how do you know when you are drinking too much?

[Cistus]

actually thats a stupid question. I know I am drinking too much, but I dont know how to stop.

I am in my mid 40's, FT job, three lovely kids, nice house etc....

I am drinking almost a bottle of wine, almost every night. I have been doing so for about 6 months. Prior to that its been up and down, I have always been a heavy-ish drinker but with a lot of dry days. there are a few dry days now but not many - perhaps one a fortnight.

I don't drink until the kids are in bed, I never miss work, I never drink and drive, But I know its too much. I dont get drunk as such although I certainly know Ive had too much the next morning.....

so how do you stop? I recently had some blood tests for something unrelated and was extremely pleased to hear that me liver function was normal.... but it wont be if I carry on like this.....

I last stopped drinking in April 08 for about 4 weeks, not at that time because I was overtly worried about my drinking ( though I was releived that I found it quite easy not to drink at all) but since then, its slowly increased....

Actually, I don't think it's scary. I'm just pleased to be doing something, to feel that I'm in control a bit more.

TBH, when I was initially confronted (by a car crash that was entirely my fault) with the fact that my drinking was causing me problems, the last thing I thought was that life would be better if I stopped. I can remember thinking, if this is how dreadful my life is WITH drink, what's it going to be like WITHOUT?

At every AA meeting you will be told that "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking." I did not even have that. I did, however, have a desire to stop drinking the way I drank. I was, to use another AA cliche, sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I tried AA because i did not have any better ideas. 7 years on, I still don't have any better ideas.

I can now confirm, though, that my life without drink is incomparably better than my life with drink.

I did not drink yesterday.

Physically I feel no different , but mentally i feel stronger, more confident, proud and pleased.

I have decided not to drink today

That might well be the right decision, Cistus.

Well done for yesterday.

Incidentally, "Physically I feel no different" - don't be surprised if you actually feel quite shit for a couple of days. It's not fun but it is normal (depending on how much you drink and how long it's been going on) and it will pass. If you're worried, don't drink, and call a doctor or NHS direct, but I'd be surprised if it came to that. Don't doubt your decision or you'll just put yourself back to square one.

Remember, it's always just for today.

How are you doing, Cistus?

I didn't drink anything Mon-Weds, and last night DH and I shared a bottle of wine, as opposed to one each.

I'm out at the ballet tonight, so it makes it much harder anyway to have a drink (and at Royal Opera House prices, cuts down the inclination as well!).

Just have Saturday and Sunday to contend with, which are harder.

hi BIWI

I did not drink last night. feel pretty tired today despite sleeping well.

am not sure about tonight or the weekend... have not drunk since ast Sunday and feel pleased about that; but not sure if I want to have aglass of wine tonight.

ballet sounds nice !

cistus x

I think one of the best things about not drinking is how well I sleep - and I feel that it's been real quality sleep.

Well done for going the whole week! We can so do this ... !

Hi Cistus

I knew I was drinking too much when I could not cut down. Social drinking wasn't a problem for me. I hardly drank anything when I went out. No one would have known. It's just that I would then go home and top myself up to the usual amount. Always. Every evening.

I remember going on holiday with friends and being constantly preoccupied with how much alcohol was left in the fridge. Would there be enough for tonight? What if someone had an extra bottle. Perhaps I had better buy some more just in case.

I stopped as an experiment. Three months I told myself, then I could drink as much as I liked. Luckily by that time I could not see the point in drinking again, why pay money to feel seasick, what a rip off.

I went out, and managed to stick to a few drinks, didn't want another. Was I 'cured'?

No. I don't see myself as an alcoholic. I don't even see myself as having a problem with alcohol. Alcohol is the problem, not me. It's not that I have an addictive personality, it's that alcohol is addictive. It's a con. I can feel great for free. I can certainly feel like shit for free.

Sorry this has turned out to be an essay, and I am aware it might seem a bit full on when all you have decided is that you are drinking a bit too much at the moment. I'm not saying you must never drink again. I'm not saying that I will never drink again.

But, honestly, most mornings one of my first thoughts is that I am glad that I don't have to drink any more. I actively enjoy being teatotal these days.

See how today goes. Then tommorow.

Good luck

All those in doubt about the effects of alcohol, just try keeping it to one glass a night.
When you realise it is very difficult to keep it to one glass, that is when you see how addictive a substance alcohol is. It requires considerable willpower to stick at one glass, much less to have none at all.
That is my experience.

If you have the willpower, that is great, enjoy your one glass, but if you find the inexorable pull towards several, you know you have a problem.

There is an abstaining thread which I will bring up again. (can't do links)

Interesting swan - I think you're right - but also, after the one glass, your judgement also starts to be impaired, and therefore it becomes easier to justify the next glass, and then the next one ...

So it's not just the addictive nature of the alcohol, which makes it doubly difficult!

Cistus

Good going!

One day at a time means exactly that.

Worry about tonight tonight and the weekend at the weekend.

Sounds like a con, perhaps, but it really works and makes all the difference.

not drinking tonight but feel completely flat, exhausted and fed up.

not really tempted to drink, would almost say I don't WANT to drink, but thinking about the decision quite a lot.

think I might take a book and go to bed!

Cistus, I felt really tired flat and sort of bored when I first gave up - you do just feel nostalgia for that mood enhancing buzz that alcohol gives. Even the sound of the bottle opening, the clink of glass, the smell of wine, is all part of the nostalgia.

But alcohol is a bit of a cul de sac, it's as if you have to reinvent yourself without it. It's not even that I feel brilliantly better without it, it's more that is just not necessary. My happiness or sadness is not dependent on it since I abstained. I'm having to find other ways to truly relax, and perk myself up.

ok, did not drink last night.

but I have tonight, firstly with work colleagues to celebrate a good day and then with friends at home.

Have drunk a lot of water also

feel moderately drunk.

and a bit sad

but ok. i have not completely overdone it, and will be off to bed now

bit sad I did not abstain...

cistus xx

BIWI - and everyone - how's you ????

Hi Cistus

OK here - I'm not trying to give up at the weekends quite yet, although a bit more noderation is pobably required

I'm pleased with what I'm managing so far, i.e. a minimum of 3 nights during the week without drinking. Will be aiming to make that 4 next week, as I don't have any social engagements/arrangements for Thursday.

And you have done very well - only the one night! Look at your achievement positively rather than the negative.

Here's to next week!

I was worried that I was drinking too much. I knew full well I was. I would have 2 or more glasses of white wine while cooking/chatting to DH, then we would have a bottle of red with dinner, he might then have a whiskey and I would open some more red and have another glass or 2.

In January I decided that this was all ridiculous. We both wanted to cut down drastically. So now I have white wine with soda. Long glass - about half a glass of wine, top up with lots of soda and a few icecubes. This weekend I opened a bottle of white on Friday night and had 2 drinks, last night I had 3 drinks. The bottle is still half full.

I enjoyed the whole social aspect of cooking and chatting to DH and didn't want to lose that. I figured if I couldn't cut down like this then I def had a HUGE problem. I still enjoy the social aspect, LOVE waking up fresh and not seedy but am in control.

I agree with everyone
But, had two drinks last night at a big party, and feel dreadful this morning.
Really don't want to feel like this, so will be cutting back to one glass a week which is what I've managed for last month.
I beginning to realise that alcohol actually disagrees with me. And the few good feelings I get from it, are completely outweighed by drawbacks, feeling woozy, badtempered, waiting for next drink etc.

Most people who feel they are drinking too much and can't help it (as opposed to, say, students, who often drink too much because they have no compelling reason not to) find cutting down far harder and more unpleasant than stopping altogether.

Sad but true.

Hi, just found this thread and am pretty much in the same boat as the op.
I decided about 3 weeks ago to quit drinking and about 2 weeks ago noticed my skin etc was looking much better and I was a lot less stressed and anxious about things in general.
I wouldn't class myself as an alcoholic, but certainly was drinking far too much and it was increasing in the number of nights during the week as well as at the weekend.
I drank/drink vodka and if I wasn't working the next day I would have a drink.
Im going to a concert on wednesday night and planning on not drinking, i've never ever been out before without getting absolutely blotto, so will be interesting!!

Hi all,

so I drank Sat, and Sun ( a bit) and last night - at a long planned social with friends.
I will not drink today. Feel a bit better about my ability to NOT drink when I choose. Somehow I think there is someway to go yet...

what made you decide to stop lilacclaire ? how are you BIWI??

Cistus, the hangover and anxiousness the next day, the arguements I would have with my dp, the fact that my skin was dehydrated and I was aging rapidly since I had began drinking heavily.
I feel younger and more in control and definetly less stressed and anxious, its like a weight has been lifted.

Cistus, thanks for starting this thread. I feel I have been drinking far too much and for far too long. Can I join you in trying to get it under control? I've not had a drink today but dread to think how many units I've had over this week. I've not had a drink tonight tho. I don't want to stop completely, but am beginning to realise that if I can't get it under control, I might have to stop completely. Was going to namechange, but decided that would be hiding, not that anyone knows me on here apart from one person who I know would be supportive.

It IS possible to cut down and there is a difference between being an alcoholic and being a problem drinker. I am a problem drinker, and have found I have triggers. I really hope I can defuse them since not all situations are avoidable! It's nice to have a glass or 2 of wine and feel the buzz. It's nice to be able to say no, and sometimes it's ok to get pissed. Finding a balance is the hard bit!

Fully agree with plonketyplonk - "It IS possible to cut down" - with the caveat that I would say the difference is not between alcoholic and problem drinker, but between alcoholic and heavy or regular drinker. The definition of a problem drinker for most people who choose to use the term is pretty much that it is NOT possible for you to cut down and stay cut down. A heavy or regular drinker, meanwhile, is someone who drinks a lot (or very frequently) and could, in theory, stop or cut down if they wanted to.

In other words, the rest of her advice is fantastic - as long as you get that initial self-diagnosis right and make sure you do have that choice. That is probably why a lot of people on threads such as these (and in RL) periodically stop or cut down for long-ish periods of time - they want to satisfy themselves that they do indeed have that control.

I'm probably splitting hairs in terms of semantics here but the core underlying distinction is very important - if you have a problem with drink you need to know about it and act on it, however unpleasant such action at first appears.

I find that I can go without a drink - but once I've had one, find it hard to stop. So if I open a bottle of wine, I drink it til it's gone. I think I do have a problem, so welcome the opportunity to be able to discuss this with people on this thread, I think I'd find it hard to discuss in RL. Thanks.