This doesn't look terribly good, does it?

[Rindercella]

DH took himself to A&E this morning as he is in such pain and although he had a hospital appointment for a scan on Wednesday, he could not bear the pain and discomfort he is in any longer.

For the past 6 weeks he has been suffering from lower back pain which has become increasingly worse and for the last week or so has included pins & needles/jelly like sensation in his legs. Initially the GP said it was a kidney infection and gave him some ABs (the first he has ever taken, at 51 years old!). These had no effect whatsoever, so DH went back to the GP who then diagnosed possible kidney stones and got him booked in for a scan & ultrasound treatment. The GP said that the swelling in the groin area DH had was unrelated and probably just a strain (it didn't hurt DH so he was unconcerned).

The hospital have now admitted DH and have said that it absolutely has nothing to do with his kidneys, but they are concerned by a swelling in his neck and also the swelling in his groin and think it could be a problem with his lymph glands. They are hoping to do an MRI scan in the next few hours, but obviously being a bank holiday this might not happen until tomorrow.

Bloody Google - of course now I am imagining the worst and am worried sick. I guess there's nothing anyone can do or say to reassure me at the moment, but does anyone have any clue what this could be?? I feel so helpless - stuck at home with our two little girls, the youngest of whom has just turned 5 weeks old.

Shit.

Hi Rinders, I was just thinking about you! :)

The scary Googling is not fun, although I hesitate to say that it's not helpful; with my brother's illness I maintained an attitude that can best be described as 'upbeat realism', i.e. I knew there wasn't going to be a happy ending but I didn't know how far away that ending was, and looking into other people's situations kind of helped me stay focused on the individuality of his situation. Sorry if that is really unhelpful to say. I am full of admiration for you and your DH and the way you are managing this situation. Your daughters sound wonderful :) How is DD2? I bet she's growing like crazy.

So very sorry to hear about your father's passing :( It is a bleak time of year, I find, when everything hurtful seems extra raw.

Also, how is your health now? Just noticed you were having some investigations a little while ago...obviously don't answer that if you don't want :)

Hey, I know who you are, name changer! Is married life still treating you well?

Actually, what you said re googling is helpful and I think kind of the way I am finding it. DH is so strong mentally (and he used to be physically) that I really don't think the median can be applied to him (can it be to anyone?). Everyone is different and every illness is different. But I do somehow find it useful to start to understand exactly what it is we're facing. It ain't pretty.

I think I am going to go and have a chat with my GP (luckily not the same as the arse who misagnosed DH all those months ago). Perhaps I need an outlet, someone to offload to. The lady who comes in and helps me out a couple of days a week is also a complementary therapist and I think she could greatly help both of us, especially DH. Unfortunately DH doesn't want to tell her about his illness yet, which is a shame but entirely his decision.

DD2 is just amazing. Crap sleeper, but amazing. She's now 8 months old, nearly crawling, nearly saying 'dadadadaaaaaa' and spends nearly all her waking hours smiling. She's so happy and sweet DD1 is gorgeous. Demanding, high maintenance, but lovely.

Christmas is actually a nice distraction at the moment (apart from the obvious, heartbreaking absence of Dad). Not least because as well as the girls, DSS (who's 20) will be here too. Really looking forward to that. We've decided to go all out and have a lovely time.

Re my health, I get lots of minor niggles. Thankfully my hair has stopped falling out and all tests came back ok. Nothing serious though. I guess these are all stress-related

Glad to hear your tests were all clear. Married life is great, thanks, in fact so great I got a BFP yesterday

I do think you need someone to shoulder your burden, as it were. You are helping DH to carry the load; someone else needs to help you.

God, I'm so wise, I should take my own advice one day

OMG! Many, many congratulations to you Daft, as I don't 'know' you in rl, but your news has really cheered me up

glad to hear your DH is doing well. I understand the need to google, I do it alot, but please remember that everyones cancer is different and his doing so well :)
I agree you need to offload to someone. Do you have a carers group in your area?? Worth a shot :)