how do you know when you are drinking too much?

[Cistus]

actually thats a stupid question. I know I am drinking too much, but I dont know how to stop.

I am in my mid 40's, FT job, three lovely kids, nice house etc....

I am drinking almost a bottle of wine, almost every night. I have been doing so for about 6 months. Prior to that its been up and down, I have always been a heavy-ish drinker but with a lot of dry days. there are a few dry days now but not many - perhaps one a fortnight.

I don't drink until the kids are in bed, I never miss work, I never drink and drive, But I know its too much. I dont get drunk as such although I certainly know Ive had too much the next morning.....

so how do you stop? I recently had some blood tests for something unrelated and was extremely pleased to hear that me liver function was normal.... but it wont be if I carry on like this.....

I last stopped drinking in April 08 for about 4 weeks, not at that time because I was overtly worried about my drinking ( though I was releived that I found it quite easy not to drink at all) but since then, its slowly increased....

I drank half abottle of white on Fri
and last night a whole bottle of red - but that as over the course of 6 hrs with friends so I wont beat myself up about it.
Wil not have anyting tonight and really want to last until Thurs now.
Good luck everyone

Agree 100% with miflaw.If you are asking the question and talking about moderating you need to look at it.Most people moderate naturally and don't need to discuss it.When it is in charge and you are powerless when it is in you you need to think hard.Good luck if you can cut down do but if the urge for 'just one more' kicks in and it is a real struggle to fight it you probably will find that eventually abstaining is the only way.

Btw my dp stopped drinking 18 yrs ago with the help of AA after 10 years of 'cutting down'.For some people stopping is the only way it certainly was for him and we still have a great life and a lot of fun

sound advice, Noddy, thanks.

Cistus. Sorry you are sounding low. I empathise with what you're saying - I also feel unsure about my relationship, though I hope it is salvageable. We're trying to sort out some problems at the moment.

Interested to know whether you think you got into the relationship in the first place for any reason related to drinking. In my case I think my confidence was low and I had a history of short and unsuccessful relationships, in part due to regularly drinking too much and messing things up. My DH has many great qualities but I sometimes wonder if I clung to him after we got together because I felt unsure of myself and he seemed willing to put up with my boozing.

I think he would be horrified if he knew about these thoughts and I'll probably never tell him... so drinking somehow helps me to deal with (or rather avoid dealing with) them.

Anyway, I had about half a bottle each night for the past 3 days, which doesn't sound too great, but is pretty good for me. Aiming to stay off during the week generally, though I have various family dos coming up this week which may make this tricky.Hope others are feeling a bit more positive.

Cistus

A lot of us drank for those reasons. Some of us stopped drinking and got out of damaging dead-end relationships as a result. Probably far more of us realised that, when we weren't half-cut, our relationships weren't half as bad as we'd thought, and we managed to salvage something from what had previously looked like a train wreck. So basically we're talking win-win here.

Plonkety plonk's advice is good but does NOT apply to everyone (any more than mine does.) I would heartily encourage anyone struggling with drinking to try absolute abstention - ie no drinking no matter what - for a length of time that they know will be slightly testing for them. Then to go the same length of time drinking moderately. Then to abstain for the same length of time again. If you have any problems doing something like this, then maybe take the hint.

This might turn out to be excessive for many people - but you really don't want to be wrong in the other direction IYSWIM.

Feel free to ignore me, though - I'm no doctor. Just an ex-drunk.

Hi, no alcohol last night. Feel psychologically better already, and decided not to drink today...

Beonit - my H was teetotal for years, and I agree I think he tolerated my drinking in a way that others might not. Although I have always been a drinker I have never really been concerned about it before. subtly I think I have tipped into a different space in the last 6 months.

Fraggletits - do you have small children ? I can understand the need to drink to face bath/bed etc... But I have reallyd ecided that I should not drink in front of my kids ( they are prob older than yours) so I wait until they are in bed usually ( not at weekends) because I don't want them t think its normal to drink every night

Aw thanks MIFLAW! Well done, Cistus. Sometimes it feels as though having children drives you to drink! There's often little time to think about anything else, and it's an escape from the tedium.

At the moment, I am finding solace in books. I can't read when I'm pissed, so it's quite a good deterrent. I also can't drink when I have work to do. Some people seem to thrive on some sort of chemical in order to do anything creative. I find the opposite.

None-the-less, I am still a problem drinker. I would like to find a way so that I can't abdicate responsibility. It is a sense of self. I drink to disappear. In the greater scheme of things, I am getting better at not trying to disappear, but I still do it.

I had a couple of glasses on Sunday with a friend, nothing last night, but tonight will be a test - off for tea with a mate and we usually sink a bottle, just not sure how to say 'no' at the minute (does that sound pathetic?) I also understand the 'disappear' thing. I definately drank to feel more at ease in my own body in the past, but do think now that I really ought to just grow up! I drink when I feel under social stress and thats not good....

NO blackduck, doesn't sound awful I know just how you feel. I am in the pub tonight, briefly, and am drinking lime and soda. This however is partly because I am driving!

Maybe thats another tip then Cistus, if you drive often you CANNOT drink.

off to bed now. I am very pleased that I have not drunk today

how is everyone else doing ?

cistus x

HAd 2 glasses last night,
but was glad to have left half a bottle in the fridge - that is an achievement for me!

I was out last night, socialising and meeting new people. It felt completely normal not to drink, but hell, it's quite boring at the bar! Hey, what's going to tingle my taste buds and do nothing at all apart from make me want to go to the loo? Bars and pubs are pretty crap on the soft drink front.

I drank a bottle of beer when I got home which was nice. I would like to say I'm learning, but probably not for long! All the same, we get better at giving things up with practice.

Hi all

Haven't had a drink since Sunday. I was so tempted last night, coming home at the end of the day, sun shining and I was thinking it would be lovely to sit outside in the garden with a glass of wine .......

I didn't though. Instead had some slimline tonic with lots of ice.

End of the day/work is easily the hardest time of day for me. Once I've got through that usually it's fine.

DH not drinking either, which also helps.

Respect for you Plonkety - I find it impossible very difficult not drink when I'm out!

Plonk

"All the same, we get better at giving things up with practice."

I'd just like to distance myself, very explicitly, from that "we". I NEVER got better at giving drink up. Indeed, as time went on, I got very much worse. The only solution for me was to stop altogether and then give my all to staying stopped. "Practising" was killing me - I had to do it for real.

I guess what I mean, MIFLAW is that if you have succeeded in doing something once, for however short a time, the next time you try it, it will be easier. So... for example, if you have managed to stop smoking, but then fallen off the wagon, the next time you stop, your chemistry will be more accepting, and you will probably stay stopped for longer, then if you start again, then stop....

So, if you have managed to stop successfully the first time, that is very good news. For other people it may take a few attempts.

For problem drinkers, it is really important to sort something out, as dependency is a very real, though not inevitable outcome.

"I guess what I mean, MIFLAW is that if you have succeeded in doing something once, for however short a time, the next time you try it, it will be easier."

Once again, this is not my experience.

Because I could not face stopping drinking for ever, I regularly tried to cut down or stop for the odd day here and there. I can assure you that it got more and more difficult to even contemplate stopping.

Then I joined AA but did not take it as seriously as I might have. I stopped several times for a matter of days or weeks. Each time I picked up a drink it seemed unthinkable that I would stop again. I had to drag myself back each time because I had no better ideas. Stopping each time took several days just to build up to.

Only when I decided, one day at a time, to give it my best shot, and then kept that in mind on a daily basis, did it get in any sense "easy".

if I drank again now I cannot begin to imagine how I would stop again afterwards.

My experiences with smoking are quite similar, actually, even though that is proven to be physically addictive (unlike alcohol).

I fully agree that it may take someone a few attempts, because it did me - what I am disputing is that anyone thinking of giving up on such an attempt should give in lightly with the thought, "oh well, it'll be easier next time" because, in my case at least, the opposite proved true.

I'm a recovering alcoholic, and I can only write from my own experience, but I agrree with MIFLAW- every time I stated drinking again, it was HARDER to stop, to put the drink down, not easier.
I made up all sorts of excuses, or 'reasons' as I used to call them, to not stop drinking.

Sorry, forgot to add some sort of positive, supportive comment there!

Good luck everyone! Just try to be honest with yourselves, those of you who feel you may be developing a problem.

I found this easier said than done.

Jem

did you used to be in the city? Why now in the dark?

Everytime I 'cut down' I ended up drinking more. Because if I had managed to cut down, then I didn't really have a problem, did I, so I could RELAX and drink more.

Also, each period of cutting down exposed me to anxiety, feeling crap and empty. But never for long enough for me to face up to it, confront it and move on. So I needed to drink more to drown out that shouting.

I don't need to do it anymore. No more obsessing, counting, excusing, feeling guilty.

Good luck to you all, I hope you all find the level you feel comfortable with.

Hello all , especially Cistus, I would like to join your thread.

I went to the drs a couple of months ago with pains under my right rib, and a feeling of something stretching there all the time. I am an paranoid about my liver as my dad has had a transplant, though his was due to cancer and not cirohhsis.

I had some blood test done which showed abornmal levels in my liver (ALTs and Gammas for those in the know) and the DR told me to cut down. I drink from a Thursday with a bottle of red over two days, a new bottle on a Saturday and finish it on a Sunday. Then sometimes I drink a bottle of lager or two on a Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday (so all week really)

I've cut down to one bottle of red a week, then I had another blood test but the levels are still high (though lower than before).

Recently i am beating myself up with the thought of dying and leaving my kids behind if I don't cut down. I know its dramatic but Ive found I just don't enjoy drinking any more, I'm scared.

I really want to give up, but I am struggling. Im not an alcoholic, or at least I don't think I am.

Its hard when it sunny and there is cold lager in the fridge (I don't expect my dh to cut down, he doesn't drink much at all). Its hard when you've had a busy week and you want to relax, and mentally, you are telling yourself you need a large glass of red to do so. Its hard when you go to a friends house and they are all sitting round having a glass of wine, and you really, really want one.

I am going to a wedding this weekend and I know that on Sunday, I will look at myself in the mirror, look at my jowelly face (because I have put so much weight on) and my grey skin and undo all the happiness that I accumulated the day before. I am going to drive, so that will stop me!

So I will join you, Sorry for the essay, I just know where you are coming from

MIFLAW- yes I was in the city, but as it was only a brief trip out, it seemed a bit daft. My youngest helped with the names, hence my name is a bit crap, although I do feel sometimes like I'm a bit lost, as in can't see the way...!

Any suggestions?

Sorry I ignored your post Mumto...

Are your LFT results related to your alcohol consumption then?