DH took himself to A&E this morning as he is in such pain and although he had a hospital appointment for a scan on Wednesday, he could not bear the pain and discomfort he is in any longer.
For the past 6 weeks he has been suffering from lower back pain which has become increasingly worse and for the last week or so has included pins & needles/jelly like sensation in his legs. Initially the GP said it was a kidney infection and gave him some ABs (the first he has ever taken, at 51 years old!). These had no effect whatsoever, so DH went back to the GP who then diagnosed possible kidney stones and got him booked in for a scan & ultrasound treatment. The GP said that the swelling in the groin area DH had was unrelated and probably just a strain (it didn't hurt DH so he was unconcerned).
The hospital have now admitted DH and have said that it absolutely has nothing to do with his kidneys, but they are concerned by a swelling in his neck and also the swelling in his groin and think it could be a problem with his lymph glands. They are hoping to do an MRI scan in the next few hours, but obviously being a bank holiday this might not happen until tomorrow.
Bloody Google - of course now I am imagining the worst and am worried sick. I guess there's nothing anyone can do or say to reassure me at the moment, but does anyone have any clue what this could be?? I feel so helpless - stuck at home with our two little girls, the youngest of whom has just turned 5 weeks old.
Shit.
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General health
This doesn't look terribly good, does it?
Rindercella · 03/05/2010 14:20
Sorry, haven't looked at thread for a couple of days so haven't seen the messages. I am so touched that people are thinking of us, it means a lot. Really, it means a heck of a lot.
DH seems quite a bit better at the moment. I think that the combination of everything - a young baby (still not sleeping through), a boisterous young child, a house move, supporting me (while being upset himself) following Dad's death, a big party, getting his business established coupled with his illness took its toll on DH. Hardly surprising really. I feel knackered just typing that out!
DH seems to have rallied somewhat, but he is a very seriously ill man. I hate it. I really, really hate it. My Dad is dead. And I really, really hate that.
A feeling of helplessness is right. But I really only feel that in my darkest moments. Most of the time it's fine - life takes over. Our two girls are just amazing and make us laugh.
I will keep posting here, as it helps so much. I think I just need to roll with whatever is thrown at us and be strong to support DH when he needs it. Am trying to get some extra help sorted out at home to try and give me a break so that I am in a better position to be able to do that. Anyone looking for a few hours a week as a Mother's Help??! 
Posh & Twofalls, thank you both very much for your kind words. Posh, I am very sorry to hear of your mother's illness, it must be so hard for you. I wish her (and you - always see you around on here & always like you 
) all the very best.
Today's been better, mainly because DH has been up & about and really quite chirpy. He is so bloody sensible that when he has to rest, that's exactly what he does. It sends me into despair though as I worry so much for him and can't bear to think of him in any pain/discomfort. He says that next time he sees the consultant he is going to talk to them about changing his treatment as he doesn't feel that the current combination of drugs is strong enough.
Cancer is such a fucking bastard bastard thing.
Twofalls, I often think of you - I had your nasty shopkeeper thread on watch, but it disappeared. Did you get it pulled? What was the outcome of the case? How's your DD and your baby?
Thanks for all your good thoughts everyone, they mean a lot
Things are bumbling along. DH gets very tired, but seems to be moderating himself mostly pretty well. He rests when he can, even if he doesn't particularly feel like it. He even cancelled a customer meeting the other day as he felt too tired...I was reaaly pleased that he did this as he's self employed and I know it's really difficult for him postponing potential business. His next appt is in a couple of weeks. I wouldn't be surprised if his results aren't great this time. DH feels that he needs stronger treatment at the moment.
The girls are both amazing, but DD2 appears to be a little night owl and keeps us both up for much of the night sometimes. I don't really want to, but I think I will have to introduce a bottle in the evenings to try and fill her up a bit more. She's just 6 months and I'm weaning her - even though she eats loads it doesn't ever seem to be enough 
and
I have found a wonderful mother's help though, she'll be coming twice a week for a few hours each time. That's going to work really well.
My own health is a bit crap really. I had blood tests last week as my hair is falling out much more than it should be (have none left on my arms & legs), they must have found something amiss as I need a fasting blood test done later this week. Probably deficient in something.
My mum has just gone home after being here for a few days, which was lovely. She just slots in and seems to love being here. And we all love her being here too. She appears to be coping remarkably well after losing Dad, but I know how sad and lost she feels without him. A huge chasm who can never, ever be replaced 
Twofalls I'm north from you, but thank you so much for your offer will PM you to see if you ever fancy meeting for a coffee. Am pretty sure that our DDs are all around the same age - DD1 is 3 and DD2 is 6 mths.
Thanks again everyone, will post again soon - it helps
nothing really wise to say, other than i wish you all the best, and you sound like an amazingly strong family
Hi, haven't looked at this thread for a while. It's amazing how rl gets in the way of MN these days! It takes quite a lot from me to post on this particular thread too as it forces me to think about DH's illness, which is something I try not to do.
First the good stuff DD2 is now 7 months old and just an amazingly well and happy baby. She doesn't sleep great though Still, I know that will pass and she did have a few nights recently where she slept for 12 straight hours, but then I had flu so was kept awake by night sweats/tremors/etc and didn't benefit at all. How bloody typical is that?! Her sleep has been a bit interrupted for the last couple of nights but she has now proved that she can do it so hopefully I can help her find that rhythm again. Oh, she is such a beautiful baby And DD1 (3yrs) is just a darling. She spends the 12 daylight hourse zooming around, chattering, laughing, playing. And then crashes out for 12 hours at night! She's been like that for the last 2 years!!
That's a lot about my children!! But it is good stuff.
DH is forcing himself to rest loads at the moment. He saw the consultant a couple of weeks ago, and as I suspected his PSA levels had shot right up again. The should be 3 or 4. On diagnosis they were 1900 (still makes me shudder seeing that). In July they went down to 145. By the beginning of September they went back up to 300 and something. Then a fortnight ago they were up to 700. So he's been pulled off the trial, still has the hormone implant and also has another drug to take daily. Think it's also a hormone thing, but stronger. So although hugely disappointing I don't think either of us was terribly surprised at the news.
It really is a case of just taking it as it comes and hope for the best. I asked DH the other day how he was feeling about it all and his main feeling is one of frustration. He's not nearly as strong/agile as he was a few short months ago (6 actually - I can't believe it is 6 months, nearly, that he was diagnosed) so is not able to really pick the girls up and play with them, bath them, do stuff around the house - he was always one of those men who had no problem unloading the dishwasher or washng machine. Now he can't as it causes him too much discomfort. Also he gets tired very easily and so isn't putting as much into his business as he would like to.
He never, ever complains about his illness. He never says, 'poor me' even when I moan about how shit I am feeling with the flu 
He heard today from someone he knew whose 19 year old DD has breast cancer which has spread and is said to be terminal. DH's first reaction was to find out what he can do to help. 19 years old. How bloody sad is that?
Sometimes I feel like I am in mourning for what our life used to be like, but it's difficult to mourn something if you're not 100% sure that it's been lost. I really hope it hasn't been lost and that we can, in time, return to some sort of semblance of what we had. I think of all the places we had already taken DD1, lovely holidays abroad, so many weekends away in the UK. DD2 has stayed in one hotel. In Leatherhead.
That sounds awful. It's not about the holidays, it's about the memories. DD1 remembers everything and I love that (mostly!). I want them both to have loads of happy memories of all of us, regardless of what happens with DH's illness. Special trips away help with that.
Oh, speaking of special places we finally got around to using one of DH's presents for my 40th birthday (he walked himself into A&E the day after), which was a 5 course lunch at Le Manoir. It was bloody lovely! DH enjoyed it so much I think I may treat him again for a Christmas present.
God, I have wittered on. Who knew I had so much to say? I did have a look at the Macmillan forum but found it too much for me, just for the moment. Here's good.
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Me again
Just an update/outpouring really. This thread has been so helpful to me, thanks to all of you lovely, lovely people offering kindness and support.
DH has improved over the last month or so. He saw the consultant about 2 or 3 weeks ago and the new drug seems to be having a positive effect - his PSA had halved in a month, so that was great news. He says he can feel it working and that he feels his legs are getting stronger and stronger. So that's really fanastic news. He doesn't need to see the consultant again until February - he was apparently delighted with the way DH had responded.
Probably very stupidly, I have done some research into 'widespread bone metastases' and it doesn't make happy reading. I am floundering really as DH is determined to forge ahead, with his fantastic positive attitude and I lie awake through the early hours worrying and knowing that worse is going to hit us - in 6 months, a year, 2 years time - it ain't going to be good.
Coupled with this I am struggling very badly with Dad's death. It just makes DH's illness seem all the worse somehow and I miss my Dad so bloody badly.
The girls are fine and looking after them certainly keeps me busy and my mind mostly occupied. DD1 did say the other day - when I said to go & give Daddy a kiss to help make him feel a bit better, "a kiss isn't going to make Daddy's back better Mummy" which just broke my heart.
I love DH so, so much. I can't lose him. We're going to grow old together.
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