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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD - PART 4

566 replies

madeinkent · 29/01/2015 13:15

DD and her friends secured their house yesterday. There are 5 of them, and a new house came on, and they dashed over to see it, and then straight on to the Letting Agents to confirm they wanted to take it. As they were filling out the forms another group came in wanting the same property, and both groups' details were sent to the Landlord who confirmed they'd let it to DD and her friends. Small matter of immediate deposit of £430 plus agent's fee of £180 (per person). She's given our names and details as guarantors, and says it will just be for her room, not for the whole house! Presume we'll get something through the post soon and will need to check it carefully. She's in Catered Halls this year, which she has really been enjoying, but this should be much cheaper even though it still seems quite expensive.

That sounds about right for what DS was doing in the summer last year, he left it until late and then just slotted in with whoever, and it has worked very well for their household. I wasn't surprised they asked him for a retainer, just that he had to do it so early. The whole thing has been interesting to watch.

OP posts:
RustyBear · 07/10/2016 23:25

Nice to see this is still going - I started the first 'Empty Nest' thread when DS went to Warwick -10 years ago this week!
Hope all the new empty nesters find it as useful as I did!

Squirrills · 08/10/2016 09:35

Ah, I lost this thread. There is a fresher's 2016 threads which is pretty much an empty nest thread. I've posted on there as DS2 has gone now and so now it's just DH and me.
Lovely to hear the updates. DS1 has gone into his third year now. He seems happier in his flat share and his course so far.
What's he doing now rusty ten years on?

RustyBear · 08/10/2016 13:24

He works for a major publisher in London, Squirrills - don't know if I should really, say which one, but I am looking forward to getting a nice discount on the new illustrated Chamber of Secrets....

mumeeee · 08/10/2016 14:40

Well DD3 has been home since July due to go back to university in January.
She has been filling in her disability form and trying to sort out accommodation. Apparently there are second semester halls. It feels a bit like we are starting again only this time she's sorting everything out herself

madeinkent · 08/10/2016 17:25

Now that is definitely something I don't miss - having to help with finding accommodation. DS has had to charge all over the uk this year with his holiday job, finding accommodation for that and for term time. He is finding it hard work in his house though - all the new boys have come straight from Halls, where they have not had to do much cooking, cleaning or laundry and DS and the poor girl who are still there are having a taste of how it feels to be a parent. Grin He says some nights he can't even get to the sink or the bins! And it sounds as if recycling has gone out of fashion, which is very sad.

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Notsoskinnyminny · 09/10/2016 14:13

That's great news Doilook and must take a lot of pressure off.

made I love the role reversal Grin

DDs still not speaking to her friend so we had drama and tears when the friend and 2 others walked into a lecture together. Thankfully the others are living in another building (the 4 of them had planned to share in final year) as things are still very awkward in DDs flat and I know she won't attempt to make the peace when the other person's at fault. This time I'm in her corner, the incident happened in our house and the reaction from other guests afterwards ranged from how rude to wtf. I'm just sorry I didn't witness it or that no-one told me at the time as I might've been able to do something to salvage their friendship but its probably better I didn't know - bloody girls Grin

Dizzydora71 · 20/10/2016 15:26

Hi I'm a newbie to this thread.My last child went off to uni 4 weeks ago and have no other children in the house . I work full time but it's the first experience having no kids at home in 24 years . I just don't know what to do with myself .Im that bored I'm even decluttering the house .Ive done 8 black bags in 4 weeks .God knows what I'm going to do when I finish decluttering lol .

madeinkent · 22/10/2016 20:46

It took me a long time to realise that it wasn't just the children I missed, it was the job of caring for them. I still buy food for them without thinking, and try to load my poor DS up with it when he pops back for a weekend once a semester. He is here this weekend, and has just firmly declined all foodstuffs in advance of my offer. Grin This is actually because he has decided to try to take his guitar and mini amp back on the train with him and would rather not be accompanied by a giant pack of cereal and family size pack of crisps, jars of jam, pickle and marmalade, plus bacon and cheese!

But every time he leaves again I am still sad for a day or two, the house is just too quiet and no longer feels alive.

He is really happy to be at home, he is finding his new housemates a bit of a trial this year, they are the sort who play computer games at full volume whilst attempting to listen to their favourite bands, also at full volume. If he asks them to turn it down, they do - then back up again not long after. If nothing else, uni life teaches them to live and co-operate with all sorts of people, and they eventually become far more appreciative of their own home, I think. Well - mine are!

OP posts:
voilets · 24/10/2016 22:42

Thought I'd read some posts. Have been ignoring it.

But here i am year 2 and realise i find it difficult to leave DS just to get on with it

As said up thread, i need to care.Smile

BailiskStare · 28/10/2016 19:11

Good luck to all. I have had a rubbish couple of weeks but DS coming home for the weekend - he put in an advance order for steak and chips so have been and bought a steak roughly the size of Brazil for him. He does seem more grown up than last year. He has his own unit of time now. When this time last year I asked him how long till he came home for the Christmas holidays he would express it in weeks. This year when I asked him it was "five essays hence ". Thank goodness the world normally works by the clock - much easier to understand.

BasiliskStare · 29/10/2016 07:35

I do rather realise I am talking to myself here but DS when asked what he would like to do this weekend said he'd really rather like a lie in and to "do some sleeping" Smile

Dizzydora71 · 29/10/2016 21:16

BasiliskStare My daughter has been back for the week from uni .Shes done a mixture of sleeping in , writing essays and a couple of shifts in the care home she previously worked at. I've noticed that she has definitely grown in confidence in last 5 weeks which is lovely to see.

hellsbells99 · 30/10/2016 07:48

Basilisk - you are not talking to yourself!
Both DDs came home for the night in Friday which was great and went back yesterday so they could go to Hallowean parties last night. DD2 was looking forward to the extra hour in bed and planning to sleep all morning to recharge her batteries. She did think about staying home another night but then wouldn't be able to have a restful Sunday as she would have to travel back etc.

Squirrills · 30/10/2016 09:43

Hi all, I've not posted on here for a while even though nest is properly empty now that DS2 is at uni. You sum it up very well madeinkent.
Basilisk I had DS1 here last weekend and DS2 this weekend and have done the fatted calf thing twice. I am sending him back with a bag full of home made freezer meals.

Doilooklikeatourist · 16/12/2016 21:03

We're picking DD up for the holidays on Sunday evening , she has finished term , but has a part time job in Primark
There have been a couple of wobbles , she has fallen out with her best friend from last year ( who is a house mate ) and a few tearful phone calls , but she's ok
It'll be nice to have her home
She lives on vodka and chocolate doesn't eat properly , and was anaemia and vitamin deficient , needing vitamin injections last summer , and is exhausted now , but wants a week at home before going to the Docs
DS is fine , making sure we've booked time off to come and see him graduate next summer , he's home for a week , then back to London and the girlfriend
Hope you all enjoy the time with the DC over the holidays

Leeds2 · 16/12/2016 21:39

Can't wait until my DD comes home on Thursday!

Notsoskinnyminny · 20/12/2016 18:41

Doilook mine's fell out with her best friend as well. A new flatmate tried to intervene without knowing all the facts and now DD is living in her room, or the library, because she feels like everyone's sided with the other girl. She won't even go into the kitchen to cook if she can hear someone in there - is it too much to ask for a year without drama? The positive side is she's getting on with her dissertation so hopefully I won't have the frantic last minute deadline stresses I had with DS Grin

mumeeee · 07/01/2017 11:42

Hi everyone again. Well I'm going to be an Empty Neater again in a fortnights time.
DD3 is going back to university to finish her degree after a 6 month break.
I'll miss having her around but glad she is going to have the chance to finish her degree

Leeds2 · 07/01/2017 12:10

How long will she have to study for, mumeeee? Just this term, or next year as well? Good for her for going back.

mumeeee · 07/01/2017 12:42

Hi Leeds. Just this term. She only has one module to do. It is going to be counted as her first attempt as she got mitigating circumstances after her blip last year.
She passed everything else.
Her anxiety and extreme stress have gone although she is still taking Ads and she is back to her normal self

Leeds2 · 07/01/2017 13:59

Great news! All the very best to her for next term.

Notsoskinnyminny · 07/01/2017 14:03

Well done DD3 on going back.

We've just done DDs food shop and she's sorting out what to take back tomorrow. She's home every other weekend for work so i don't know why she needs to take so much but apparently all outfits must be properly co-ordinated - anyone would think she's studying fashion or brand management and not an MFL Grin

mumeeee · 23/01/2017 18:27

Well here we go again back to being an emptynester.
Took DD3 back to uni this weekend. Spent most of the weekend with her as it's a long drive to do there and back in a day and we also wanted to spend a bit of time with her rather than just say goodbye.
Anyway left her in her flat last night she's back in halls as they do 2nd semester halls.
Found it very strange to come home to an empty house after work today. DD3 usual greets me with the offer of a cuppa

Doilooklikeatourist · 23/01/2017 18:35

They've both gone back , DS on,y spared us a week , obviously his girlfriend is better company than we are 😀
DD taken back , then off on a uni educational trip to the US , she's back in uni now , we popped up to see her and did her a big shop , and now home alone ( with DH ) enjoying some time together
DD will be home for a weekend in early Feb , is looking for another job , as she wants to go on "Tour " in the Easter holiday
They both Facetime or message every couple of days , and it's always good to chat

Doilooklikeatourist · 11/03/2017 20:30

How's everyone doing ?
DS has a date for his graduation date now , so we just need him to find out the time , and we can arrange our trek from Wales to London ( might involve a night in a hotel , so it won't be cheap ! )
How is DD3 getting on mummee?
It's nearly the long summer holidays already 🌞