EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD - PART 4

[madeinkent]

DD and her friends secured their house yesterday. There are 5 of them, and a new house came on, and they dashed over to see it, and then straight on to the Letting Agents to confirm they wanted to take it. As they were filling out the forms another group came in wanting the same property, and both groups' details were sent to the Landlord who confirmed they'd let it to DD and her friends. Small matter of immediate deposit of £430 plus agent's fee of £180 (per person). She's given our names and details as guarantors, and says it will just be for her room, not for the whole house! Presume we'll get something through the post soon and will need to check it carefully. She's in Catered Halls this year, which she has really been enjoying, but this should be much cheaper even though it still seems quite expensive.

That sounds about right for what DS was doing in the summer last year, he left it until late and then just slotted in with whoever, and it has worked very well for their household. I wasn't surprised they asked him for a retainer, just that he had to do it so early. The whole thing has been interesting to watch.

We do that too. After years of having to move in a hurry so sometimes going in to rented while buying, we have learnt our lesson. Once we moved into a house with not one but TWO half-painted - as in, on the wonky diagonal - walls. In different bedrooms so different colours. We couldn't match the colours so painted them both white - and the landlord tried to keep back £100 for it!

Well DD3 had a new phone from her Nan for Christmas and she has managed to lose it. She thinks it might be in her room but hasn't seen it for a few days. I'm very frustrated with her. Thought she was getting better at looking after her things.

If it doesn't turn up, Huaweii do an excellent cheap android one, less than £50 and it does everything. I had one to trial through mumsnet and it's brilliant, I have swapped it for my old one although I had been going to give it to DS as a spare in case he lost his! Not good for selfies though.

mumeeee if your DD's room is anything like DS's you could lose an entire lost tribe in there.

Hmm, madeinkent that sounds interesting, I am soon going to have to replace my trusty antique Nokia which only does phone calls and texts so I will have to move into the 21st century.

Madeofkent that does sound interesting. I know DD3 is Dyspraxic and does have organisational difficulties but at 23 I thought she was using her. strategies to help her with this. DH says it is our fault as we haven't reminded her not to lose her phone for ages . Secreatsquirrel I'm sure could lose a whole load of stuff in her room although she did say she was going to tidy it a couple of weeks ago

Only the brave venture into DDs bedroom. I did blitz it last year and found hundreds of missing teaspoons stuck to empty yoghurt pots in drawers and plates under her bed. Her flat's only tidy because they have minimal notice room inspections and one of her flatmates is 'a Monica' so the kitchen's always clean, I'm hoping she has a lasting effect on DD

You know how you always hope that your DCs sluttish ways will change when they have their own home - well, it hasn't worked with DD. Not that her OH does anything either. It's just as bad as when she was a teen. Truly horrible but I keep my mouth shut.

DS has had a haircut thank god, He was starting to look like a wookey.

I thought it would get better. Going by DD1 she was terrible before she got married. Although their flat is a little bit untidy at times they do keep it in a reasonable state. Does this mean there's no hope for DD3

DS is not much better, it's only his OTC training that keeps him from being a downright slob I think. He had the option to change his room for a much bigger one, but refused because he said it would only give him more floordrobe.

He's been back a week now and I don't miss him at all! It's not having to think about food as much that I like. OH eats his main meal at lunchtime, so is happy with a salad or soup in the evenings, or a sausage butty or scrambled eggs on toast, much he does himself anyway. So I am free to cook something easy and slimming and just plough my way through it, instead of trying to bung as much protein and healthy stuff as possible into DS before he returns to meals (admittedly healthy) only when he remembers to eat them.

Well poor old DSis unwell

He's normally as strong as an ox like his mum but he's had the runs and stomach cramps since Sunday , so had to miss his American football match and team barbecue

He's quarantined himself in his room , just ventured out to the local petrol station to stock up on lucozade

He's missed 2 days , has a day off on Wednesday anyway hopefully better by Thursday

It's the first time I've been worried about him really , we are going to see him on Tuesday next week ( half term here ) and I've bought him some antibacterial wipes and soap and told him to deep clean his room and ensuite before then , and then keep things a bit cleaner

Doi hope he's soon better, at least he's in touch. Has he a friend keeping an eye on him?

He's much better today ,
His friends called round yesterday , until then he'd put himself in quarantine !
Can't be in circulation for 48 hours ( he must have been googling )
He's changed his sheets , done some cleaning round and managed to eat a shepherds pie ready meal

He's been " working from home" to make sure he keeps up with the work , not sure how much to believe really

DD has now 2 offers to do performing arts , so she just needs to do some work and get the required grades

at put himself in quarantine.
Glad he's on the mend.

My daughter has organised a house for next year with her friends. At last & it is really close to the university, so no bus needed. Thank goodness.

It's so worrying when they are away and ill. You can't tell if they are REALLY ill or not. When DS went off to uni last year and unpacked all the day nurse, night nurse, sprain supports, plasters etc. I had sent him it looked as if he was studying medicine, not music! I think he's used everything bar the plasters though.

Glad a house is sorted out, and close too. One missed/cancelled bus seems to equal one missed lecture with DS's crowd. At least, that's the excuse they give!

That's one thing to tick of the list of niggling worries then Littleham.
madeinkent I packed a similar box for DS but he hadn't even opened it last time I asked, so he hasn't discovered the emergency £20 note DH popped in.

SS that made me smile there was a film the other week where someone wanted a car for their graduation but instead was given a book. He never spoke to his dad again and when they were clearing the house after he'd died found the book and when they opened it the pages had been cut out and inside were the keys to the car.

I'm in the living hell of applying for next year's Japanese uni. DD phoned last Thursday saying she needs a record of her immunisations before this Friday. Our surgery needed the request in writing and there'd be a 2 wk wait but after a polite rant they managed to print off the information today (for a fee). Fingers crossed she gets the one she wants or she'll be unbearable, the rants about 30kg baggage allowances are bad enough

Secret we did this when DS went and framed a £20 note with "break glass in case of emergency" on it. Unbelievably it's still untouched and hanging on his wall and he's in his 4th year

Notso it was bad enough for DS sorting a year abroad in Europe - Japan sounds so much more scary/exciting. DS used Send My Bag to move all his stuff but I don't suppose that option is available for Japan!

Notsoskinny applying for the Japanese uni sounds complicated, At least the surgery gave you a print out of the information you needed, Our surgery won't even give out any information to parents if their DC is over 16, I once phoned to ask if DD3s prescription was ready as if it was she was going to pick it up on the way home from college. They kept saying they couldn't tell me. I did manage to presuade them that DD3 had asked me to phone as she needed to get off at a different bus stop if she was going to pick it up but it took me awhile
I have just seen on Facebook that DD3 got into uni before the sun was up this morning. She failed an assignment last semester and has been working on it in the uni library as her laptop isn't working at the moment. She hasn't got to do the whole assignment again but has to do some more work on it and resubmit it. Her tutor gave her feedback and has set some more work. I really hope she manages to pass it this time as she has worked really hard on everything.

Fingers crossed mumeeee its good that her tutor's given her some guidance - I think its hit and miss as DS claimed his tutor told him if he helped him he'd have an unfair advantage and working together, or collusion as his faculty called it, was not allowed and being a stickler for rules DS never ran ideas past his classmates. DDs uni is completely different, she often submits a draft to one of the tutors and then tweaks it based on their comments and 3 or 4 of them will do their research together.

Our surgery's a pain as well, she made the initial phone calls but had to request the info in writing guess who typed and signed the letter and when it was ready I had to take her photo ID and written permission for them to give me the letter, luckily she leaves her passport here otherwise she'd have had to come home.

fussy thanks for the tip, I've just had a look and their costs are fantastic, much cheaper than Emirates who want £560 for an additional 15kg

Notso Ha I've done the typed and signed letter before .
DS sounds similar to yours in being a stickler for rules. Everything is black and white, right or wrong, he doesn't get grey. He's in a pub quiz team and gets very upset with googlers. His course is not the sort where group working is involved (fortunately) but they are all struggling with a particular topic and he complains bitterly that others "collaborate".

DD3 is usually a stickler for rules. I think others have had feedback before so she thinks it is okay for her to have feedback. She did find this particular assignment hard. I think she should have asked for extra time to submit it before. She gets extra time in exams as she is Dyspraxic and I'm sure she is entitled to extra time for assignments but she doesn't think she should so doesn't ask.

Anyone else feeling wibbly still about their Dc being away?
Saw dd last week for her birthday which was fab, we had two lovely days but she got very upset as we were about to leave. Partly because I was trying to advise her re next years house and they have been having problems securing one, I should have shut up I know.
She then said she didn't think it's as much fun as she thought it would be and she is so tired from working all the time.
It's an art subject so all assignments and no exams. She is a perfectionist and this takes it's toll. She is however doing well so far.
She then said she wanted to come home. Gave her lots of hugs and allowed her to cry.
She had a birthday party later which her flat mates organised so felt a bit better.
So they now have a house as from Friday but after she organised it all she feels that others who didnt have pushed her feelings aside a bit re allocation of rooms. Very long story but she does have a nice room but one of the others won't speak to her properly at the moment as this girl has the room dd wanted and I think is feeling a bit guilty even though dd has accepted it.
She was in big tears yesterday on the phone but now just seems cross. I think things will calm down once the contract is signed and they can forget about it till later in the year.
She can be intolerant of others , I know that , so am hoping this helps her to compromise more but it's still hard to see her upset.
She had a nice day out walking with a girl off her course yesterday. She lives at home or they may have shared next year.
Sorry this is so long. Just want her to be happy and to chill a bit. I don't want her to be counting the days till she's home again.
On a przctical note, which vitamins could I send her to perk her up a bit?
Thanks for reading

Even though it is worrying, she will be absolutely fine. It is quite good for her to have to sort it all out without you & compromise on bedrooms. My dd has just finished sorting out a house for her group. Thank goodness that is all completed. Knowing her, she will offer to take the small room. She said to me that she would rather live in a happy atmosphere and that she likes small rooms as there is less space to mess up!

I sent her with Haliborange Teensense Omega 3 orange vitamins and she has only had one day sick (which was food poisoning from her own cooking).

www.haliborange.com/products/haliborange-teensense

Thanks for your reply.
I know she will be ok but I do worry.
I was pretty miserable in my first year and I had hoped she would fare better.
On reflection she is used to having her own space and can find others who are messy etc a bit trying despite the fact that I could never see a carpet due to textile and art stuff at home