New Uni starters 2015 (continued from Preparing for Uni)

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Thought we needed a new thread to continue from preparation.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/2466997-Preparing-for-Uni-in-2015-continues

Suspect all have arrived by now...

Got rung up by DFIL last night - there was an item on their local news about students 'going on the rampage' in DS uni town, and he wanted to check that DS was not involved. Apparently it was after a student-organised pub crawl ending in a club at 3am, so we were able to reassure him it was not DS's sort of thing.
Rang DS today and he has confirmed he wasn't involved - in fact he admitted not having got as far as the town centre yet! But then the uni campus is on the edge of town, with a big Tescos nearby for shopping, so if he is not interested in clubbing there has been no need for him to go there so far.

Anyone have any ideas how to resolve this?

My DS has not made friends on his course.

He has good friends in halls and football team but 130 on course , 30 in a tutorial, large lectures - can't seem to break into a group.

He is going to ask his personal tutor about study groups. We're going to try and find a facebook page for him tonight.

Any ideas?

voilets DS sticks with his housemates (one of them on his course - but he went to school and college with him).

yes PUG, a friend says her son does the same.

Trouble is, if you have a problem with some of the work, who do you talk to?

any ideas would be most helpful

Violets my ds is the same (also on a course of hundreds) but I haven't worried yet because he seems to have made a good bunch of mates through halls. Is your ds worried about it himself?

I imagine they'll end up being put in groups for various projects or exercises and course mates will happen naturally.

Is there a society for his subject with pub crawls outings he can go on?

I would second Haffdonga's suggestion - join the society for the subject he is studying. He should then meet the people from his course in smaller groups/more social setting.

My DS is on a course where they have practical lab sessions, so I expect he will make 'work' friends there, but is can be more difficult for a course where they do individual work, especially if the seminars/tutorial groups are still large.

thank you. I'll get him to check into that.

yes, it is worrying him a little. He sees people talking and sitting together in lectures and he has only a few people he says hello to.

It is the only thing that bothers him at mo. Otherwise, all good.

voilets I guess DS would ask his tutor? I dunno. Although one thing in DS's favour... DH is in the same field so he could ask him. When he came home a couple of weeks ago they did discuss a couple of things.

Tell him to sit in the same place in lectures. Most people will do the same so it will make him sit near the same group on a regular basis. Choose a group he likes the look of! Mix mix mix. Use contacts of his housemates friends. Eventually he will bump into someone on his course that he has met out side of the course.

I think it takes longer to make course friends than living accommodation friends, so it's early days.

good idea Headofthehive. Will talk to him about this.

voilets it does take longer I think to make 'course' friends - thankfully one of the girls ds is friendly with from his halls is doing the same combination as he is so he's got someone to sit next to in lectures

They've also got study groups for each subject (joint honours) so I'm hoping he'll make friends through that too

Otherwise all the suggestions others have made - good luck to him

Had a bit of an upsetting call from ds the other day- he's coming home in a couple of weeks- it's his brother's birthday but he's planning to spend virtually the entire weekend with his girlfriend- he wanted me to give him a lift from the station to her house on Friday afternoon (completely forgetting that I would be at work), then he's having lunch with her on Saturday, going to see the Bond film and going out with her family in the evening. On the Sunday he wanted to go up to the south bank with her and then swing by home briefly before scrounging a lift back to the station. When I queried these plans and asked if he was going to spend any time at all with us he blithely said he had much more fun with his girlfriend and her family

I think I would be withholding the lifts, Noitsnot! Or tell him to get his girlfriend's family to do taxi duty.

I hope he has a rethink.

noitsnot sorry to hear this!! I thought by now teens would be out of their bubbles! Hope he has a rethink and spend some time with you and his family - I certainly wouldn't be giving lifts either!!

Hmm noits, my DS is coming home next w/e and has an itinerary that doesn't include us either.

Arrives late Fri night - we have to drive over an hour to collect him from the station.
He's insisting he needs the car to go to work on Sat PM (he doesn't - we're happy to give him a lift as car will be sat at his work when we could really do with having it ourselves). He's also made plans to go into our local city on Sunday and then by the time he gets home it will be time to depart for the station for his return journey.
We'll not see much of him, that's for sure.

I've put my foot down about him borrowing the car as DH needs to ferry footy playing DS2 to a match and he's not getting in my pristine car after a match!! That's why we use the 'messy' car

Gypsy and MrsH hope your DD get better soon and are enjoying some TLC at home.

Voilets and Noits I think it depends on the course.
DD seems to have the opposite problem - plenty of friends on course, but not from halls. They get along OK but little in common and all keep very different hours. Probably not helped by being away most weekends so far.

She has joined subject society, so also made friends in higher years, but only between about 40 and 60 in each year.

Would definitely recommend joining the subject societies, or other societies that may attract from subject.

Noits that does sound disappointing, hope he gets to spend some time with his brother too. Would think the GFs family would have something to say too. Also would be inclined to withhold lifts.

Hope all those with DC home this w/e have a great time and DC get sent back recharged and raring to go.

We have had dd home for the weekend. She has also been socialising. Her bf made a spontaneous trip up from London yesterday when he knew she was home. I'm sure his parents were pleased to see him and I didn't mind dd visiting them last night. I was a little surprised to find his boots in the hall when dh and I got back late from a concert, goodness knows what time he left.

We're taking her back shortly and he is spending tonight with her before returning to London tomorrow. I was hoping she would have caught up on some sleep this weekend.... I guess that's not going to happen!

my Ds just gone back. Getting a lift from a flatmates mum in London and they are all travelling back together which is nice.

Have reassured Ds it takes time to make friends on course and have supplied him with wisdom on here.

When they come home, they do want to see friends too - it is hard but they do move away from us at this stage, only to return I hope when they are settled adults and want support - with babysitting maybe!

I did get a walk in the woods with my DS today. A first. He used to worry about bumping into school peers. He didn't want lunch with us though - we made him feel guilty, then let him go - was talking to friends online

They are flying the nest but me as mum is still worried at home !

Dd was a bit sad about going back but we broke it down as you have done mums life. Two weeks until reading week and she's coming home for a friends 18th. At the end of reading week her boyfriend is coming back up. Then it only 4 weeks until the Christmas break, I'm guessing the work will be piling up and the celebrations will kick in.

We will definitely visit before Christmas and her sister will too. I think a weekend at home has de-stressed her a little bit. A bit of kind advice, reluctantly received, will hopefully help a bit too.

I found that my older DDs definitely wanted to spend time with friends when they came home in the holidays for the first couple of years at uni but after that only really good home friendships survived. I've had long chats DD1(24) and DD2(22) today about what's going on in their lives and a one sentence reply from DS. He is enjoying himself too much to have much contact with us ( and will probably be unbearable during the Christmas holidays) but they do come back in the end.

My DD visits home roughly every 3 weeks as she is very homesick and we did a visit inbetween the first 3 weeks as she was really upset. Hoping as time goes on and she becomes more settled then she will manage longer periods without calling home in tears! She is home now for reading week (no work happening so far!) x

it does get easier mumslife I miss my DD too, but I am fortunate we get on very well and she wants to come home lots. In fact she wants to be more at home and within the family much more than she did a couple of years ago, when her friends were far more interesting than us.

It's a bit like when they start school and the house is very quiet, but after a couple of terms you realise they come home mid afternoon and the day doesn't seem so long. In this case one year in the term doesn't seem quite so long, and I'm well aware she will be home for Christmas. Takes a bit of getting used to though!

I found it does get easier mumslife.

We saw DS yesterday. DH and I are not far from him for a wedding (which is today). We went to his flat, he apologised before hand about the state of the kitchen - he was worried over nothing! Whilst the work surface was a bit messy, iron left out, bread out, it certainly wasn't what I was expecting. His room was tidy. He had two hoodies on his airer. Says he washes them every week after going out as they smell of "going out and alcohol".

He finishes on the 10th Dec but reckons he won't be back until about the 17th when everyone else is going home.

voilets I asked what he would do if he didn't understand the work and he said he is on a FB page for his subject and would ask on there, he is also on a FB page for his accommodation and said he would use that too.

It was really great to see him and he enjoyed having a decent meal out. Was also lovely to just sit and have a conversation with him.

DD is recovering and heading back tomorrow. I'm doing the drive there and back in a day again and am being very firm about hitting the road by mid afternoon to avoid too much driving in the dark.

She's very wobbly about her subjects and catching up but I'm hoping that once she's back in the thick of it she will be ok.

I don't know if we will see her again before term ends. I've promised that she can pop home anytime but as she's got a few sporting and volunteering Committments over the weekends I'm hoping that maybe she can hang on till the 18th Dec!