This doesn't look terribly good, does it?

[Rindercella]

DH took himself to A&E this morning as he is in such pain and although he had a hospital appointment for a scan on Wednesday, he could not bear the pain and discomfort he is in any longer.

For the past 6 weeks he has been suffering from lower back pain which has become increasingly worse and for the last week or so has included pins & needles/jelly like sensation in his legs. Initially the GP said it was a kidney infection and gave him some ABs (the first he has ever taken, at 51 years old!). These had no effect whatsoever, so DH went back to the GP who then diagnosed possible kidney stones and got him booked in for a scan & ultrasound treatment. The GP said that the swelling in the groin area DH had was unrelated and probably just a strain (it didn't hurt DH so he was unconcerned).

The hospital have now admitted DH and have said that it absolutely has nothing to do with his kidneys, but they are concerned by a swelling in his neck and also the swelling in his groin and think it could be a problem with his lymph glands. They are hoping to do an MRI scan in the next few hours, but obviously being a bank holiday this might not happen until tomorrow.

Bloody Google - of course now I am imagining the worst and am worried sick. I guess there's nothing anyone can do or say to reassure me at the moment, but does anyone have any clue what this could be?? I feel so helpless - stuck at home with our two little girls, the youngest of whom has just turned 5 weeks old.

Shit.

Atlantis I agree with you about both the cancer sufferer and the carer needing to let it all out. DH was relentlessly positive to his friends and family, and so was I for the most part, but we did have some very teary moments together; and we did do some practical things, like making our wills (I think DH was worried that I'd give all his money to the Cat's Home )

I think it really does depend on the sort of person you are. My Dad had cancer and very much took each day as it came. My mum is one of those 'don't be daft' people, and it really got to him some days. So there is a balance to be struck.

Rinders ask lots of questions tomorrow. DHs consultant was a absolute star and very reassuring, and no question was too trivial for him. Definitely write everything down that you want to ask, so that you won't forget anything.

Great news about the house move, too!

Rinders, just noticed this and am so pleased to hear that there is lots of positive forward motion for you all Being such a strong family unit will be helpful to all of you, since it seems you have a safe place to offload the difficult stuff to each other as well as the cheerful coping stuff.

Just to add to Merrylegs' and others' posts about crap GPs, my brother visited his GP repeatedly over a period of several months with the following, escalating symptoms: increasingly debilitating back pain and restricted movement; left sided sciatica; left sided pain in testicle; inability to bear weight on left side; urinary incontinence while sleeping. He was sent away with painkillers, advice to come back in two weeks if it wasn't better, referral to a urologist, a neurologist (both non-urgent), antibiotics and physiotherapy. The one thing he really needed and repeatedly asked for, an MRI to see wtf was going on, was never granted as he was not deemed urgent enough. By early January (two weeks before he was rushed to a specialist hospital for emergency spinal decompression) his GP had relented enough to refer for a non-urgent MRI, which would take up to a year. My brother had visited A&E twice by this point, spending hours standing up (he was unable to sit due to the pain) to try and see someone who could actually help him.

I don't expect a general practitioner to realise straight away that they are looking at a case of one of the rarest cancers around. But I do expect proper, thorough investigations to be commissioned, particularly when the patient is someone who has previously had no history of incontinence, sciatica, crippling pain or reduced movement.

Anyway, sorry for the random rant there. The point is, your DH is right to rise above the poor treatment shown by that one GP and I do admire him for doing so. He sounds like a lovely person and so do you

Oh, re. treatment ups and downs - my bro had loads of treatment but the one he really hated was chemotherapy. It made him moody and fed up for days, when his usual outlook was stoically positive. I'm sure you will all find days like that, cancer treatments are strong stuff. Just keep looking ahead to that bright future.

Hi - Just found this thread and thought I would add my good wishes and hope for a speedy recovery of your DH. My DH is another who spent months last year being misdiagnosed by the GP. Turned out he had bowel cancer, but the care he received once the diagnosis had been made was first rate and really shows how fantastic our health system can be. His 6 month check was clear, and he is going for his 12 months 'camera up the bum check' in a couple of weeks, so fingers crossed. At least our GP had the good grace to apologise!

Good news first - house move is progressing fast. Am instructing the letting agents to start advertising this house next week (as we're not selling this house, just going to rent it out). New house is gorgeous and so much more practical than our current place (which is on 3 floors). Much more space for us and for people to come to stay. Even if we need a live in nanny/au pair (which we've been discussing), the house will be big enough.

Right, saw the consultant yesterday and despite some pretty grim news, we actually both feel positive & strong about the future. DH's cancer is very aggressive (common in younger people apparently) and has spread from the prostrate to his bones and possibly his lymph nodes too. He has been given the option of having a trial course of treatment - none of it is anything new, just new combinations of tried & tested treatments. So he could continue with just the hormone implant, or he could have that with chemo, or he could have the hormone implant, chemo and something to strengthen his bones, or there are a couple of other combinations.

He has decided that as it is so aggressive the best course of action will be to treat it as aggressively as possible (kind of fighting fire with fire). We met the nurse sort of in charge of the programme and he's got her number so we're putting together a list of questions for her.

So, frightening stuff. But we know what we're dealing with. The doctor was actually pleased with some things - the strength in his legs and the fact that the pain has totally gone from his back indicate that the radiotherapy has reduced the size of the tumor - which must surely be good news.

Speaking to a couple of people - my mother, one of my SILs - their reaction to this news has been shocked, tearful, etc., but I genuinely feel so strong and this comes totally from DH's strength. I just cannot sit here and think, "oh poor us...toddler, new baby and Richard has cancer. Why, why, why???" I can't dwell on that. I actually can't dwell on the fact that DH does have cancer. How can I react in that way when it's DH who's got this bastard disease and is the one who is going to have to go through all the treatment, yet is so (genuinely) positive?

Thanks for the update I've been thinking of you both. Sorry it's aggresive but so glad you're both being positive. I'm sure you're family are just so shocked and saddened by it all.

You have a lot of stress right now not just with this, no doubt you're working on auto pilot. Try to rest when you can though so you don't crash.

best wishes to you both xx

Rinders sorry to here that the cancer is aggressive but, as you say, there are some positive signs too with the back pain going.

I think you and DH will draw strength from each other. As I said in my other post DH and I had some teary moments, but most of the time, and especially to other people, we were strong. If your DH is anything like mine he will hate being fussed over (except by you ) and will just want to get on with his treatment so that he can look forward to being with your family in your beautiful new house.

Just make sure that you allow yourself to 'feel' - I went around like on auto-pilot for a while after DHs diagnosis, and then it just hit me and I got very stressed and sick. It's okay to be scared and say "this isn't fucking fair" to RL friends and people on here. You've got a hell of a lot on your plate at the moment, and you need to look after yourself.

Wishing you lots of luck xxx

Oh my, I cannot believe you are also moving house in the midst of all this. You are one strong lady! I hope everything with the move goes as smoothy as realistically possible and you'll enjoy your new house .

Something another poster said a few days ago struck a chord with me: It is of course great that your DH is such a positive and strong person, however it is only natural that he will have low times as well and IMO it is very important to allow him that as well. 'Relentless cheeriness' can be very hard work for the person who is dealing with the bad news of illness, demanding treatment and insecurity of what the future holds. Having to 'hold it together' for everybody is an added burden.
The same goes for you as his loving partner of course as well. Just be kind to each other, acknowledge how scary it all is - and then put your heads back down and get on with it. Which is what you are doing so admirably well .
I am v impressed with how your DH can rise above his original doc's behaviour... I hope I am more able to hold my hand up for mistakes I (no doubt) might make. I really hope you are both now happy and confident with the care he is getting.

I am sure you and your girls are a great help to keeping him in a positive frame of mind.

Thanks Shiney - have sent you a request Hope your Mum is recovering now?

Thanks Pixie and I know...it's just that I don't think I can allow myself to let my mind wander into where this may take us - the thought is just too awful to contemplate. I do feel quite lonely sometimes though - at the end of the evening, I always take a cup of tea up to DH (who spends most of his time in the spare room and always sleeps in there) and we have a chat. But I do miss cuddling up to him terribly.

sorry to read that your husband has cancer, it is a scary word but its amazing how quickly you adapt to stuff, treatment plans blood counts and stuff we used to call it our new normal. get a mac nurse and look at joining the macmillan forum they offer a lot of info advice and support.

The treatments available now are amazing. I have every confidence that your DH will kick cancer's moany arse out the door.

Sweetheart have you got a Macmillan person yet? They can really take some of the burden off you, in terms of sorting out meds, anything you might need like a downstairs bed or whatever...even if it is only temporarily!
Well done for getting homestart organised, and everything else you are doing.
I'm glad to hear DH is taking part in a trial. Trials can often offer the best chance of remission.

Good luck...keep offloading if you need to. x

Good luck to you both, Rinders, I've only just seen this. Sendng you both strength xx

How are you all doing? xx

Hi, thanks to you all again for your thoughts and well wishes.

We're doing fine and DH is up & about, has already put 5lb back on in weight so continues to look better. He is being fantastic at pacing himself - he does something then he forces himself to rest, regardless of whether or not he actually feels tired at the time. He is doing this clinical trial for treatment which is the hormone implant and also another medication to treat the bones. I am not entirely sure of the details, but they don't think he would benefit from chemo at the moment (which I guess I am relieved about).

Life is returning to normal. DD1 is settling down (probably because I am feeling so much calmer) and DD2 is just a little star - a great sleeper and so calm and content for the rest of the time.

Fingers crossed, the house move is still going ahead - we're looking to exchange next week. As well as a proper removal company, we're roping in lots of other people to help out - either with the physical move or with helping to look after the DDs.

Emotionally we're both good. DH is still sleeping in the spare bed though and I miss him at nights, just to cuddle up to. I guess in time this will change and he's most comfortable by himself at the moment.

Rindercella

I am so pleased for you all. You are so strong and so is your DH by the sound of things.

'Normal'. You don't realise what it is until it gets taken away from you. Your posts are now wonderfully positive and long may they continue to be.

DH will be back stealing the quilt before you know it!

Good luck with the house move, a fresh start for you all IYKWIM.

Take care x

Only just come on and checked this thread Have to say my MN addiction use has dipped rather dramatically in the last couple of months!

Thank you all for your thoughts and well wishes. We're getting on fine, although I have had a bit of a wobble the last few days. Think it's mainly because I'm knackered - DD2's sleep has gone to pot in the heat, so I am subsequently suffering.

DH is doing well and says he can feel his body responding to the treatment. He called the clinical nurse today and was immensely reassured that the aches he is experiencing is his body was reacting in the right way, as opposed to the cancer getting worse. He's next seeing the consultant in a couple of weeks' time.

Mostly though I really really miss him. Sounds strange as he is obviously around and relatively well, etc., but we haven't shared the same bed since DD2 was 3 days old - she's now 3 months and I really miss him at night. Not for the sex (although am missing that too), but for the comfort and warmth and cuddles. It sounds so selfish of me I know - my darling husband has cancer and all I can do is moan that he's sleeping in another room! It doesn't stop me missing him though.

Our house move is progessing, slowly. Still haven't exchanged yet, but we're still hopeful that we'll be moving this month. It really is a beautiful house. Both the DDs are just gorgeous and doing brillantly. x