EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD - PART 4

[madeinkent]

DD and her friends secured their house yesterday. There are 5 of them, and a new house came on, and they dashed over to see it, and then straight on to the Letting Agents to confirm they wanted to take it. As they were filling out the forms another group came in wanting the same property, and both groups' details were sent to the Landlord who confirmed they'd let it to DD and her friends. Small matter of immediate deposit of £430 plus agent's fee of £180 (per person). She's given our names and details as guarantors, and says it will just be for her room, not for the whole house! Presume we'll get something through the post soon and will need to check it carefully. She's in Catered Halls this year, which she has really been enjoying, but this should be much cheaper even though it still seems quite expensive.

That sounds about right for what DS was doing in the summer last year, he left it until late and then just slotted in with whoever, and it has worked very well for their household. I wasn't surprised they asked him for a retainer, just that he had to do it so early. The whole thing has been interesting to watch.

mumeeee hope she gets it sorted out and isn't fixating on the mistake re extra time - that's something DS would've done rather than getting his head round the assignment task.

Dunkling it's hard to let them go but you should also be proud of yourself for the great job you've obviously done in raising such an independent and hard-working young man.

I'm off to visit DD and bring some of her excess baggage home (she's not home until August). It'll be fun to have some girly time especially as she's discovered cocktails

Thanks Notso. Unfortunately it was more complicated than just the extra time. DD3 has had some mental health problems over the last few months. While she had told me some stuff about it and has been talking to her GP and people at university.
When I went to see her this weekend. I discovered this was actually affecting her much more than I realised and she was completely overwhelmed with it all which was also making aspects of her Dyspraxia worse.
Anyway she went to see her Tutor yesterday morning. Who advised her to submit what she had done of her assignment and to apply for mitigating circumstances. He wrote her a letter of support to put with her application.
She won't pass at the moment but by submitting her assignment he can mark what she has done and by getting mitigating circumstances she should get a deferral which means she'll have to do another assignment but it won't be capped.
So at the moment she won't Graduate in July but hopefully will in September.
She just has to get through a Viva Demonstration for her Dissertation this morning. Then she can relax for awhile. Her tutor told her to make sure she relaxes and not to think about work until the results were out

Dunkling, we have similar. We have hardly seen DS as he was revising through easter and then had exams. As soon as these are over he has a three month internship in another part of the country, and will spend the remainder of his vacation on holiday with his GF.

We have no holiday plans as yet as we are waiting to see what our DD wants to do, but one idea is to rent somewhere not too far from DS for a week or two, perhaps covering a couple of weekends. Its a part of the country none of us know, so a chance to visit some new places and do some walking. We will then play it by ear. If DS has met lots of people where he is working and is having a great time we may only see him once or twice. This is fine, as people are giving me a long list of places near there that are worth seeing. Apparently though the City he will be in is not great, there is some lovely coutryside around. If he is finding it grim (DS has lived his whole life including school and University, in London Zone 1, so at minimum it will be a new experience), he can spend a couple of weekends with us and see something of the surrounding area.

The internship is a good one, and he should find the work interesting. His GF will visit, and indeed I understand her parents are also planning to visit, so even if he does not get to know any of his colleagues, the three months should speed by. I had always assumed that at least one of the DC would end up working in London, but perhaps not.

Hello dunkling. I was just as bad, even now after almost three years I still get a bit down when I have to say goodbye to my DS, but I have to leave his door shut, not open, as that is how he always left it.

This summer we shall be lucky to see him for even a week, after years of holidaying together, and his sister says she will only come back for a few days - she handed in her final law papers after almost 6 years, the other night. They both have work, and I am so pleased for them. DD will never come back here to live again, she was very independent and really left home when she was 21, however DS I think will probably come back from time to time when work allows over the next couple of years.

What I find quite sad is now that I don't see him as often, I can notice little ways in which he has changed since the last time I saw him. With DD, it was things like her hairstyles, then she appeared with glasses, things I am no longer consulted about or have any input to. Not that I feel I should, just that I get a pang when I saw his little wispy beard last year , his change of style in clothes, and how he has grown even taller.

Not having as much shopping or laundry is wonderful - but I miss being a Mum. I miss the babble and the daily news, helping with homework and the company. It doesn't feel anything like as painful as it did at first, but I do still get pangs, there's no denying it.

Well DD3 has now put her mitigating circumstances application in and also applied for summer accommodation.
So now it's just a matter of waiting to see what happens.
She is still up in her university town. I'm finding it a bit hard having her so far away at this stressful time.
We Skyped on Friday and she did seem okay and has accepted things. Although she is still a bit upset about it.

Some good news. DD3 heard today that the mitigating circumstances have been accepted.

Well hello everyone
Glad to hear you're doing well mrsRhod
We had the weekend of the pickups tha late May bank holiday
DD is only a 2 hour drive , so we picked her up on the Saturday evening , DS however is nearly 5 hours each way , which we stupidly did in one day never again
He has a summer placement , so we took him to his house share last Sunday
DD however is home , and lonely as we live in a rural area and all her friends from school seem to be busy
So
She is going to learn to drive
She is going to work for me ( run a B&B )
Go to Spain for a holiday ( as one of her uni flat mates lives in Calahonda )
Look for bar work , baby sitting etc
House still has bits of stuff that need putting away , but it's nice to have her home
Dunkling and anyone else reading this with DC about to go off .
The worst thing for me was watching the school bus pass the end of the drive ( where they would catch it from ) and not even slow down !
That made me cry more than once !

Pleased to hear it mumeeee.

Well it looks like I'll still be here next year. DD3 has to repeat a module but as her mitigating circumstances have been accepted. It will be counted as her first attempt. Still waiting for actual details of when she has to do it but looks like it might be the second semester of next year.

Oh what a shame mumeeee, how does she feel about it and what will she do for the first semester? You must be worried sick on her behalf and hoping she's not making herself ill(er) with all the stress.

DD was great when I went to see her, understanding her lessons, has got a fun group of friends and there was a boy on the scene who appeared nice. Then I come home and she finds out he's seeing someone else (he hadn't told her) so she's heartbroken and doesn't want to hang out with her friends because they all socialised together - he'd said not to tell anyone they were dating as it'd make things awkward for the others - is it any wonder I'm going grey!

Mrs Rhod completely missed your post, so pleased everything is going well for all of you.

Thanks Notso. She has been home for a few days relaxing which seems to have helped but has gone back up to uni now She is disappointed but has accepted that this might be the best thing for her.
She is seeing her Tutor on Monday to clarify a few things. So once she has done that will be able to plan things

Well DD3 saw her tutor and she is now definitely repeating the module next year
So she now has to apply for extra student funding. Does anyone know how she goes about doing that. She actually isn't doing the module until the second semester next year so will start it in January.
One of the advisors at her uni said just apply as a continuing Student and she will get it in January.
She is applying through Student finance Wales and when she went to look at it she got confused.
Any advice welcome

Hi everyone. A quick update on DD3. She has now applied for a student loan for the 2nd Semester next year. She had some help from a student advisor at university. The advisor helped her phone student finance Wales who advised her to download the paper form as she would be able to explain more on there.
Anyway that's now filled in and posted.
She's coming home in a couple of weeks and will be here until she goes back to university in January 2017.
So now she needs to find something to do for those few months and she also needs to look for accommodation for the 2nd Semester in her university town.
Although she has now relaxed a bit she is still having some anxiety problems so might be a stressful few month
Hopefully she will have been able to get through this by next January and go back to university ready for a fresh start.
Anyway that's enough about DD3. How are everyone else's DC getting on?

Thanks for the update mumeeee, would DDs current accommodation not be able to help - there must be students who drop out at Christmas and need someone to take over their lease. At least that way she'd be living somewhere she's familiar with.

DDs into her final month and, judging by the credit card bills and the snapchat pics, is having a fantastic time. They don't break up until 22nd July but she's got lots planned for what free time she's got between now and then and needs to clean her room to get her deposit back to cover the final month's rent.

She's given up trying to teach english english and is now speaking with an american drawl which'll be really funny when she's back working in a fastfood outlet in a northern town

Waves to everyone else

Hi Notso it sounds like your DD is having a great time and I Know she works hard.
DD3 has been in halls for all 3 years of university as it suited her better than a shared flat. She is still in halls at the moment but we are bringing her home on the 14th July.
She can apply for 2nd Semester halls but can't do that until November and they often take awhile to tell students that they've got a room. She has also mentioned she needs somewhere to stay to a few people she knows from her church.

Well DD3 is home until January. It's good to have her home but think it's actually going to take awhile to get used to having another person around again.
Our front room is full of most of her belongings at the moment.
Her student loan for when she goes back to university has been confirmed so that's good.

Hello Mumee, thanks for sharing your updates, I hope it all works out for you and DD3. I found the whole transition from full house to empty nest back to boomerang home the biggest challenge (in fact I blogged about it if anyone is interested at helloemptynest.com) , it's so strange because you know it's going to happen, yet somehow you feel completely unprepared when it does. I was devastated when DD2 (my youngest) left for uni, but when it didn't work out and she came back I was even more emotional! Everyone (including me) is back on track now, but it took some real soulsearching. To be honest, I had to do the most work out of all of us, I think , because I identified with being the center of homelife so much. I also fully sympathise with your situation of having their stuff back home again.... All the best!

Mummee glad to hear DD is sorted sort of for her semester resist , it's all a bit strange , having time off and the having to go back and be a student again

DD ( going into 2nd year ) has been working as a waitress , had a couple of driving lessons , and caught up with old friends , as well as having a fortnight in Spain , she has just asked me for a loan , as she is well into her overdraft !

DS ( 3rd year ) has nearly finished his work placement , we are helping him move into his house share early in September

It's all going so quickly !

I would like to agree, but as DS has extended his uni-going years by two I can't! However he is loving his new courses, and got himself a lovely job that is in holiday times only, teaching young teens computer-coding. However this does mean that we rarely see him. He is coming home tomorrow though, for a month I should think but maybe he will decide to go back early - we will seem very boring now after his commuting to work in various cities, and bnb-ing in strange places. I definitely find that I am better if I only see him for a day visit or an overnight. Any more and I get used to seeing him, and then miss him dreadfully all over again. I have an older friend in her late 60s with sons in their 20s and she is just dreadful - she misses them so much and I would hate to be like her. Her OH isn't much better. They are almost her only topic of conversation.

The coding job finished last week, this week he has been a guinea pig for the science department, they have been testing his driving reflexes when they play certain types of music at him. He says £25 per session isn't enough to compensate him for the inevitable deafness he will now incur.!

Nice to read some updates. This thread was a great consolation to me when DD went to uni back in 2013. 3 years on it seems like a lifetime away. She has stayed in her uni town over the summer as she has a job that she can carry on part-time when term starts. Do I still miss her? Of course, but it has been so good seeing her find new friends and take on new responsibilities and is definitely weird when she does (rarely) come home. She was home for a long weekend in June, but I haven't seen her since other than on Skype.

As for boomeranging back, I can't see that happening, but you never know! She changed course at the end of first year, as some of you may remember, having failed her first year exams, but is now doing really well and talking about doing post grad. However she has 2 more years to go, so time will tell.

Loving these updates. My youngest 2 are currently cluttering up the house (!) but I love having them around (useful this week coz dh is abroad for week and I had a small op under GA yesterday - they're walking the dogs at the mo!

Ds going into his 3rd year having got decent results last year thank goodness, but not much idea of what he'll do afterwards (I suspect he'll look at doing a masters). Dd now 4th year vet student doing work placements (real operations by herself now - that's weird!). She had a graduation in July for a degree they get after their 3rd year. What a wonderful day - really looking forward to the next one (2017 for ds and 2018 for dd - must keep on the dirt for those photos lol).

I'll miss them when they've gone back but also looking forward to a quieter, tidier house :-)

DD says she's looking forward to going back, after a year in Tokyo a northern suburb with next to no public transport just doesn't cut it, but she's struggling after the sudden death of her estranged dad (XH) and there's been a fallout with her uni bestie (in the same flat and on the same course). They're speaking but they're not if that makes sense and while she says she's not bothered and will study on her own if need be I know deep down she's really upset about it. She shared with most of her flatmates in 2nd year and they all got on really well and she doesn't want them to feel awkward or worse have to pick a side.

Is it too much to ask for a year without drama?

DS has finished his work placement , and ...
Fanfare please
Been offered a place on the graduate scheme for next year !
Just needs to finish his degree
Phew !!!!
Taking him back tomorrow , he's sharing with his GF and another friend off campus
Packed the car already not that we are glad he's going after only a week at home , oh no !

Wow! Brilliant!

It really is lovely to hear what they are all up to. I saw DS yesterday and he is applying for sandwich internships for next year, so could end up anywhere. I find I stll feel low after seeing him and not being able to take him home, though.

It was DD's graduation ceremony last week too, after 6 years of Law. Now she has a year of LLM and LPC combined ahead of her. I spend much of my time on FB messaging trying to calm her down!