Why do some people hate gifted kids?

[RoboJesus]

I really don't understand it. Even on here I've seen so much dislike of children who are born naturally smart. I doubt anyone will own up to it but I thought I would try

I don’t hate gifted children, I find hearing about other people’s children equally boring, gifted or not
A parenting forum may not be the best place to hang out then...

I like hearing about other people's children, specially my friends'. And am keen to hear about their successes and what's troubling them whether gifted-related, SEN-related or spot on average. I cba with trying to keep secret what DD may be doing just because she started doing it earlier than classmates. We do talk about what our DC are doing/enjoying/struggling with, that's kind of part of having parent friends or being on a parenting forum. Everyone is particularly interested and happy if a child masters something they've been struggling with, obviously, but that doesn't mean we're not still interested in the doings of the able ones. They have their own troubles.

Ive literally never experienced anyone hating my child.

Yes there is a lot of hate out there for the parents and the poor children

God help you if anyone somehow finds out your child does well :( :( :(

If you're talking about primary children, their achievement at that level is actually a poor predictor of later achievement. The question of whether anyone is innately intelligent is also much debated. People don't hate children, they take issue with parents who show off as though they're superior because their child knows more times tables that your child.

Yes there is a lot of hate out there for the parents and the poor children
God help you if anyone somehow finds out your child does well
Which would be fine... If anyone was saying they dislike children doing well or hated bright children.
People don't hate bright children. People don't hate children doing well.

They may get irritated with the type of parent who loved droning on endlessly about how their child is so much more exceptional than everyone else.

It's the difference between:

1. My DC (year 7) has been invited to do some workshops at the local university. Yes, it's really exciting and I'm glad the school and university are doing things for more able children. They're doing well and have just applied to do their grade 8 piano so we're thrilled for them.

And

1. Well naturally my DC will be studying at university some of the time this year. The thing is with them being so gifted is that school can't possibly offer them anything so school have had to make this arrangement in order to ensure my gifted DC gets anything close to a decent education. It's so hard being bright, you know the teachers have got to the point where even they can't offer them anything by way of extension. My child is essentially a teachinv assistant because the teacher relies on DC's intellect to help them teach the class. The system really is awful for gifted children and if I'm honest I only send them to school as childcare and so they can make friends. Most of their learning happens out of school and we make sure they are doing extra curricular to the highest level. DC is doing their grade 8 piano next montn and that's exceptionally advanced for their age. We are looking into getting specialist music tuition from a college 4 hours away as we're terrified with music lessons we'll have the same issue as school where DC's brilliance ends up making the teacher feel uncomfortable because the teacher will realise they can't do any more for them. I can just tell that everyone is looking at DC and judging them for being clever.

Nobody has an issue with the first.
Most people have an issue with the second.
It's not the child.

They don't hate gifted kids. They might get a bit frustrated with a parent who continually starts threads about their gifted child asking for advice but refusing to give any relevant information, though. HtH

Robo - you definitely score 10/10 for perservance on this topic.

I am sure you don't mean to, but you come across as more than a bit obsessed about your child's intellect/ability.

I have never, ever met another person, who hates/dislikes/judges/excludes/treats badly a child who is precocious.

It really is the painful wittering of the obsessed parents that people take issue with.

Negative attitudes and hostility towards gifted students is a real, widespread and longstanding problem.

In the US the Marland report (1972) concluded that Identification of gifted students was hampered not only by testing costs, but by both apathy and hostility among teachers, administrators, guidance counselors and psychologists
In Australia the phenomenon is so common it has a name: cutting down the tall poppies
Geake and Gross studied Teachers’ Negative Affect Toward Academically Gifted Students
Hoogeven noted a case where "Other students do not accept him [an accelerated student], partly because they are jealous" and notes in a second study that "we found that the general attitude of secondary school teachers concerning accelerated students is not accurate and rather negative. Cornell (1990) also mentioned prejudicial attitudes in the classroom or school as a possible cause for unpopularity"
And if you want an example of batshit crazy hatred try this.
So the OP's original observation that some (not all) people hate gifted children is entirely correct.

As for attitudes in the UK:
the UK is the only country where the national association for gifted children has gone as far as changing its name specifically to avoid including the word gifted, and changed all their documentation to avoid mentioning the G word at all.

writing about the G&T scheme the Guardian notes " hostility towards a scheme some teachers regard as divisive" and that many G&T educators can cite cases where teachers have included less able students on the programme "to deliberately disrupt the course"
Another interesting persepctive here: "When Simone, an ECHA Specialist in Gifted Education, moved to the UK from her native Netherlands she was shocked by how giftedness is perceived here. Simone’s first surprise was her discovery that in Britain hardly anyone uses the word ‘gifted’. When, as part of her research, Simone began asking parents about giftedness, their reaction was actively hostile. Most Brits, Simone discovered, perceive giftedness as elitist and as conferring even more benefits on already overly-advantaged white, middle-class children ... Simone found that it was only by avoiding any mention of giftedness that she could reach the people she was trying to help."

So, why? I suggest:
Tall poppy syndrome
Envy / Jealousy : other children / classmates wish they were that smart. Parents /teachers wish their own children were.
Insecurity : teachers feel threatened by children whose competence in a subject approaches or exceeds their own, or who may point out mistakes or inconsistencies.
Lack of respect for diversity. schools talk a good talk about respect for ethnic, cultural, religious and gender diversity, but when it comes to intellectual diversity they'd rather pretend we're all the same. gifteds kids are sometimes ostracised by chronological peers with whom they have very little in common.
Resentment: gifted children are harder work. they already know what's on the lesson plan for today and the curriculum for most of the year. differentiation for the gifted puts a burden of extra work on the teacher. Most teachers know they should be doing it, but half of them cant be arsed. Gifted kids are inconvenient.
Anti-elitism, misplaced egalitarianism, and confusing equal opportunities with equal outcomes.

two more:

The large disparity between a gifted kid's attainment and a teacher's previous experience may cause cognitive dissonance. They would rather deny what's in front of them than modify their prejudices.

crab mentailty : "in reference to the phrase crabs in a bucket It describes a way of thinking best described by the phrase “if I can’t have it, neither can you.” The metaphor refers to a pot of crabs. Individually, the crabs could easily escape from the pot, but instead, they grab at each other in a useless “king of the hill” competition which prevents any from escaping and ensures their collective demise. The analogy in human behavior is that members of a group will attempt to “pull down” (negate or diminish the importance of) any member who achieves success beyond the others, out of envy, conspiracy or competitive feelings".

Extrastrong - is that you OP

It is also possible to feel critical of some parents of gifted children precisely because you have experience of giftedness and feel their approach or attitude is unhelpful and is unlikely to allow their children to make the most of their gifts.

I tutor PhD students. I come across some incredibly gifted young people, some of them undeniably more gifted than myself. I'm good with that, in fact I enjoy it.

But the ones who do well intellectually are never the ones who have been encouraged to believe that nothing they do must ever be beneath them, that everything must be neatly graded to make sure it is worthy of their intellectual capacity. I come across such people too. It holds them back.

The ones who actually enjoy their intellectual capacity as adults are the ones who have not been taught to worry obsessively about grades and levels, who enjoy thinking for the fun of stretching their muscles, like a good dancer enjoys dancing for the sake of the music and the rhythm, and who are not always looking over their shoulder to see where the others are.

Oh, and I'm not British btw. Experience has taught me that whenever someone utters the phrase "only in Britain" I might as well stop listening at once because whatever they have to say is never going to be uniquely British in any way.

It is also possible to feel critical of some parents of gifted children precisely because you have experience of giftedness and feel their approach or attitude is unhelpful and is unlikely to allow their children to make the most of their gifts.

So very true!

corythatwas , I don’t know anything about you and I still feel sure your students are lucky to have you.

I teach as well and it really delights me when a student’s ability outstrips mine: surely if we want to cap their skills or knowledge at the point of our own, we’re in the wrong job?

I do find it really hard talking to parents who seem to assume that their child scoring higher on quantifiable gauges of learning/intelligence makes that child a more valuable human being, and/or makes them more valuable human beings.

GoldenMcOldie
I wondered that.
Thread goes quiet for a few days and suddenly more reasons why the world must hate bright children because everyone is threatened by their brilliance.

I think someone's lost a sock somewhere.

I've met parents who think their kids are G&T when they're not. They tend to be the most obnoxious ones.
I've met parents who have G&T kids and have no idea what to do with them. They tend to be quite frustrating.
I've met parents who have G&T kids and that's all they bang on about. They are annoying.
I've met parents who have G&T kids and they take in stride,it's just another characteristic of their kid that gets supported and nurtured like everything else. They're great.

99% of the time it's about the parents not the kids.

I have two, nobody hates us or them for it as far as I know.
However, it's only close friends of them or us that would know they're gifted and it's because they've noticed.

I think perhaps you ought to seek some counselling. I was a gifted child. My parents took the attitude of “that’s lovely, but there are more important things”, and focused on teaching me social skills, emotional maturity and kindness. I had plenty of friends and nobody disliked me. There was another gifted child at my school, and their parents went ON and ON and ON about it. They never invited children they didn’t feel were on their child’s intellectual level to play, and made a song and dance to anyone who would listen about the challenges of a gifted child. Unsurprisingly that child had no friends at all as the parents drove everyone off.

It is categorically THE PARENTS that are the issue and you really need to modify your behaviour.

@GoldenMcOldie Sorry to disappoint. I have a certain amount of sympathy for the OP's point of view, but I don't think their child - however gifted - is ready for KS4 at age 4.

@MaisyPops Again, the evidence is clear that some (not all) people do hate gifted kids - look no further than the poster on this thread who wrote "It’s the parents constant fawning over them that inevitably turns them into insufferable little twats". Hostility against gifted kids has been documented in government reports, textbooks and peer-reviewed journals. The reasons for it (envy, insecurity, etc. ) are basic features of human nature. Hostility against gifted kids is a bit like man-made climate change or the benefits of mass vaccination. There are people who are ignorant of, or deny, the solid evidence base, but they're poorly read and/or a bit of a lunatic fringe.

@Verbena87 "makes that child a more valuable human being, and/or makes them more valuable human beings"

You're confusing worth with need. "My child has needs that are not being met in school" is an entirely different statement to "my child is better than your child".

extra, I think people are generally sympathetic and helpful on this board.
Many of us have experience of our dc's needs not being met.

But it's just impossible with this OP. People ask questions. OP replies with horrible dismissive comments.
No one, even actual teachers aren't able to give her any helpful advice without knowing what is her problem is.
She just bangs on about her dc is profoundly gifted. But we don't even know if he can have meaningful discussion, or write at the senior school level, or even yr5 level, that she says he is ready.

Its really not the gifted kids, its their annoying parents.......

"I am truly humbled this evening............my son just got a scholarship".

Literally the last thing I just read on fb

It's heartbreaking to hear just how widespread and deep rooted the problem is. I really wonder what would make it better as here has shown even calling people out on it and showing evidence doesn't make them realise what they are doing. Some even doubling down. Interesting that this seems to be the one type of prejudice that we have worse than the US when it's usually the other way round.

😂

I really wonder what would make it better

Re-read the replies. There's a clue in there somewhere.

OP, are you reading the thread at all?
What's deep rooted?
Not one person has agreed with you that gifted children are hated. They state it's the parents.
If you are like this in rl, it's not your child they hate, like others have said, it's the parent.

maybe take a look at yourself and how you must come across to other parents. Don't alienate your child from friendships, which you clearly will if you continue like this.