Preparing for Uni in 2015 continues...

[Chillywhippet]

New thread

Old one here with loads of info

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/2408327-Preparing-for-Uni-in-2015

OMG Fanny, my dd is at pontipridd might just give her a ring.

That is really shocking news about Cardiff. I think one of DS's (female) friends was going there.

emsie, I'm sure your DD will be in touch; they can be incredibly self absorbed at this age.

Just rung her up and they have all had a talk about personal safety and have been given alarms for when they are out.

That's terrible about Cardiff, I'm sure DD has at least one friend there too, and was one of her 5.

Emsie Hope you hear from your DD soon. Agree with Horsemad they are pretty self-centred at that age.
Although a fair bit of contact here, it's all about what she's doing. Obviously her life far more exciting than anything DH or I could be doing. But would be nice if she could take a bit of interest in DD2,who is feeling incredibly left out.

Circular I remember reading an article last year about how younger siblings are affected when the older one flew the nest. Can be hard for them too - they won't remember a time when they weren't around.

Don't think DS2 has even noticed that DS1 has gone...

I am supposed to be on my final uni run of the Autumn but am really concerned about it. DS1 postgrad went off fine although her house is extremely modest, no bottoms in the drawers an old bed a tiny IKEA skinny wardrobe , a dirt room and bathroom but that was it.
I took DS1 the youngest and he is in a house because there was no room in halls. He sounds like he is having the time of his life. When I talked to him he had cooked his housemates a roast dinner and was reducing down tomato sauce to use the next day and to freeze!
However DD2 who doesn't live with us has vanished. She is supposed to be moving to Wales today to go into 2nd year. We gather something has gone off at home. DD2 is a sweetheart but her home life is a nightmare. She is really capable and has texted to say she is ok but things were so bad she had to leave.

The other day Dh asked ds2 "do you miss him?"

Ds2: "who?"

Fletcherl, that sounds worrying. Hope all OK with your DD2, do you have any idea where she might have gone?

Noitsnot sounds a bit like my DS!

DD2 did have the 'I can't wait till DD1's gone' attitude. But she's a funny impressionable age, and although they fight all the time, had really only recently started to confide in her sister about teenage stuff.
Last night, she was curled up in a chair in the living room with her headphones on, DH watching TV. I went in to show DH a photo DD1 had sent (he doesn't do gadgets, so they all come to me lol). DD2 looke duo and said 'so even now she's gone, it still has to be all about HER'.
Yet she's been messaging her sister off her own accord.

Appreciate DD2may need a bit of extra TLC but can't help feeling there's a bit of attention seeking going on as well.

Hope your DD2 is OK Fletcher and gets to Uni safely

Hope everything turns out OK with you DD2 Fletcher.

The whole Cardiff thing is awful and very worrying.

DD1 couldn't wait for DS1 to leave, they hate each other but after a few days she admitted she was 'kinda' missing him but I think it was more in the 'it's weird he's not here' way. DD2 and DS2 haven't seemed bothered to be honest.

Did everyone pay for accident insurance? DS1 doesn't have much expensive stuff, even his phone is a cheapy but he does have his laptop. Is it worth it and how much did you pay, if you don't mind saying.

RE insurance, been looking into it but not done so yet.
More for musical instruments.
Can either upgrade the halls policy, or take out separate. The latter is looking better as more flexible and can add to it when new stuff bought.
DD has old laptop that she will replace quite soon, once she knows all the software she will need to run.

Emsie I'm sorry you feel low. I surprised myself by bursting into sobs when ds, after several days of non contact, sent a chatty text to dh but only a one word answer to me . I know it was just an issue of timing (turns out dh had texted him wishing him good luck for an event he was attending 2 minutes before I did the same so ds just replied to the first message) but I was so hurt.

Then last night he rang for a few snatched minutes while going from one friend's flat to another and he just sounded so happy and excited that I stopped feeling hurt or disappointed. In fact, when I asked if he'd been busy he answered ' Of course! Why do you think I haven't texted you? I just haven't had a single moment. I'm having such a great time! '

Speaking for myself, I've spent the past 2 years helping ds get to this point, supporting with homework, uni visits, UCAS forms, revision etc etc then the whole results, celebrations, shopping and packing thing (plus he got ill midway through). It's been very intense. Along the way we're good friends too and enjoy a close chatty relationship. Then suddenly - he's GONE and so is my part time 'job' of supporting him. I honestly feel redundant and lonely . But I'm damned if I'm going to let ds know that. This is the fulfillment of that support and I know when the dust and broken glass of Freshers week dies down, ds will still need me.

Fucking hard though, isn't it? {hug} (and I never do hugs )

haffdonga you've hit the nail on the head about supporting them to get where they are now and then it suddenly being over. And I totally understand the feeling hurt by communication with dh over you (as it feels).

I just wish she would let me know she's OK. But I know really that she is and that living her new life is so much more exciting than reporting back on it to us.

Dd1 & dd2 both said they wouldn't miss each other, and I haven't even bothered to ask dd2 if she is missing dd1, as I would just find the answer too depressing. Better not to hear it expressed out loud.

Anyway, thanks for the sympathy and support, and although I wish none of us were feeling down, I'm glad I'm not the only one. I'm deliberately avoiding one of my friends whose dd has also gone away, as I'm sure her & her dd will have had lovely chats every day and I just don't want to hear it.

My ds is in his 3rd week and I can honestly say, whilst i still miss him hugely, it does get easier. I've stopped trying to second guess what he might be doing and worrying if he's got back safely after a night out.

I wondered if anyone had done a supermarket delivery yet to their dcs? It's ds's birthday soon and I want to send him a cake and some bottles of fizz for him and his flatmates. I haven't had supermarket deliveries at home for years but have a vague recollection of them coming in open crates. The reception at ds's hall will take in parcels but I'm wondering how it will work with groceries. Will Sainsbury's or wherever be happy to leave stuff at reception or will they insist on delivering it to ds's door? The chances of him being in when the delivery is made are probably slim!

Maybe I don't feel bereft because dd did everything herself. I never went to a uni visit, saw her personal statement or really had any input in her A levels.
She starts her job on Sunday so that will be interesting.
Havent had a text or call since Tuesday so I'm assuming all is fine.

I think it does depend on how involved you were previously.

On a more positive note for you all, my DD wants to be around our family much more these days, actively wants to be with us. It's as if they need to go away, find themselves and then they come back.

Circular we took out separate insurance with cover4students including her musical instrument, laptop and phone. It also covers theft from the room if she hasn't locked it.

Thanks Hellsbells have a feeling they are the company that cover DDs halls. Was also looking at Endsleigh, on my to do list for this w/e.

I posted this morning but the post hasn't appeared.

It sounds as though DCs are generally ok but parents bereft - Haffdonga I agree with you about being with them all along the way, through lows and highs, and having a pretty good relationship at the end of it all, for it to suddenly become cut off.

We have arrived at DS's university town and are in our respective rooms. DD is on her way to join us for dinner and to give her her birthday presents (it is her birthday tomorrow). DS is excited, but admitted this morning that he had been feeling sad about leaving home, then thought he will be back in a month for his birthday then in another month after that for a family event, then only a few weeks until Christmas so he would be ok (and so, by implication, I should be too). I don't feel ok, although I do share his excitement at this new stage in his life.

I am trying to remind myself that I do still have my DCs, they are still in this country, and are alive. But it feels a bit like a bereavement.