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Gifted and talented

Talk to other parents about parenting a gifted child on this forum.

Original poster

Why do some people hate gifted kids?

130 replies

RoboJesus · 09/10/2018 19:46

I really don't understand it. Even on here I've seen so much dislike of children who are born naturally smart. I doubt anyone will own up to it but I thought I would try

OP posts:
Pythonesque · 09/10/2018 22:43

Sometimes people feel threatened by gifted kids. I certainly encountered teachers like that in primary school (not all of them, but a couple of key ones made my life a lot more difficult than necessary). My mother didn't teach me at home, but some teachers (and parents) were so certain that that was what was happening that my younger sister was in effect bullied into underachieving to stay under the radar. And refused to let our mother do anything at all with her at home such as hear her spellings.

Another thing that happened with a couple of families we knew, was that they couldn't accept their child (my age) preferring to play with my younger sister rather than me. Some of our best times were had with friends who were 2-3 years older than each of us respectively.

(this wasn't in the UK for what it's worth)

elQuintoConyo · 09/10/2018 22:55

It

Isn't

The

Child.

It

Is

The

Parents.

Bloody hell, child got their intelligence off their other parent, obviously.

Get on your RoboDonkey and feck off with these threads.

GinandGingerBeer · 09/10/2018 22:56

@AornisHades
Is his Dad clever?
GrinGrinGrinGrin
Brilliant

LethalWhite · 10/10/2018 09:29

To be fair, OP seems to be operating at such a basic level that she’s likely to be super impressed by her child putting on its own coat.

🤷‍♀️

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 10/10/2018 11:21

Tbf my son is 2e and I would happily trade for a NT child some days.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 10/10/2018 11:23

Tbh there’s a huge world of difference between gifted/2e and coached to within an inch of their lives though.

RomanyRoots · 10/10/2018 11:25

Tomorrow

I don't understand 2e, but I can completely sympathise with happily trading for a NT child, sometimes.
I don't think some people understand how difficult it can be, nor that having a gifted child can create lots of different problems and isn't always a bed of roses Thanks

Slappinthebass · 10/10/2018 11:34

It's only the ones who's parents are insufferable about it. Who are too holier than though to have an honest discussion about their child's genius. Like the poster who used an acronym to describe their child as being more than 'gifted', and then refused to engage with anyone honestly. Often genius children have the same poor social skills as their parents surprise surprise.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 10/10/2018 11:42

2e is gifted with additional needs. Tbh I hate the word gifted as to us it is a poisoned chalice.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 10/10/2018 12:20

Sometimes I think parents banging on about their 'gifted children' is a bit too similar to parents with Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy(Fabricated or induced illness by carers), going on about how their children are and how they are affected by it.

FaceLikeAPairOfTits · 10/10/2018 12:26

Ooh, I won a bet with myself too, as to whose thread this would be! Grin

To my knowledge I don't know any gifted children, and don't have one, so can't help you on the haterz aspect.

user789653241 · 10/10/2018 12:32

I think if you feel like your dc is hated in real life as well as on here, it's because of how you communicate with others. You don't show any respect to the posters on MN, so you do get no respect from them either.
If you are the same in real life, it maybe the same. Nothing to do with child's ability, imo, and certainly the dc isn't hated. You are.

RomanyRoots · 10/10/2018 14:17

Tomorrow

Thank you. I know what you mean.
Mine has problems as struggles with academic work, dyslexia being the main problem and also asd, but not fully diagnosed.
Is exceptionally gifted in other areas though.
We had CAMHS appointments for well over a year, I can sympathise with you. Thanks
I don't mind that people don't understand, they won't if they don't have to go through what we do. It's the comments of aren't you/she lucky.

We have found a huge benefit in allowing attendance at a specialist school, I'm not sure we could cope without it.

Best wishes to you.

Goingonandonandon · 10/10/2018 20:26

Hate is a very strong word. I don't know many people who could 'hate' a child. I'd dislike a child who is a bully, for example. But I wouldn't hate that child.

I do think however that in some cases, G&T children can feel isolated in the classroom, and (as discussed many times on this board) can struggle with social skills. Of course, being G&T and socially awkward doesn't always go hand in hand but some G&T children do struggle to make and keep friends. But I wouldn't say that they are 'hated'. They are often ignored by the other children.

Personally, I have never, ever had a parent make hateful comments about DS apart from one parent who didn't want her daughter to work together with my DS in the class because she thought he was stupid.

On this board, I have never ever read about someone who hated a gifted child. They may be sceptical about it, question it, question what the child can actually do, question of the talent is natural or if the child is hot housed to the teeth. But that's healthy discussion and questioning. It's not hate.

Loopytiles · 11/10/2018 07:33

Friends have very bright DC, now aged 8 and 10. I dislike aspects of the DCs’ behaviour: they seem to seek a high level of adult attention, often to assist them with learning-type activities like crafts, construction or science experiment kits (rather than playing with other DCs, toys or whatever) and often interrupt adults’ conversations (more than other DC I know) to ask for assistance and ask questions. Not just their parents, other adults, including ones they barely know. They are also quite competitive with other DC, eg asking Qs about what level they’re at in dance, reading whatever. One of my DC has some speech and language issues and they repeatedly quizzed my DC about it, even after being told to stop - not in a mean way, more investigative, but insensitive.

IMO the friends actively encourage them to be “precocious”. They are very focused on assisting their DCs’ education and providing them with experiences. Much more so than other parents, and we all help our DC etc. I don’t think they’re balancing this with helping their DC with interpersonal skills.

I was similarly bright as a child and had some behaviours that pissed off other DC and sometimes teachers!

AlexaShutUp · 11/10/2018 07:44

Nobody hates my gifted child. Perhaps she has better social skills than your ds? Something for you to work on, obviously, but he will learn.

SisterOfDonFrancisco · 11/10/2018 07:51

I think communication skills are very important.

ImSoExhausted · 11/10/2018 07:57

I kind of agree with you OP.
I have two DS's, both autistic. DS1 is severely so, we spent years feeling quietly upset watching other children in our family reach milestones and having to rebuff questions about why DS1 wasn't.

DS2 is only just two years old and can read. I'm talking, sound words out and understand what they say. The adults of the other children in our family seem furious. The kids are perfectly fine with it! One little 5 year old just said, 'oh! He can read better than me!' and started trying to point words out for him. The adults just looked angry.
Even in parent and toddler groups, his childminder has commented that it winds up other parents when DS1 comes over with the word flash cards for her to hold up so he can read them (he genuinely enjoys doing this, it's a way for him to calm down)

So yeah. It's a bit baffling, for the adults in my family I kinda feel like they're getting a taste of how we've felt for the last few years with DS1, that question of 'why can't my kid do that' 🤷🏻‍♀️

Monday55 · 11/10/2018 08:02

I think most people wouldn't want to be caught hating a child who just happened to be a genius so they go and hate the next acceptable thing which is the parent.

A friend of mine has a gifted child and she hasn't told many or boast on Facebook etc. But other parents have kind of figured that her child is a genius because kids go home and talk about how she's reading books and doing maths/science etc years above her curriculum so guess what? they just hate my friend anyways as it's easier to reflect hate on a parent than an innocent child.

Most people don't want to see others do better than them.

AlexaShutUp · 11/10/2018 08:15

I think if people are getting "angry" about what your toddler can do, rather than just marvelling at it, you need to think about how you're communicating with other parents. There must be something in the way that you're coming across which is making people irritated.

I only ever had immensely positive reactions to my dd when she was tiny. Lots of requests for her to "perform" in different ways, but these were always met with very generous praise and astonishment from other parents, never any malice or envy. However, I was never smug about what dd could do and made a point of playing it down at every possible opportunity. I also made a point of noticing and commenting on the wonderful things about other people's dc. Not all children are academically gifted, but all are special and lovely in their own unique way.

I suspect that the parents who get negative reactions to their kids are coming across as smug and superior in some way. Nobody likes that.

ImSoExhausted · 11/10/2018 09:28

@AlexaShutUp that's very bold of you to assume.
I've spent years being the parent that felt disheartened at their child not being able to do anything, never mind be advanced for his age. I'm hyper aware of how that feels, DS2 genuinely loved his numbers and letters and will follow any adult around with his drawing board saying 'let's draw ABC!'
Some parents just don't like it when their child is 'out performed' not an expression I like, but it's true. The parent could be as humble and as non-braggy as they come and some adults will still find fault.

I let my DC be themselves, I'm not pushy or a performance parent. DS1 uses an iPad to calm down, DS2 uses flash cards and reads. Neither is better than the other, but DS2 gets daggers shot at him (and us) when he's doing that. Even if it's literally just stopped him in the middle of a meltdown about how loud the room is. Can't win with some people

MrsApplepants · 11/10/2018 10:44

I don’t hate gifted children, I find hearing about other people’s children equally boring, gifted or not

crosstalk · 11/10/2018 11:02

I think it's the parents who go on about their gt children that are the problem. And there's a reasonable chance their childretn will become convinced that intellect is the only way to judge people - when there are so many other qualities that also make life enjoyable/happy/successful

MissEliza · 11/10/2018 12:08

I don't hate gifted kids but I think the parents who boast about it are a bit sad.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 11/10/2018 12:30

I get more heat over the adjustments made for my son for his SEN though as tbh to everyone else he looks completely NT.
I get annoyed with being asked if the equipment he has is totally necessary.