how do you know when you are drinking too much?

[Cistus]

actually thats a stupid question. I know I am drinking too much, but I dont know how to stop.

I am in my mid 40's, FT job, three lovely kids, nice house etc....

I am drinking almost a bottle of wine, almost every night. I have been doing so for about 6 months. Prior to that its been up and down, I have always been a heavy-ish drinker but with a lot of dry days. there are a few dry days now but not many - perhaps one a fortnight.

I don't drink until the kids are in bed, I never miss work, I never drink and drive, But I know its too much. I dont get drunk as such although I certainly know Ive had too much the next morning.....

so how do you stop? I recently had some blood tests for something unrelated and was extremely pleased to hear that me liver function was normal.... but it wont be if I carry on like this.....

I last stopped drinking in April 08 for about 4 weeks, not at that time because I was overtly worried about my drinking ( though I was releived that I found it quite easy not to drink at all) but since then, its slowly increased....

You are right, I have changed my name (hopefully it will stay)...Today I feel really tired, couldnt sleep before 1o'clock and did some bad dreams !! I have a mild headache, I took some berroca so it did help a lot ! The spirits are still high ! I'm a little bit nervous because I'm going out tonight so I guess it's going to be the real test !

Well done - and great name change!

I would say that for tonight, decide what you're going to drink in advance. For me, I would drink slimline tonic. Grapefruit juice and tonic is also nice - sharp and refreshing, with a bite to it, not too sweet/cloying.

I find that the problem with not drinking when you're out is what you substitute it with, as most soft drinks are just too sweet.

Good luck!

Thank you for the tip, I was looking for something to bring so I'll buy it !!

IUTDTM

Well done! Insomnia is normal, won't kill you and will soon pass.

Are you in AA? If so, locate a meeting near where you are going. You probably won't go to it but it's nice to know that, if things get hectic, there is a safe place nearby.

Re what to drink, some people find it helpful to choose something that looks like it may contain alcohol, to stop nosey buggers questioning/pressuring them about why they're not drinking. For example, ginger ale looks like it might have scotch in it; a tonic with the ice and slice looks loaded with gin; and so on. Works for some people ...

And if anyone asks why you're not drinking, keep it fairly simple and honest, but vague. "Doctor's orders" is always a goody - bet at least once in your life the doctor's told you to knock it off. You've just waited a while before following the advice ...

Yes I have look at aa meeting and located the nearest by me ! I have also looked at the 12 weeks programm (it's quite religious no ?), tonight I'm going to say that I'm taking some antibiotics (which is almost true)....

I think I'm really determined this time, when the guilt was unbearable, I used to think, I'm going to die and the dcs are going to be without mother, I'm stupid drunk, my life is a mess, no control over my life etc...

I want to be my own boss again, and as I say once the drinking is definitely under control, I'm going to stop smoking.

A trick I used when I was quitting smoking and a craving would strike in the evening.

I bought one of those steppers you put risers under like you see in aerobics classes.

When the craving would strike, I'd get up, put the headphones on, and step up and down on that sucker for an entire song.

£360/month! Wow! You know, IUTDTM, put it in a fund, save it up, and then take your family on a wonderful holiday!

That is a good idea expat, Bet you didnt put on weight with this regime !!! I know 360 pounds is a lot, I have almost collapsed when I saw this figure for the first time, and I spend 180 pounds in fags, 540 pounds to indulge myself and just myself, dh doesnt drink or smoke..It has got to stop.

I didn't! I've only put on about 2.5 stone in the past 9 months since having my third, and that's all down to eating too much and not moving much. Need to break out the stepper again and stop eating the kids' leftovers, noshing on junk in the evenings, full fat milk in coffee, etc.

Well, that's another thread!

Well I have to lay off the roast potatoes, cheese and mayonnaise my main weaknesses, atm, my apetite is not too big but I bet it's going to come back with a vengeance

Not religious at all. I am an agnostic and have no problems.

It does involve acknowledging a "power greater than yourself" which, for many people, is a god.

However, for me, it means that I acknowledge God is not me and that there are certain things in my life that are not in my immediate control and that I cannot "beat" so I will just have to work round them instead. My alcoholism is obviously one of those things ...

A lot of people also use AA itself as a higher power - after all, before they came, they couldn't beat their drinking; then they came to AA and, hey presto, they could; conclusion = AA is stronger than just me so I can have faith in AA.

The word God is used a lot, because AA was initially set up by two Americans at a time (1935) when it was extremely unusual not to go to church over there, but it is now widely accepted that the word "God" is just a shorthand for an admission that you can't do this alone and need help.

Note also that AA is now international and huge numbers of Hindus, Muslims, Jews, pagans and plain old atheists and agnostics (like me) have made it work for them.

Why not give it a go until you have a better idea?

I'll give it a go if I fail stopping drinking, I'm going well at the moment and didnt suffer too much of withdrawal symptoms.
I want to stop drinking because I endangered my health, because while I'm drinking heavily, it's noway I can be a good mother or a good wife while feeling groggy because of heavy night..I have admitted to myself that I have a problem and I need to sort this problem. I was in denial for a while, not anymore.

Good idea.

Be aware, though, that a lot of people attend - and continue to attend - not so much for help stopping drinking as for support and encouragement in managing their life once they've done so.

I guess I could the help in order to get some guidance..Thanks Miflaw !

If by any chance you're in London, come to the meeting in Crystal Palace on Monday night.

I'm the suit near the front.

Cristal palace is a too far for me but thank you miflaw!

Well I had a couple of spritzer last night when I was out. I knew that I shouldn't have been out, it was to early. I feel really angry against me and sad, guilty..but I'm going to go back on track.

Good to hear. You can do this, you know.

It's to guard against that sort of thing happening that I go to AA.

I'm finding it far easier not to smoke if I'm not drinking. I am finding more and more that I can take or leave alcohol, and I agree that although it can cause immense problems, it doesn't need to be demonised. It's such a relief not to smoke!

well we had murders here last night when i decided to talk to dp after getting in from a night out.
I have told him his drinking is a problem to me and therefore has a drink problem.
We had armageddon and are still not really speaking but he has accepted that it's not the amount he drinks that is the problem (as we probably drink the same amount) it's just that he'll drink alone,he'll get in from a nice meal/night out and at 1am suggest opening a bottle of wine,he'll go to cook sunday dinner and stick a glass of red in with the meat (and then it's rude not to finish the bottle and if i also have a glass then he'll open the 2nd and drink most of that too)he'll go to the pub and watch a match on his own and drink beer...this to me is alcoholism isn't it?
today is a very strange day.

Sleepless

Who has a sure way of defining alcoholism? I don't, and I suffer from it!

All you can say is that problem drinking is drinking that causes problems - the drinker him (or her) self doesn't have to feel it's a problem for him or her.

You need to put number 1 first. If his drinking is causing you problems, don't wait for him to fix them - do what you can to stop them complicating your life. That could mean attending AlAnon or it could mean leaving him or both or something in between - ultimately, only you can decide.

if he is an alcoholic then i don't have an issue with it as long as he attempts to deal with it.One of my best friends just celebrated ten years sobriety (he's the same age as me and was an alcoholic teenager)
I think my dp is bored and we are looking at ways to expand his life (long story short was music journo living very much the high life in london at gigs every night with hospitality etc etc gets me pregnant,has to jack dream job in,move 200miles away from friends/life to move in with me/my daughter we have baby,baby is challenging little so and so.Only job he can find is on less than half he was on before doing really really dull research with a bunch of new graduates.So we've talked about him doing a course to refresh his skill set,getting his snowboard out and doing that (he's been skint as been paying for driving lessons and now has passed his test)
basically with him it wasn't the amount he drank but the way he drank which raised alarms.We're fine now,he is going to see what he can do to enjoy drinking sociably,maybe he wont manage it but at least he is in agreement that whilst he may not be george best just yet-his drinking is raising enough alarms for me to find it a problem.
thanks,sorry for the life story.I like you,you are good.

Sleepless - I'm in exactly same situation as your DH I think, my main reason for drinking is the boredom, the routine so I'm trying to turn things around by having a hobby, keeping myself busy etc...

I think I have been better lately,I had about 5 dried night and when I drank, it was only a couple of spritzers. I'm kind of happy with it. My aim is not too drink during the week (unless I go out and in moderation) and very little at week end.

can i ask what your partner thinks and how he drinks?
you see i would say i am very much a social drinker-i don't and wouldn't open a bottle of wine on my own,but if there's one on the go then i am first in line for a refill!
i don't want to live without alcohol although i would do if dp struggles to manage the way he drinks-one of the the things that 'got' him at weekend was when i said 'it's one thing going to work smelling of a drip tray once in a while,people notice if it's 3 times a week-people will be talking about it whether they like you or not-and do you want to be the dad at school drop off who fucking STINKS of last nights ale?because i don't want to be married to him and i don't want my kids to be labelled'
you are doing really well, i've joined weighwatchers so there's definitely no chance of me boozing-for one glass of wine i can have a kitkat! although vodka is only a point...
seriously,well done,i'll keep checking back to see how we are all getting on.

IUTDTM - what's happened to make you change your view of things since Friday?