New Uni starters 2015 (continued from Preparing for Uni)

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Thought we needed a new thread to continue from preparation.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/2466997-Preparing-for-Uni-in-2015-continues

Suspect all have arrived by now...

QuietlyGoing. That must be so upsetting for you. How long has she been there?

How are her flat Mates?

Hi - she started 13th September so this is week 4! She says she is so lonely and her anxiety levels are high and the anxiety is 'telling her things are going to be bad'! She says she is scared to go to the library just in case people laugh at her - she is a biggish girl size 16/18 but is also 5ft 9. She has a counsellor (been seeing her for 2 yrs on and off - nearly had a 2nd mortgage to pay for that!) who is going to do a Skype call with her this week so hopefully that will calm her a little! I'm still crying - probably because it's been a bad week (had wisdom tooth out/dd2 has relapsed and crashed - dx of CFS/ME) And its period week!!! I want my mum!!! XXXX

Quietly. I'm sorry you're upset, it's worrying when they're away from home and unhappy. Has your DD spoken to Student Welfare at uni?

Quietly I'm sorry your Dd and you are having a tough time. It's so hard when all you want to do is fix it all for them and make it better.

Minmooch and Haffdonga - have your DS' settled into their course more this week? Have you been able to see them at all? I think DD may be in the same place but she hasn't mentioned meeting any famous people's DC!
DD has survived another week. She is socialising every night so is probably over tired and is homesick. I visited her earlier in the week and she is coming home later today for the night although has arranged to go out with friends. Several of her close friends are still at home which is probably not helping. She has 'gate crashed' a couple of lectures on another Stem course but after making enquires has been told they are not accepting any transfers. She has seen her course tutor who was lovely and she has agreed to give it another month before making any decision about leaving. She did have an appointment to see an advisor in the students union as well but has cancelled that for now.
Quietly - can you go and visit your DD or can she come home for a night? It's hard when they are homesick.

Oh dear Quietly

Has your DD looked at getting support from the Uni. Everyone's experience is difference but our experience and thatvof a couple of friends (all different unis) has been excellent.
....but the DC have to be proactive about it which is obviously not always easy if you are struggling.

Quietly - how difficult for you all. Can she access counselling support at the university? It could help her to have people to talk to there. Have you listened to the woman's hour episodes from this week (Marianne linked to them up thread)? If not have a listen and you will see that she is not on her own in feeling like this. It might be good for your dd to listen, too.

Quietly for you and your dd.

I spoke at last to DS last night. He said he had a good meeting with his tutor and wants to stay on the course. At the moment his course is 4 years including a year out in industry. He says he may change to a 3 year course but he doesn't have to make his mind up for a long time. His Dad and step mum have gone up today. They stopped by to pick up a few things that DS wanted and I added in a home made banana loaf!

I spoke to the person in charge of his house. Apologised, said I didn't want to be an interfering mum but wanted someone there to know he is struggling and that there is possible bereavement/grief in the mix. I asked him not to tell DS I had been in touch. He said he would inform the pastoral care team and they would keep an eye on him. Feel guilty for ringing but relieved that someone might just keep an eye out for him.

He wants to come home for a few days during reading week but doesn't want to commit to the whole week at home. I'll take that as a good sign.

Min, that does sound much more positive. Am glad your DS is finding his way through those first wobbles. Also I admire you for having the courage to phone the house; that can't have been an easy decision. Seems to me like good mothering though and not interfering at all!

Glad he seems on a more even keel Min.

Hello again - I was on the other threads under a different name

Ds came home last weekend but spent virtually the whole time at his girlfriend's house

I drove him to the station and he cheerily said he'd call me the next day and that was the last we've heard from him. We did actually have a couple of things we need to talk to him about so I'm feeling a bit miffed

I hope all the posters with struggling DC are feeling a bit better this weekend

From the little I could glean from ds1 last weekend he seems to be enjoying his course and has a group of friends from his halls and his course. The novelty of being on crutches has well and truly worn off though ...

min that sounds more positive with DS. Good on you for ringing the uni xx

Quietly poor you and DD. How upsetting

Noit how long has DS got to go on crutches now?

DS
has only just got up, he still feels rough.

Glad things seem to be improving for your DS Minmooch

Mumslife getting the one sided conversations here too, but of course their lives are so much more interesting.

Quietly can you DD get any counselling at Uni, or is it only her own counsellor she will speak to?

This is DDs first full weekend alone at Uni (with BF all or part of the last 2) and sounds a bit lonely, as lots seem to have parents visiting. She's home next w/e, so says catching up on her chores.
Seems reasonably OK, but think she's struggling looking after herself. Not sure she's eating properly either, their lot not cooking as a flat and she can't be bothered to cook every day.

Sorry to hear some DCs are struggling. Hope they can settle and feel happier - I forget how big a change this is.

DS came home yesterday (for cousin's wedding this weekend). He's enjoying himself, made some friends, joined some clubs. Apparently he is the only one in his flat that cooks proper meals (the others use the Dominos that is handily outside the entrance to the halls). As we only taught him to cook this summer, I am amazed!

MrsB I spoke with someone from Stinkyink for advice about buying a printer - I wanted to be able to buy cheap refills of individual colours. She advised buying an Epson so I got DD an Epson XP325 from Amazon £42 here - it's white and, despite being a scanner and copier too, is really nice and neat.

Quietly

Update on the awful party that got out of hand:

DD and fellow freshers have received emails off the master and senior tutors apologising for being exposed to such awful behaviour.

A full investigation is under way and welfare teams have been called in. The student newspaper got hold of the story and it was blaming the freshers themselves. However all staff have repeatedly stated it was not the fault of freshers and have encouraged them to provide information to aid the investigation. All in all I think the folk up at the top are embarrassed and will certainly want to make an example of someone asap.

Sorry to hear that so many are still having a hard time (here & in RL). Hopefully things will improve.

Am slightly disappointed that dd hasn't come home this weekend. Two friends have their daughters back for the weekend. I thought she might come as it's dh's birthday

It's eye-opening how many of our dcs (and how many of their mums) have had very similar wobbles. Best of wishes to all those who are going through it.

I wonder how many of our dcs recognise that there are others dealing with the same problems as them. They don't really know each other yet and I guess they're all outwardly acting the friendly, social person a little. I bet it feels like everybody else in their uni is having a fantastic time with no hint of homesickness or anxiety and they feel as if they're the only ones who are going back to their rooms and having a quiet crisis. I bet 90% of the smiles they see are actually masks that slip a bit in private (or on the phone to mum).

Decorhate - yes I think we are in the same place . DS has seemed happier with his course this week. They were doing new stuff which he found interesting rather than re hashing A level and he likes his tutor. (Mind you, we've had minimal contact so I'm trying to read between the lines of his texts.)

Ds was so adamant that he wouldn't be homesick or want to come home before going that I think he feels like he can't admit to missing us, but he did say a bit plaintively When are you going to come and see me? so we're planning to go next week and take him out for a meal.

minmooch sounds like you pitched it just right phoning as you did. It is important that someone knows, and the person you spoke to seems mature and receptive.

Thanks coatandhat - still googling all the options so that is very helpful.

Almost finished decorating dd's bedroom although we can hardly move upstairs as the contents of her room are everywhere else! Ds is very excited about moving in there tomorrow.

Visited DD today, officially to pick up a suitcase we need. Took her out to lunch and did some clothes shopping. She said first two weeks she was a bit down but is settling now. She's found some like-minded friends, joined gaming group, learned the rules of a complicated drinking game! But says she still sits outside a room terrified of going in, of engaging with new people who all seem to know each other - and she is funny, friendly, and looks amazing! IMHO. She says she's getting better at staying up late - but doesn't go out on school nights. Allegedly. Feel reasonably happy about her now. It's never easy - life is difficult, our lives are difficult, our DCs' aren't going to be much different! Hugs to all and your DCs. Hope they all find life getting easier as time goes on.