Guest post: "Muslim women are diverse, funny and opinionated – not #TraditionallySubmissive"

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As a mother of two girls, I'm constantly anxious that they don't suffer from the gender penalty as they grow up. This is the penalty that props up the glass ceiling, that restricts their access to the corridors of power, that makes their pay packet lighter, or that reduces them to their body and looks, and continues to disproportionately burden them with childcare and household chores.

But as a Muslim mother I also worry that my daughters live in a society that does not see them for the people they are or give them the space to flourish as individuals. Instead, they are on a perilous slope towards being seen as part of a homogenous group of oppressed, dehumanised creatures. Front page headlines today proclaimed that "Muslims are not like us". It's yet another example of the constant hostility faced by Muslims – especially Muslim women – in the UK.

My heart sank last week when I woke up to the news that the Prime Minister had said Muslim women must do more to integrate. I mean, I love queueing, I can talk at length about traffic and weather, and I'm on Mumsnet. What more does he want?

His aim is to get more Muslim women to speak English and he announced a £20 million fund for English lessons. I've always been an advocate of how important it is to speak the main language of social engagement, and I've been involved in running workshops encouraging women to better express their voices and opinions. So I'm all for English lessons for those struggling with the language. But this was the same Prime Minister who cut £45 million funding for English lessons this summer.

His clumsy and lazy characterisation of the 'Muslim women problem' stitched together ideas of Muslim women as segregated from society and responsible for extremism, and led to the all-too-familiar headlines casting Muslim women as isolated, illiterate and oppressed. However, he admitted that there was no causal connection between not speaking English and extremism. But the damage is done. The misleading portrayal of Muslim women undoubtedly exacerbates an increasingly hostile environment; attacks against Muslims are up 275% since the Paris attacks and Muslim women make up 60% of the victims.

If I wasn't already angered enough at this, I nearly spat out my morning coffee when I read reports that the Prime Minister had privately suggested that a major reason young men are vulnerable to radicalisation is the "traditional submissiveness" of Muslim women.

I responded in the most British way possible – with sarcasm. After all, we are always being told to adopt British values.

"Actually, my husband runs my Twitter feed because I can't speak English #TraditionallySubmissive" I mocked on Twitter, adding "I bought a sports car and published a book (in English and eight other languages). I must be doing this wrong."

I wasn't the only one to feel incensed. Other Muslim women took up the hashtag. Dr Sukaina Hirji, a GP based in London, posted on her Facebook page "I and many others have been extremely hurt by David Cameron's article in The Times earlier this week, specifically (and incorrectly) targeting Muslim women's apparent inability to speak the English language and loosely linking this to radicalisation (multifactorial causes) and Female Genital Mutilation (cultural practice)."

She made a public call to Muslim women to "show solidarity and speak out against this discrimination" by tweeting and posting selfies during a coordinated period to create a Twitter storm with the hashtag #TraditionallySubmissive.

On Sunday evening, the hashtag was quickly trending in the UK and continued to trend until Monday morning, with over thirty thousand tweets sent so far. These ranged from pictures of Muslim women graduating, hiking, fundraising, skiing and boxing, to others holding placards listing their achievements - including speaking multiple languages.

Coverage of the Twitter storm has been global – and this is important, because women's voices must be taken seriously, and Muslim women are part of the 50% of our population that is consistently under-represented and under-served. Muslim women are vibrant, diverse, funny and yes, opinionated. And that's a good thing. We want to make things better for ourselves and for those around us. And we hope you will support us in challenging the idea that we are submissive, pathetic little flowers.

One of the reasons I struggle so much with the facial veil are the practical problems it must create. Humans have faces - we communicate with them, we recognise each other with them.

To cover one's face just seems so strange. I often find myself scratching my head in wonder.

Genuine question like. In an area where lots of people are veiled, how do you recognise each other? You know - "there is Sam's mum, I must say hello". It would be like attending a masked party, surely?

I ask this genuinely. it baffles me.

Or at a business meeting with several veiled attendees. Would you have to wear a name badge?

I agree that the UK is changing - and in many cases that is very much for the better! I don't agree that we have to accept, therefore, every custom and practice that individuals - or groups of individuals - wish to pursue if there is a detriment to the majority. That applies to actions with a religious, cultural or whatever motivation. I don't see the social benefit of veiling, only the very large downsides, and that is why I don't think that it is acceptable in modern Britain.

Rooner,

i sort of agree but then i remember that I worked in a place where we all wore similar garb to a niqab. All dressed exactly the same, only eyes were visible - we mostly had no problems talking and laighing etc. The mask over the nise and mouth could be uncomfortable though.

It was actually quite liberating not being judged on your clothes, hair, beauty, make up etc.

In Iran though the one thing I thought might be freeing was didn't matter at all how you looked like, How wrong I was! I was appalled that the one bit of the religion one might have thought had feminist merit was not really followed because of the massive effort they all made over eye make up - never seen anything like it (I don't wear make up usually on feminist grounds). Then they suggested I'd like an area for shopping - as if we all have their materialistic values! Then I was told not to wear a green jacket on my publicity photo ( apparently because it's the colour of their feminist "revolution"), They also have one of the highest plastic surgery rates in the world presumably because women are owned by men and have to look good for the man. All rather sexist and horrible,

The image of men on a beach in speedos and all the women unable to get their vit D or roam free in bikins and instead all in totally long black will ever stay with me. We need to fight every day to encourage all women in the UK to abandon any head covering. It is not required by the Koran and it just damages them and other women and their daughters and holds back the rise of feminism and fairness and equality between men and women. If someone has to cover let it be the men - force your man to cover his head tomorrow

We need to fight every day to encourage all women in the UK to abandon any head covering.

You may feel that need DG, I do not. I feel the need to fight the likes of David Cameron, the rich and powerful with vested interests in tge patriarchy and keeping the rest of us in our place.

I do not feel the need to target a tiny minority of British women who are already under attack.

If you look at pre-revolution Iran you can see that the women were generally very into fashion, femininity and beauty. The culture is very visual - look at women in old paintings - and that's a reason they particularly despise the dowdy, door Arabian garb foisted upon them. Go to a wedding and you will see the most amazing clothes in the brightest colours. The culture is very very visual. Plastic surgery is popular there as it is in the States - remember men and women don't mix all that much anyway - and they are very beauty conscious (much like my indian friends). And in a place where colours gave meanings, yes, you wouldn't wear red for example, and green isn't bad but is political. It's messages.

If I had to cover up in such garments even I might put on a bit of lippy.

Why should dressing like a woman from a medeveil conquering force be feminist? Its nor a leveller, its pushing women down becayse the women do not choose. Arab culture is way more sexist that Persian.

And shopping isnt 'materialist' it's commerce. Why not point a visitor to the famous shops? It's good for the economy. I can't get on the bus at marble Arch for me visitors with shopping bags, or chauffeurs blocking off the parking bays to bundle in half of Selfridges.

As a side point, I think it would be insightful to look at the statistics in the UK to understand that mysogynistic/predatory/sexist behaviour exists everywhere.

It is not a 'Muslim issue' it would be better to say it is a male issue.

Sexual offences recorded by the police continued to rise with the latest figures up 41% on the previous year; equivalent to an additional 27,602 offences. The numbers of rapes (31,621) and other sexual offences (63,861) being at the highest level since the introduction of the National Crime Recording Standard in 2002/03. As well as improvements in recording, this is also thought to reflect a greater willingness of victims to come forward to report such crimes.

www.ons.gov.uk/ons/dcp171778_419450.pdf

You cannot make sweeping generalisations based on stories reported in a sensationalist manner on TV and newspapers, it is very naive.

Before the run up to the war in Afghanistan a huge deal was made out of how women in Afghanistan are not allowed access to schools and education - although there is much truth to this it became the song if the press to sway public opinion to allow the government to bomb the hell out of country, with thousands of civilian casualties.

Further manipulation and irresponsible media reporting led to the war on Iraq.

The media is upping it's coverage of crazy ISIS killers to again, help support implementation of islamophobic policies in the UK. It then allows the general population to feel somehow it is deserved.

I worry with all this rhetoric, what is next on the list.

DG,

I could take my own experiences whilst growing up/school etc to form judgments on (native) British people. It would be wrong.

There are numerous Muslim countries, each with their own rich cultural history which shapes the people of the country. Therefore you can't generalise.

A lot of what you experience will be based in religion, culture, social etiquette - all which is variable and complex.

And then to extend your simple understanding to Muslims in the UK - it will not be accurate.

The world would be a much better place with honest women like Hifsa (author of below). Fact - Ignorance, silence & denial fuels oppression and injustice! British society is not perfect but I thank god everyday I was born in a country where we enjoy freedom of speech and human rights.
Thanks to the lady who shared the below...

Dear Prime Minister

I am not the type of female you might call traditionally submissive. I am a privileged Muslim woman whose is living a middle class lifestyle. Three children, a daughter-in-law, good job, two kittens and a husband who does not mind his wife working and travelling across the country leaving him holding the fort. He cooks too (and pretty well).

I am probably one of a handful of women who will say publicly I did not get quite so upset hearing you call Muslim women traditionally submissive. Because I know who you were talking about. We all did. We just do not want to admit it. You were not talking about me. Nor were you talking about the multitude of middle-class, educated, articulate and privileged women who took to twitter showing pictures and profiles of themselves with #traditionallysubmissive. You were not talking about women who know the power of social media or the ones who know how to turn on a computer. You were talking about those other women that none of us want to acknowledge still exist in our towns and cities. The ones we talk about with admiration and respect because they are humble and gracious. The ones who are in that situation through no fault of their own. And will remain in that situation because there is no way out for them.

Let me tell you more about the women I know you were talking about. You were talking about that 22 year old in number 75. You know the one who married her mothers uncles second cousin, the guy who was a complete mismatch in every possible way. She was not as fair-skinned as her siblings so was considered ‘on the shelf’ at 22. She was married off sharpish when this proposal came along. She did not have a choice in the matter. It would get her to England and she would no longer be a burden on her family. So now she has to put up with abuse, verbal and physical, from her mother-in-law and her husband. They will not let her go to college or learn English, it might give her ideas above her station. Even worse, she might tell other people what really goes on behind the doors of this ‘respected’ family in the community.

Prime Minister you were talking about ‘Nasrin’, her family married her off when she was 15 but they lied about her age and said she was 18 because they did not have a birth certificates from the village were she was born. She was ‘allowed’ to go to college because her in-laws are very kind – she’s like a daughter to them. She is the family’s ‘honour’ – she will not go anywhere despite knowing her husband has a mistress and three daughters. The little English she knows is not enough to get her out of this one.

And we must not forget Kiran. The obedient wife and daughter-in-law who is not allowed to get pregnant because her mother-in-law is too young to be a granny. And when she does fall pregnant, she is taken to hospital, forced to sign papers she can not read and has a termination forced upon her.

And how could I forget Manjit. The middle aged woman who has lived in England for 20 years and does not speak a word of English. So she had to take her son to the doctor to translate whenever she fell ill. She was not allowed to go on her own and even if she could she could not speak to the doctor anyway. When she started having bleeding from her back passage she could not bring herself to tell her son, or go see her male doctor, because she had no idea that she could request a female doctor. When advised to go and visit the well woman clinic, she responded ‘I can’t, I’m sick, that is for woman who are well’.

They do not come any more submissive that Zarina. Mother of three, married for 45 years and in England for 40. Totally loyal, cooks, cleans, obeys. Then she discovers her husband has secretly ‘married’ another woman under Islamic law . He even has another child by his second ‘wife’. But his second wife does not cook Asian food. So he comes home to wife number one for his meals, which she dutifully provides. Because it is after all his house – she has no rights (in her opinion) and she must do as she is told. What else can she do?

And finally, Rana the teenage wife who bumped into her neighbour in town. The neighbour did not recognise the woman who had been living next door to her for two years without her head scarf on and pleaded with her not to ever tell her husband she had seen her without her hijab.

There are thousands of women up and down our country and in our communities living similar experiences. The #traditionallysubmissive is an insult to these women and all those who need help and support because it has not been forthcoming from their own communities.

There have been many excellent community initiatives that have taken place to support the black and minority ethnic communities over the last 40 years. But we cannot ignore the fact that these things are still happening and we would be negligent to deny that. We still have young girls, new arrivals who do not speak English, who do not have the support or the power they need in order to make a stand when things go wrong. Nor do they have the skills they need to become a full part of the society they will most likely spend the rest of their life being a part of.

However £20 million to boost English skills would have been more welcomed if it had been made available to all women and men who needed it, regardless of race, religion or nationality. And if it had been in addition to the £45 million that was cut from the Skills Funding Agency in July 2015 for the teaching of English.

The need to stop our young people from becoming violent extremists, supporting terrorism or committing acts of terrorism is a sad reality of the world we are living in. But we must not associate everything with this agenda. It is wrong. It becomes damaging and divisive. And further adds to the ‘us’ and ‘them’ narrative that is becoming virulent. And particularly this week as we commemorate the Holocaust and subsequent genocides in Bosnia and Rwanda, we must reflect on where this narrative can ultimately lead us.

So Prime Minister I do appreciate what you were trying to say. But please ensure your comments are made in such a way that it does not insult the many thousands of Muslim women who are articulate and playing a full part in British society. Do not make statements that allows the right wing elements in our society and particularly in the media, to demonise Muslims even further. This should not have been about Muslims – this should have been about women who are not reaching their full potential and are being abused.

Salaam Shalom and Peace!

Hifsa

Great letter, thanks for posting that Urban

Thanks also for posting those stats, Likereally. Though I understand that women are more likely to be raped or suffer violence from a partner - someone is whose presence a Muslim women would not need to be covered. So wearing a hijab or niqab isn't "protection" against those statistically most likely to pose a threat.

I'm not linking the two.

Urban - thanks - was posted a few pages ago

www.theguardian.com/politics/2016/feb/05/muslim-women-blocked-seeking-office-male-labour-councillors

Not all muslim women have the freedom to pursue their dreams like the author of this blog.....

Bloody hell seasalt (and in the Guardian, too)

This cannot be allowed to continue. The repercussions are huge if you think about it