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Gifted and talented

Talk to other parents about parenting a gifted child on this forum.

Original poster

Why do some people hate gifted kids?

130 replies

RoboJesus · 09/10/2018 19:46

I really don't understand it. Even on here I've seen so much dislike of children who are born naturally smart. I doubt anyone will own up to it but I thought I would try

OP posts:
Starlight345 · 09/10/2018 20:10

Maybe you might like to explain what you mean or why you think that?

No one wants to explain anything on here tonight it seems 🙄

Original poster
RoboJesus · 09/10/2018 20:11

I'm starting to understand. You feel it's socially acceptable to hate the child if you blame the parent.

Interesting thought. Have you thought about what you would do if you had another child and they turned out to be gifted? I guess it's the rich kid in poverty for a day thing. Would you resist the reality, do a 180 on your view, or hate your kid/yourself?

OP posts:
user187656748 · 09/10/2018 20:13

Your child genius clearly didn't inherit their talents from you OP. Or are you being deliberately obtuse?

People have no dislike at all for the children. People have dislike for the insufferable parent.

WrongKindOfFace · 09/10/2018 20:13

You do not understand. It is perfectly possible to like the child and think the parent is a raging arsehole.

Are other people not overwhelmed by little Stephen’s brilliance?

Soubriquet · 09/10/2018 20:15

So cos your child can count to 100 and is only 2 he must be gifted yes??

Tbh I don’t think children are naturally gifted. They get the right support from their parents which help with their inner minds.

And yes it’s the parents.

“Oh my Annabelle can speak Latin can’t you sweetie. We now have to practice French just to keep her occupied”

Whilst grinning down at a 15 month old who’s main focus in life is gumming her goes

buscaution · 09/10/2018 20:17

I'm starting to understand. You feel it's socially acceptable to hate the child if you blame the parent.

How is that understanding? It's literally not what has been said. At all.

Every single person has said it is NOT the child. It is the PARENTS. Nobody is hating the children. They just think the parents are twats..........I'm starting to realise why Wink

buscaution · 09/10/2018 20:18

Have you thought about what you would do if you had another child and they turned out to be gifted? I guess it's the rich kid in poverty for a day thing. Would you resist the reality, do a 180 on your view, or hate your kid/yourself?

🤦🏻‍♀️

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 09/10/2018 20:18

I agree, it's mainly the boasting/obsessed parents that cause most of the animosity but sometimes under developed social skills from the child are also to blame.

Parents should try to produce well rounded children. Gifted children need to learn how to get on with others in their age range. There often doesn't seem to be any time in gifted children's busy schedules to for them to socialise.

Pebblespony · 09/10/2018 20:18

I think your gifted child is adopted if that's the strength of your understanding.

LavenderBush · 09/10/2018 20:20

I've met lots of gifted kids and nobody seemed to hate any of them.

AornisHades · 09/10/2018 20:21

Is his dad clever?

LadyKilbarron · 09/10/2018 20:23

I used to cringe when Ds1 would start talking about something he found exciting. I knew he was doing it in an 'I've just learned something really interesting and want to share it' way but I could feel other adults giving off a 'pretentious little twerp' vibe. Adults seemed to find it diffcult to accept an intelligent child.

user789653241 · 09/10/2018 20:24

Gifted board is a very supportive place if you are humble. I have received so much help on here and by pms, from many people over the years.

Starlight345 · 09/10/2018 20:25

I could add my ds’s best friend is gifted in maths . He can be as ridiculously silly as my Ds. I like him and his family.

Not sure where that fits in with your theory.

They are not boastful parents but I think do a lot behind the scenes

LightDrizzle · 09/10/2018 20:25

It’s definitely the parents.
There were two very gifted pupils in my year at secondary school. They were both nice, they were liked. We know two sets of friends with very gifted sons, everyone in our friendship group likes them as they are great and their parents are normal.
My parents used to bitch about the parents of a gifted peer of my brother’s whose parents they were friends with. It could have sounded like they were bitching about him at times because they mimicked the parents “Oh Malcolm! Shall we practise capital cities again?” but it was the parents they were critiquing. His parents were fiercely competitive, and if my brother ever managed to better Malcolm at a contrived “test”, then the activity would be swiftly abandoned.
Malcolm managed to grow up into a perfectly nice (and still gifted) man, but his parents were fucking annoying in that one respect.
On SM, you get a lot of humble brags: “AIBU to be frustrated that Dd’s teacher has sent her home AGAIN with a reading book that frankly bores her? We are reading Jude The Obscure at home and Dd (6) LOVES it so it’s not that she hates reading.”

catkind · 09/10/2018 20:27

Who hates anyone? There are various common tropes on threads about gifted kids. Mostly based on poster's personal experience of a gifted child or a child whose parents said they were gifted.

Disbelief ("no 2 year old can really read, they must just be barking at text") is one of the stupider responses.

Believing the symptom but dismissing giftedness as a possible cause ("so what if they can read at 2? I could read at 2 and I never came to anything").

Very common is an assumption that the child has been hothoused academically.
Which tends to go with assumption that non academic aspects of their life are neglected ("yes but can he wipe his own bum"/"she should be outside climbing trees at this age").

Sometimes there's also a feeling that gifted kids have things stacked in their favour (which I don't think actually reflects the reality of gifted kids) and don't deserve help educationally because "if they're that clever they'll teach themselves".

All more reflective on the parents as most posters have said.

CinnaMessala · 09/10/2018 20:28

In what ways have people in real life expressed distain and hatred of your child, OP? I’m not sure how you’ve reached this conclusion and what sort of assholes you allow around your child, if you’ve seen them treat him/her with hatred.

RomanyRoots · 09/10/2018 20:28

They don't hate their kids, but they have lots to say about the parents.
Lots of it bollocks, because they haven't experienced it themselves, for all the good and bad.

HTH

Livedandlearned2 · 09/10/2018 20:29

I have never met anyone who found it difficult to accept an intelligent child, and I've been around long enough to spend time with loads of parents and children.

Please don't join in the goadiness, it's unpleasant.

Armchairanarchist · 09/10/2018 20:30

Well, he never got his brains from you, did he? Multiple pp tell you there is no hatred towards these children and you still don't listen.

RomanyRoots · 09/10/2018 20:30

Ha Ha, I should have saved the potty mouth and said I agree with Catkind

bellsbuss · 09/10/2018 20:31

Both DD1 and DD2 were classed as G and T at primary school, OH and I we're obviously proud but apart from family we didn't tell anyone. I don't know if it's changed but all I can remember is some special lessons and school trips with other children who were the same. We've never been pushy parents just offered encouragement , we believe that children need to be children and having fun family time is also important

woodywoo2 · 09/10/2018 20:32

You're responses are really strange OP

woodywoo2 · 09/10/2018 20:33

*Your

Ladygaladriel · 09/10/2018 20:34

Op I don’t think anyone hates them. My DS is certainly not gifted. No where near being able to read in reception, away with the fairies most of the time. However he is a very charismatic character and naturally very charming and I think because of this very popular both with his peers and everyone who knows him. I think with very gifted children it can sometimes be the opposite of this. People can be in awe of their intelligence but they just don’t have that heart warming way of speaking to people that makes everyone instantly like them. Imttalkkmg proper genius types who may just come across as a bit odd to people who don’t know them well though.
I don’t think I’ve explained myself very well but certainly no one hates a child just because they are clever.