Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Gifted and talented

Talk to other parents about parenting a gifted child on this forum.

Original poster

Why do some people hate gifted kids?

130 replies

RoboJesus · 09/10/2018 19:46

I really don't understand it. Even on here I've seen so much dislike of children who are born naturally smart. I doubt anyone will own up to it but I thought I would try

OP posts:
Orchidflower1 · 09/10/2018 20:34

Gifted children LIKED and humble / unassuming parents/ no sense of entitlement everyone is ok with IE PARENTS FOCUS

Gifted children LIKED and boasty/ condescending/ passive aggressive gloating parents are not liked IE ITS THE PARENTS NOT LIKED - NOT THE CHILD

Hope I’m clear

ShackUp · 09/10/2018 20:35

robojesus

Nobody hates gifted children.

Giftedness in a child doesn't mean you've 'won' the parenting competition.

A child can be super duper advanced but still experience failure due to having a 'spiky' profile.

The most important thing in life is not being the best at something.

lljkk · 09/10/2018 20:36

Who has said they hate your kid, OP?

ShackUp · 09/10/2018 20:37

(DS1 is 'gifted' but probably also has ASD, which is going to be a barrier to learning. He's also lovely and kind, which is more important).

MaisyPops · 09/10/2018 20:40

People have no dislike at all for the children. People have dislike for the insufferable parent.
Pretty much.

Children are very rarely the issue (and even in the rare case they are it's usually because they've adopted their parent's insufferable arrogance).

I give it 5 pages before someone says 'bit why is it ok to celebrate the achievements of normal children or sport children but not gifted ones' in a faux naive way (when everyone knows there is a difference between celebrating achievements and being an insufferable brag).

upsideup · 09/10/2018 20:41

I agree with you OP, Its probably more that they are jealous and find gifted children annoying than hating them though.
My Ex's daughter (so I take no credit, she is not mine) was an incredibly gifted child and lots of adults, paticularly other parents were vile to her.
Precocious also seems to be used a lot as an insult.

Anasnake · 09/10/2018 20:42

Ahh - It's the op that wants to skip primary altogether and send her 4 year old straight into high school. Yet won't say how the child is gifted or how they've ever been assessed despite being asked countless times on every thread she posts. Hmm

jeanne16 · 09/10/2018 20:43

RoboJesus.
Why on earth do you keep starting bizarre threads on the same topic?

MaisyPops · 09/10/2018 20:46

jeanne16
Is this the same poster who started threads a while ago about why schools are rubbish, no teacher could match their child's brilliance and heads should let them flexi school but only to make friends? (Or am I thinking if a different thread)

Anasnake · 09/10/2018 20:46

That's the one Maisy

E20mom · 09/10/2018 20:48

I'm not sure they do.

Harriedharriet · 09/10/2018 20:49

My friend has a gifted child. I love my friend. The never ending exceptionalism is draining. Pretty appalling petty behaviors are excused because ...... exceptionalism. My children only exist as (fairly) decent playmates for hers.
I really like her children. I really love her. In answer to your OP - it is the parents.

stellabird · 09/10/2018 20:50

My DD teaches gifted and talented children at a ritzy girls' school. she says that the children are lovely, but the parents are often ghastly.

NameChanger22 · 09/10/2018 20:50

DD is was labelled gifted. I don't like silly labels. I didn't tell friends and people I know because I knew it would piss people off. The only people I did tell were the grandparents and they said "really???" with a perplexed look.

Kay2705 · 09/10/2018 20:57

It's the parents they dislike and I'm sure you are one of them OP

JeanPagett · 09/10/2018 21:02

Not particularly shocked at who the OP here is Hmm

As others have said I genuinely can't think of an example where people dislike a gifted child, rather than dislike the parents.

I think a lot of the issues arise when a parent thinks v young child showing some advanced, but not uncommonly so, abilities is the next Einstein/ Hawking etc.

I also think there can be a failure on the part of gifted children's parents to give sufficient weight to their child's social and emotional development with their peer group which can often be frustrating for other posters.

Of course this being an Internet forum there is often also a healthy amount of scepticism about the amaaaaazing abilities some DC's supposedly have. Extremely gifted children are extraordinarily rare and yet you hear of about three a week on MN...

BestZebbie · 09/10/2018 21:02

Don't know about parents, but other children often hate gifted children. It is nothing to do with "jealousy", it is because by overachieving the gifted child sets expectations for everyone higher and/or shows them up and thus is 'letting the side down' by making life more difficult for everyone else.

oldbirdy · 09/10/2018 21:03

I hate the word "gifted". It smacks of superiority and in any case being highly able is often a two edged sword, is linked with autism for example.

One of my kids is pretty smart. Had cognitive assessment at 99.5 percentile but >99.9 for fluid reasoning. This by a Ed psych pal to test a new assessment tool, not a formal assessment for school or anything. He struggled a bit in early years as he would annoy the others by answering for them, correcting them, reading things, not understanding that the other kids couldn't all do that yet. As the others have learned skill acquisition the gap is much less obvious. He still does the coding in 5 mins then helps the others, but he has no sense of superiority. I have never mentioned his academic ability though most of the parents have cottoned on. No one has ever treated ds poorly because of it. But he's a kind, gentle kid who is never mean, doesn't boast and is well liked. He knows he's "good at maths" but he has no idea HOW good he is.

I think the key is not giving a message that "your curriculum has nothing to offer me", or assuming that it is essential that your child's development is vertical, whereas breadth of understanding makes a good base. Had I worked with him at home, ds could have done GCSE maths in year 5, if we'd covered the curriculum (so said his 11+ tutor). But why? So we can say he could? And then at secondary, what?

Echobelly · 09/10/2018 21:05

I agree with all those who say it's the parents who go on about it that they can't stand!

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 09/10/2018 21:09

Nobody dislikes gifted children. Parents like you on the other hand @robojesus 🙄

Orchidflower1 · 09/10/2018 21:10

Ah I’ve recalled the flexi school thread- is this the same op? Is it likely there will be a response?

Ohluckyme · 09/10/2018 21:12

Boasting is a trait which people detest. It’s not that hard to understand. It is possible to have a gifted child without telling people you know.

PerspicaciaTick · 09/10/2018 21:16

Despite what it sounds like on social media, normal adults simply don't go around hating people.
They may find some people annoying, or trying to be around, they may not enjoy some people's company or opinions. But hate? Nope.

Purplehammer · 09/10/2018 21:26

It’s the parents constant fawning over them that inevitably turns them into insufferable little twats.

shamofamockery · 09/10/2018 21:33

ODFOD.