Wrong time of year I know, but I liked it, thought I'd share it with you
The Dieting Blues
Twas the month after New Year's,
and all through the house
Nothing would fit me,
not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled,
the eggnog I'd taste
The holiday parties
had gone to thy waist.
When I got on the scales
there arose such a number!
That I walked to the store
(less a walk than a lumber).
Then I remembered the marvelous meals
I'd prepared;
The gravies, sauces and
the beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls,
the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said,
"No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself
in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again
to do battle with dirt---
So I said to myself,
as I only can
"You can't spend a winter
disguised as a man!"
So--away with the last
of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake,
every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like
must be banished
'Till all the additional ounces
have quietly vanished.
I won't have a cookie--
not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew
on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits,
or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot
and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome,
and life is a bore---
But isn't that what
February is for?
Unable to giggle,
it was longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all
and to all a Good Diet!
Well, at least until Valentine's Day!