it depends on the layout of the accommodation and how much time they're likely to spend in their flats versus in other communal areas. When I went to Uni (years ago) accommodation was on single sex corridors with shared bathrooms etc. I'm not sure that I would have liked it as an 18 yo but then I would probably just have ignored him.

Part of this I guess is about expectation - I wouldn't have expected someone from outside the Uni to be in halls. As well as talking to the accommodation office you / she could try the Students' Union welfare officer or women's officer who might have experience of this issue.

[TikTakTok]

Obviously the guy might be lovely but I don't think any of my DCs would have liked someone ancient in their halls. I think the boys would have felt the same about a 50 year old female or male.

It just changes the dynamics doesn't it?

Older undergrads or postgrads are usually housed separately to the younger students.

[Lightbulbon]

People on this thread are being obtuse.

Halls are for students!

This man may or may not be a sexual predator.

But if someone was a sexual predator going to live in halls would give easy access to prey.

Fwiw a girl in my halls was raped there by a flatmate, who had previously been accused of rape but was still allowed to live there.

If school janitors get police checks then so should people living in halls.

[JenLindleyShitMom]

Yes I would have some concerns about a random older man spoiling the vibe

You have no idea If he is older or that he will "spoil the vibe" the vibe!! FYI there will be older students there.

[SharkBastard]

Thing is OP doesn't even know his age yet assumes he's a 50 year old paedophile?! What a bizarre leap from a simple note.

I can see why your daughter might be a slightly nervous child

[Cashewnutts]

lightbilb just to be clear, all people living in halls? Or just men? Or just older men?

You do realise ANYONE can be a sexual predator? Young, old, male, female?

[Trifleorbust]

"If she is in mixed halls, then how is it any different? Just because someone is a student, doesn't mean they aren't a threat to others."

Of course not, but it is still different. It is not a ridiculous scenario that an older person with a dubious interest in very young women (or men!) might target student accommodation, where there is likely to be a group of fairly naive, frequently inebriated young people. With other students, you at least have some confidence that they have a very reasonable motivation for applying to rent the room. With a non-student that is still very probably the case, but you can't have the same level of confidence about that. It is slightly more plausible that they are a creep wanting to live with a gang of young girls. I still wouldn't assume it because that's unfair, but I would wonder about it until I met the person.

[BlancheBlue]

Sounds like the OP doesn't know if the person is mature student or post doc/researcher or similar. When I was at uni there were plenty of older people around - both mature students and researchers

[JenLindleyShitMom]

Ffs this guy could be a 21 year old newly graduated guy whose own accommodation fell through and his former university is helping him out until his new place is ready!

[Stellabystarlight]

Well as a parent my only concern on hearing about this would be potential council tax liability.

But since it's presumably been arranged by the university accommodations services what on earth difference does it make? In these sort of flats all the rooms have own locks anyway and there's probably far more chance of having a problem with a student room mate letting loose having just moved out of home than a temporary working adult one might assume?

Or of course he's a sex pest. Seriously?

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Yes I would have some concerns about a random older man spoiling the vibe

You have no idea If he is older or that he will "spoil the vibe" hmm the vibe!! grin grin grin FYI there will be older students there.

Er yes I know that; I gave an example of an older student in the rest of my post.

What is so funny about "vibe"? Do we have vocabulary police now or something? Or are you about 12?

[SharkBastard]

NO ONE KNOWS HIS AGE!

Utterly pointless speculation. OP why don't you get a better picture before enabling your child's nervousness and spreading accusations that are clearly unfounded and in fact plucked out of nowhere

[YawningKasm]

a male student is much more likely to be able to rape your daughter by coercion

Indeed - I've had too many conversations with my female undergrads which confirm this. Some 18/19 yo young men can be vicious & coercive. The harassment my female students seem to take for granted as what they "have" to deal with is shocking.

[SirChenjin]

If these are private halls then anyone can book them. DS's private halls had non-students staying in them - and everyone was just fine.

[sealsandbeachballs]

I'm a bit baffled.
A. I went to uni at 30. I would have rather eaten my own eyeballs than lived in halls but plenty did.

I'm pretty sure the guy has a legitimate reason. His eight weeks could have been across the holidays? Son unis rent them out.

I'm struggling to see how the daughter Is more at risk of rape from this man who could be any age than 19 year old males though?

[Beeziekn33ze]

Titchy - what about the 2nd years? Very naice universities have been known to have 'fcuk a fresher' contests. The fine young gentlemen of one Oxford college were a little miffed when a female 2nd year claimed the prize!