This doesn't look terribly good, does it?

[Rindercella]

DH took himself to A&E this morning as he is in such pain and although he had a hospital appointment for a scan on Wednesday, he could not bear the pain and discomfort he is in any longer.

For the past 6 weeks he has been suffering from lower back pain which has become increasingly worse and for the last week or so has included pins & needles/jelly like sensation in his legs. Initially the GP said it was a kidney infection and gave him some ABs (the first he has ever taken, at 51 years old!). These had no effect whatsoever, so DH went back to the GP who then diagnosed possible kidney stones and got him booked in for a scan & ultrasound treatment. The GP said that the swelling in the groin area DH had was unrelated and probably just a strain (it didn't hurt DH so he was unconcerned).

The hospital have now admitted DH and have said that it absolutely has nothing to do with his kidneys, but they are concerned by a swelling in his neck and also the swelling in his groin and think it could be a problem with his lymph glands. They are hoping to do an MRI scan in the next few hours, but obviously being a bank holiday this might not happen until tomorrow.

Bloody Google - of course now I am imagining the worst and am worried sick. I guess there's nothing anyone can do or say to reassure me at the moment, but does anyone have any clue what this could be?? I feel so helpless - stuck at home with our two little girls, the youngest of whom has just turned 5 weeks old.

Shit.

[IwishIwasmoreorganised]

Rinders - I'm glad to see that you're allowing yourself to express some of the anger and frustration that you must be feeling right now. Keep it coming - you need to let it out and this is a harmless place for things like that.

I'm glad that your DH has got a diagnosis and that the cancer hasn't spread.

I'm also glad that you have plenty of offers of help and support - please take up all offers that you think really will be useful.

I wish I lived closer and could be of more practical support, but I'm thinking of you and your family and will be keeping my eye open for updates.

Look after yourself and your dd's during this difficult time.

xx

[Dalrymps]

So so sorry to hear this rinders

As you say, it's good that it hasn't spread and he's fit, hold on to that. ((hugs))

Thinking of you and your family at this time x

[lilolilmanchester]

very worrying time for you and sorry you and DH are having to go through this... a friend of ours was diagnosed with prostate cancer about 4 years ago. He has recovered and recently celebrated a significant birthday at one time he was worried he wouldn't make. He too is very fit and has an extremely positive outlook so hopefully those things will bode well for your DH too

[cyteen]

Dalrymps! Sorry for hijack, but I was thinking about you the other day, that I hadn't noticed you post for ages, and wondered how you are getting on. Not in a stalky way but I remember threads about your DS1 and food...hope all is good with you and yours anyway

[TheCrackFox]

Rinder, I am sorry to hear about your DH's diagnosis.

Cancer is a fucker but it can be beaten.

[Rindercella]

Once again, thank you so much for everyone's support, positive vibes and prayers (religious or otherwise ).

Today has been a good day and we've had some pretty positive news. The consultant told DH he has been responding well to the radiotherapy and so they are going to be reducing the strength for the remaining 3 sessions. DH can definitely feel the pain in his back subsiding - the physio is very pleased with him - mind you, he's a v athletic chap who used to run 400 metres in under 50 seconds without any coaching and still has amazingly strong legs.

The cancer definitely hasn't spread, which is great news. And however devastatingly shit this has been, I guess it could have been a whole lot worse.

DH is still as positive as ever and I am starting to share those thoughts with him.

MIL is driving me a bit potty (especially with how she deals with DD1) but I have vented about it to a couple of friends so that I can continue being kind to a lady who's beautiful son has cancer. Just don't get me started on her frigging chicken soup

[Rindercella]

Just to clarify, I meant that DH is an athletic chap. I am clueless about how fast the consulant can run 400m in!

[lisad123wantsherquoteinDM]

LOL at MIL, mines crasy too and yuck to chicken soup.How can anyone really think that makes you better?? If foul and makes you sicker, I am certain of it How old are your children? How are they doing? Thinking of you x

[Rindercella]

lisa. I know it's given her something to focus on, but she's gone on and on and on about that bloody soup all day. DH first of all said don't bother, but then to make her happy said he'd love some. Oh, the joy about it!

DD1 is 2.8 and DD2 is just 6 weeks old today.

Oh, I saw my GP today for my/DD2's 6 week check and she was wonderful. She's getting teh HV to look into some extra help for me in the home, just until we get stable again.

[treedelivery]

I'm sorry to hear about your DH, but very glad indeed to hear that the news is encouraging and positive.

And many congratulations on your dd. No doubt his 3 women will help keep him the strong motivated positive person he is, even through these crappy times.

Homestart is probably what the hv means, and they would be brill.

[lisad123wantsherquoteinDM]

Still very young, I guess atleast the 6 week old wont notice as much as the 2 year old, but still they pick up on things. Im so glad the news has a positive focus and you seem to have so much support around you, you def need it. Do they know how long he will be in hospital for?
Homestart sounds great, they are a great load of ladies
I also found writing a blog helps, saves you repeating yourself a 1000 times and answering the phone and talking, when all you want is sleep

Radio is good news, as isnt as strong as chemo and less side effects so all positive

still chicken soup!!

[PacificDogwood]

Oh, it's nice to hear you sounding so positive today, Rindercella

And I am very glad that you found your GP supportive - do accept any help that is offered.

AFAIK, chicken soup has only been shown to be good for the common cold, not for nasty frigging cancer - but hey, if your DH has the emotional reserves to indulge his mother (who no doubt will be terrified for her boy), good on him!

Hope you can have a nice weekend !

[Monty100]

Rindercella - great news that dh is responding so well.

at mil's chicken soup.

Your attitude will be a tonic to your dh. I hope you get that help from hv, jeeze your plate is full.

xx

[Rindercella]

Oh, now I feel awful bitching about MIL - she's having a right old clean up downstairs and is currently mopping the floors. It's her way with DD1 that really gets to me - eg I had to ask her to stop saying to DD1 when she was whinging earlier, "DD1, Granny's going to take you back to Bristol and leave Mummy here with DD2 if you don't stop" (she said the same when DD2 and I came back from hospital).

Poor little DD1, she has had so much change over the last few weeks - DD2's arrival, an emergecy trip to A&E herself at midnight when DD2 was just 3 days old (DD1 had a sky high temp, was hallucinating, etc - was a chest infection), her Daddy being unwell and now him being in hospital. She really does not need to even start to think that her Mummy is going to send her off packing somewhere, anywhere, else.

Pacific - you are absolutely right about MIL being terrified for her son, and I do keep on reminding myself of that. And you are also right about what a star DH is to be so sensitive to that at the moment...when I told her that he'd changed his mind about the frigging soup, her face lit up and it gave her a real purpose.

Sorry, didn't mean this post to be all about MIL. Just rambling really.

[SamanthaFox]

Ramble away... I was laughing out loud at your description of the physio's lovely strong legs, though!

So glad that the news is more positive now, and that he is responding well.

I agree it is probably not the best thing for your MIL to say to dd...perhaps have a little word? I don't know. I'm sure your dd knows you would never send her anywhere.

It is good about the mopping
(can't remember last time I mopped anything...maybe I need a MIL)

[Rindercella]

Another mostly good day today, I don't even think I've had a cry. DH, as always, is in a very positive mood. He did tell me though that the consultant told him today that he was very very lucky he went in when he did. If he hadn't have done, the damage to his spinal cord may well have been permanent and basically paralysed him. Even hearing that. DH was pragmatic and said that if that had been the case, he would have just had to get on with it.

He called his son today to tell him the diagnosis - I spoke to DSS (who's 19) when DH first went into hospital to let him know that he was having tests, and DH had spoken to him since but was really looking to tell him face-to-face. Because he lives about a 2 hour drive away from the hospital, he hadn't been able to get there, so DH decided to tell him today. So shortly afterwards I had DH's ex-wife on the phone to me in tears. Understably it was a shock for her (and mostly for poor DSS) as she hadn't had the time we have had to process the information.

Bastard cancer is so indiscrimate, I still cannot believe that DH has it. It's so sad walking into that amazing hospital and seeing the obvious devastation of people learning the fate of loved ones.

[Rindercella]

indiscriminate

[SamanthaFox]

Hi Rinders,
sorry you have had to deal with DH's ex wife's shock, on top of your own. That must have been very hard.
I'm glad that the consultant thinks the damage to the spine can be reversed.
I'm not entirely sure how prostate cancer operates, or how it affects the spine, but I am glad that there seem to be a lot of treatment options and that DH is remaining positive.
You sound very strong and I hope that things continue to improve - cancer is a very arbitrary disease, you are right. Keeping everything crossed for your DH that he can beat this thing.

[Rindercella]

Yes, consoling the ex-W wasn't really on my list of priorities tbh. I hope she realises that her resposnsibility/job now is to support DSS through this and not make it about her. However, she was obviously very shocked, and hadn't had the few days I have had to process the information, so I will make allowances for yesterday. DSS adores his Dad and knows that he can call me any time of day or night if he needs to talk, or come round here.

MIL is still driving me slightly potty. Thankfully I have my oldest friend coming up in a little while and I am going to take her to the hospital with me. MIL keeps saying to me that DH can't really be this positive, and deep down he must fear the worst (I guess the thought has crossed his mind) and she's now wittering on about the ex-W which is bugging me. DH and I have been together for 11 years, married for 4 years and have 2 DDs. DSS is now an adult. I actually consider his ex-W and any past fallouts to be irrelevant now and just would prefer not to hear it.

I just feel that I need positive vibes around me at the moment, and talk like that is not doing me an awful lot of good. I do counter what she says, and have told her that I really believe DH's positivity is genuine. I'm actually quite surprised by her attitude tbh, as I have always considered her to be an incredibly strong woman, but I guess nothing prepares you for hearing your child has cancer, whatever his age.

Can't wait to see DH later. And I know how he looks forward to our visits, and how much DD1 makes him laugh. x

[differentnameforthis]

Rinders, so sorry to hear of your dh's diagnosis. I hope he is in remission very soon & home with all much sooner!

Just to stay, don't keep making allowances for everyone all the time...this is happening to YOU too. You need people to lean on too!

And I pmsl at your comment re the consultant & 400m. Good that you can find some humour in this.

[Rindercella]

You're right different, and I thought of that today...I do need to stop making allowances for everyone.

I am absolutely knackered. I cannot believe that just a week ago today I was happily celebrating my 40th birthday. DH made sure it was a lovely, special day for me...I actually posted the following on FB: "Thanks to everyone for the b'day wishes. It was a biggy, and I am one lucky, lucky lady - so many lovely presents that will last days (chocolates - ok, hours), weeks (Paul Weller concert; dinner at Le Manoir), months (Aveda & Molten Brown smellies), years (stunning watch & ring), forever (v happy memories). ;o)"

You just never know when something like this is going to happen. When I think of a family with a tiny baby and lovely toddler, and a parent has been diagnosed with cancer, it just does not compute that that family is mine.

I need this thread to vent...perhaps a blog would be a good idea.

Saw DH this afternoon, he is doing well although even he is starting to look knackered.

Is there somewhere I can go online to find advice on coping with a partner with cancer?

[whomovedmychocolate]

Blimey you are having a month of mixed fortunes aren't you Rinders - I'm so sorry to hear about your DH! I know you've got your MiL there but if you want to get rid of her for a bit and DD1 too I'll be happy to collect them both and they can play in the garden/house here with my monsters for a few hours - you probably haven't been on your own for more than five minutes in the last week!

Seriously, I have the car seats obv. I can pick her up and DD1 and feed them lunch etc. Just say the word.

[KurriKurri]

Rindercella, you might find the Macmillan website helpful - I'm linking to their booklet for carers here and there are many other things on the website you might find useful.

I was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago - and like you and your DH, our lives were turned upsidown almost overnight. I sometimes feel it is harder for DH than it is for me. We are fortunate in that our children are grown up so things are easier in that respect.

Remember you will still be in shock, don't feel you have to put a brave face on things every minute of the day. Be very kind to your self in these early days, and make sure your needs don't get forgotten. We've found cancer treatment is very much a question of teamwork, so we look after each other as best we can. All my good wishes to you and your DH, having such a caring loving partner as you sound will make all the difference to him

[Curiousmama]

Thinking of you rindercella. I've just seen this thread.

Cancer has blighted my family and friends and am so glad to hear they found your dh's early I must say when I read about the spine that worried me but glad to hear it's treatable prostate.

Agree with not making too many allowances you are suffering and need people to make allowances for you too. I'd have to have a little word with MIL about saying scary things to dd if it were me though, she's so young bless her.

Sending much love and healing to your dh and peace to you and your family.