This doesn't look terribly good, does it?

[Rindercella]

DH took himself to A&E this morning as he is in such pain and although he had a hospital appointment for a scan on Wednesday, he could not bear the pain and discomfort he is in any longer.

For the past 6 weeks he has been suffering from lower back pain which has become increasingly worse and for the last week or so has included pins & needles/jelly like sensation in his legs. Initially the GP said it was a kidney infection and gave him some ABs (the first he has ever taken, at 51 years old!). These had no effect whatsoever, so DH went back to the GP who then diagnosed possible kidney stones and got him booked in for a scan & ultrasound treatment. The GP said that the swelling in the groin area DH had was unrelated and probably just a strain (it didn't hurt DH so he was unconcerned).

The hospital have now admitted DH and have said that it absolutely has nothing to do with his kidneys, but they are concerned by a swelling in his neck and also the swelling in his groin and think it could be a problem with his lymph glands. They are hoping to do an MRI scan in the next few hours, but obviously being a bank holiday this might not happen until tomorrow.

Bloody Google - of course now I am imagining the worst and am worried sick. I guess there's nothing anyone can do or say to reassure me at the moment, but does anyone have any clue what this could be?? I feel so helpless - stuck at home with our two little girls, the youngest of whom has just turned 5 weeks old.

Shit.

Oh God, we have just had such good news, I had to share it. DH has just seen the consultant and his PSA levels (normal reading for someone his age is around 3; his were 1900 when diagnosed) have dropped to 145. They have basically halved at each reading. So although he still has a very, very long way to go it is just fantastic news.

He is responding to treatment far better than could have been hoped and they are so pleased with him.

After the absolutely awful last couple of months (my dear, dear Dad died very suddenly last week), this is just such brilliant news.

Next challenge is Dad's funeral on Friday. Challenge after that is moving house next Thursday (with a toddler and 4 month old).

Thanks fantastic news! Fingers crossed things are on the up for you all now x

Thanks for telling us the good news!

glad to hear good news Rindercella. take it easy though, dontburn yourself out

have been lurking but glad to hear your good news

So sorry to hear about your dad though. Was that sudden? How are you coping?

What fabulous news about your DH - I'm so pleased for you {smile].

Very, very sorry about your Dad, though. Mine died very suddenly a few years ago and I well remember the "What? Where did that come from?" feeling.

Thanks everyone, most especially lisa.

Dad died last Monday ofa kidney failure. Although he'd suffered from this last year, he had recovered well and was feeling and looking great. Mum found him collapsed in the utility room, air ambulance, etc., truned up who were fab, but he died a little while later in hospital. His last memory will be at the farm, where he had lived for some 50 plus years. Grief is hitting me in waves, very difficult. But hearing DH's news today was a huge relief.

Pixie, Sariska, will be back to the PN group sometime soon. I just cannot keep up with you all & don't want to force you all to listen to my woes. DD2 is bloody gorgeous though!

Rinders, I'm really sorry about your Dad

What a year you are having. It's brilliant news about DH though - well done both of you, and keep it going!

Have you got enough help with the moving house? I hope it goes as well as it can.

Just a quick update from me, it's been a while.

DH is continuing to do well, he's looking well and generally feeling well although does get very tired. He certainly gets more stressed and snappy about stuff, but I am guessing this is mainly the drugs. Hey ho, irritable darling husband (and I really do mean darling, I love him to bits) to contend with on top of everything else.

His next appointment with the oncologist is at the end of the month. Hopefully I will be able to go with him for once (DD1's b'day is the day before, so hopefully we may have a straggler from her party to look after her for a couple of hours!).

The house move was great...we had SIL, DSS and his friend come up and help us unpack (after movers packed and then unloaded/rebuilt all our furniture) and then my lovely brother came and put up blinds, curtains, etc. I think it's been v frustrating for DH as normally he'd have done this all himself.

I am v frustrated now as my very specific set of circumstances (DH's illness, Dad's death, etc) have identified me to someone in rl so I can't really be as open as I'd like to be. Nothing about her, but just about my feelings and worries, etc. But I can't namechange as then I wouldn't have my backstory so wouldn't have the context needed to get proper support/adivce. Not something I really needed right now, but hey ho.

Rinders - I'm really sorry to hear you feel vulnerable on here now.

I don't know a way around it...similar thing happened to me one time, my best friend found me on here and it was a disaster! However many namechanges I managed, she knew instantly. She couldn't help it either.

I hope you manage to keep posting, somehow. I'm glad your DH is doing so well. That is such wonderful news.

I will continue to think of you both and wish him well very quickly. You sound like a brilliant wife and he is lucky to have you by his side.

Lots of love x

Just me again

Wanted to post as feeling really down this weekend, probably because DH has had to spend the w/end in bed and I just feel so lost and worried. It's not good is it? He has prostrate cancer (and his PSA has gone up to over 300 again), plus secondary bone and lymph node cancer. I hate it. I HATE IT. I HATE IT.

Please God make him well. Most days he is. But this weekend he is not.

I feel overwhelmed by everything at the moment. I miss my Dad so much. I miss the fit and healthy husband I used to have so much. It's just so shit. Please can someone help me with these feelings? Please.

It's normal for you to be feeling like this, you are still grieving for your father and things are so hard for you. It's really horrible feeling so helpless. Take one day at a time, just remember that you are not alone through this, there's alot of people on here and in real life that are thinking of you all xx

Thanks Belle. It's good to vent and it's good to know that people are thinking of us. That feeling of helplessness is just awful. If I'm honest, I am pretty sure DH is pretty fucked actually. However well he rallies, however well he looks, the cancer is so aggressive I just know it's going to get him in the end. And that end will be sooner rather than later - so years rather than decades.

Reading back some of my earlier posts on this thread, I just want to say a sincere, heartfelt sorry to my wonderful MIL. I know she will never get to read this, but I said some pretty awful things about her during that awful time. Bless her, over the last few months she has come to our rescue more times than I care to count. She is a wonderful woman who just happened to be around when no-one could have said or done anything right in my eyes. Which was really unfair of me because it was her darling son - her firstborn - who had just been diagnosed with this bastard disease.

I can't even come close to imagining how had this is for all of you Rinders. Try not to loose hope though, medicine is a science and people do have a habit of surprising the doctors, it can be hard to find the strength though I think.
I think you should tell your mil how much she means to you and how incredibly grateful you are, she will understand how painful this is for all of you.

Hi sweetie.

I wondered how you were both doing.
I'm sorry it is not good at the moment.

I don't know what else to say but I often, often think about you and your darling husband and your little ones.

You are in all our thoughts, if that helps at all. I mean I know it doesn't stop it hurting and being a horrible situation. But we do care about you and we will be here for the foreseeable.

It must be hard not letting DH see how upset you are.

Im thinking of you too and hoping things gets brighter.

I've just sat and read this thread for the first time - your courage and grim determination despite all the relentless shit that has been flung at you is unbelievable. I'm so sorry about your father, I'm so sorry the cancer's spread.

I hope your doing ok, I have been so impressed and touched by how you've coped with everything and seem to be holding it all together especially when you had a new baby.

I have my fingers crossed that your DH will get better and you can get back to being the family that you deserve to be.

Thinking of you x

Thank you all so much for your kind messages of support. I guess this weekend has just been one of those crappy weekends.

Every time DH feels under the weather we assume it's the cancer. Sometimes it's not - it could just be a cold or a chill or something - but I guess sometimes it is going to be. I think DH has actually exhausted himself. We've had the house move (there's always a job to be done), plus it was DD1's 3rd b'day last weekend and we had a big joint party for that and the housewarming. Plus DH went to see his football team play the day before that (round journey of c. 300 miles). So no wonder he's bloody knackered.

I am so gutted though that his PSA levels have gone up. The consultant didn't seem that concerned but his PSA is now over 300 which is really high (although obviously much less than when he was first diagnosed).

Things are never going to be the same and I am so worried he's going to go downhill and suffer. He really, really doesn't deserve it (does anyone) and I just want to make him well again.

In the waiting room at the Churchill last week I noticed among the magazines there was a copy of Architectural Digest and Heat. Seeing those two publications together really brought home just how indiscriminate this disease is.

Our DDs are just the best. DD1 is super high maintenance and lovely and affectionate and funny and sweet and DD2 is still the calmest, sweetest little baby ever. I am very lucky to have them